Wow
I have reached the low point of my life. I get up, go to classes I hate beyond reason, that are too hard for me. I cannot do AP classes at Xavier. I just can't. But I'm stuck. I'm getting two C's for sure, maybe more. I hate myself.
When I get home my mother screams at me for hours. Every day. Day after day I'm alone with her, and day after day she screams at me to leave. I would, but I don't have anywhere to go. If I moved to my father's house it would just make things worse, but sometimes I wish I could. Even Linda would be better than this. She screams at me for doing my homework.
She screams at me for inadequate grades.
She screams at me for writing, for playing guitar.
She screams because she didn't know I had mock trail after school and she came early, even though I called her.
She screams at me for not being religious, though she's the one that tried to shove it down my throught for six years.
I'm so sick of her screaming. Then she cries. She cries because I studied for a test instead of putting up christmas lights. I went to see my brother when he was here last weekend and she screamed and sobbed that I don't love her, that I hate her and would rather live with them.
You know what?
I would.
I'm a failure. I'm a burden to the planet, I'm surprised the earth doesn't open up under my feet. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough for anyone, not even my own mother, who I thought would always love me. I think suicide is a stupid option, and albeit the fact that I am a stupid person that's not the route I would choose. But I don't know how I'll survive the next twenty months without going insane. She screamed at me while I was driving, I almost crashed the car. I can't do it anymore, I can't take her bullshit. I hate her. It's a horrible thing to say, but right now, I do.
When I get home my mother screams at me for hours. Every day. Day after day I'm alone with her, and day after day she screams at me to leave. I would, but I don't have anywhere to go. If I moved to my father's house it would just make things worse, but sometimes I wish I could. Even Linda would be better than this. She screams at me for doing my homework.
She screams at me for inadequate grades.
She screams at me for writing, for playing guitar.
She screams because she didn't know I had mock trail after school and she came early, even though I called her.
She screams at me for not being religious, though she's the one that tried to shove it down my throught for six years.
I'm so sick of her screaming. Then she cries. She cries because I studied for a test instead of putting up christmas lights. I went to see my brother when he was here last weekend and she screamed and sobbed that I don't love her, that I hate her and would rather live with them.
You know what?
I would.
I'm a failure. I'm a burden to the planet, I'm surprised the earth doesn't open up under my feet. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough for anyone, not even my own mother, who I thought would always love me. I think suicide is a stupid option, and albeit the fact that I am a stupid person that's not the route I would choose. But I don't know how I'll survive the next twenty months without going insane. She screamed at me while I was driving, I almost crashed the car. I can't do it anymore, I can't take her bullshit. I hate her. It's a horrible thing to say, but right now, I do.