On depression
Hey, I almost forgot this thing existed. Sadly, I seem to have joined the ranks of facebook, swiftly and suddenly enough to eliminate any questions about why I did. How easily I have forsaken my LJ. (Truthfully, I think its the fact that I tend to get more responses to posts on FB than I ever did on LJ.)
Sorry, LJ. I'm still here... Sorta.
Things in my life have been shifting. New avenues and possibilities are presenting themselves to me like they never have before. Outside of work, things seem to be going better for me than they have for a long time now. I would never have imagined all the wonderful opportunities presented to me before. And yet, sometimes it seems like it's all too much. It's a double-edged sword for sure... Ome that is seemingly guaranteed to cut both ways.
Choices must be made and they are never easy choices. Given the choice again, I doubt I would have gone off the lexapro cold turkey. This drug is some powerful juju. Even if it didn't really help me as much as I'd wished it had, quitting it seems to have completely thrown my body into a rejection of reality. The new lows are far lower than the previously imagined lows. The highs are about the same, but I seem to experience them with a newfound clarity, as though the cobwebs and dust have been cleaned off my brain.
Yet, still I lament, for everything seems to make less sense to my demedicated brain. Technically, things are going swimmingly for me, but I'm still more addled and moody than I've ever been. I struggle to make sense of the situations presented to me.
Even now, as I write this, I'm a tad unsure of what my point is. I think I just needed to be heard, really. I'm tired, but unable to sleep, happy, but unable to smile, thrilled, but unable to rejoice.
I'm a walking, talking dichotomy, and oxymoron who can't even begin to understand what it desires, or more importantly needs.
If starting to lose touch with one's desires or needs in this life is a sign of insanity, I'm likely over the edge and too far gone for help.
Worse still is the care-free attitude with which these antidepressants are prescribed, often without the end user understanding just how deep these chemicals can reach into one's brain.
I should be fine after a while. I just keep waiting for the time.
I'm tired finally and I think I've cried myself out.
This isn't what I had expected.
At least my sleep tends to be dreamless...
Sorry, LJ. I'm still here... Sorta.
Things in my life have been shifting. New avenues and possibilities are presenting themselves to me like they never have before. Outside of work, things seem to be going better for me than they have for a long time now. I would never have imagined all the wonderful opportunities presented to me before. And yet, sometimes it seems like it's all too much. It's a double-edged sword for sure... Ome that is seemingly guaranteed to cut both ways.
Choices must be made and they are never easy choices. Given the choice again, I doubt I would have gone off the lexapro cold turkey. This drug is some powerful juju. Even if it didn't really help me as much as I'd wished it had, quitting it seems to have completely thrown my body into a rejection of reality. The new lows are far lower than the previously imagined lows. The highs are about the same, but I seem to experience them with a newfound clarity, as though the cobwebs and dust have been cleaned off my brain.
Yet, still I lament, for everything seems to make less sense to my demedicated brain. Technically, things are going swimmingly for me, but I'm still more addled and moody than I've ever been. I struggle to make sense of the situations presented to me.
Even now, as I write this, I'm a tad unsure of what my point is. I think I just needed to be heard, really. I'm tired, but unable to sleep, happy, but unable to smile, thrilled, but unable to rejoice.
I'm a walking, talking dichotomy, and oxymoron who can't even begin to understand what it desires, or more importantly needs.
If starting to lose touch with one's desires or needs in this life is a sign of insanity, I'm likely over the edge and too far gone for help.
Worse still is the care-free attitude with which these antidepressants are prescribed, often without the end user understanding just how deep these chemicals can reach into one's brain.
I should be fine after a while. I just keep waiting for the time.
I'm tired finally and I think I've cried myself out.
This isn't what I had expected.
At least my sleep tends to be dreamless...