(no subject)
So far I like my job and it is certainly helping to distract me but every night I still think about him. I struggle to fall asleep as my mind races. As I try to fall asleep I hope that he will just text me or call me. I'm not delusional, I know that even if he calls we won't get back together. I just want him to say it is over. I want him to say "I cheated on you and stopped talking to you. We are over." It would kill me to hear those words but I think I could start to heal after that. I'm terrified of seeing him. I know that I would struggle not to cry if I saw him. I would turn and run away. I want him to know he hurt me but I don't want him to know he still has the power to make me cry. I just want to pull the pieces of my heart back together and glue them there. It won't be pretty but at least it would be whole. I'm so thankful for my job because it distracts me. Now I just need to find a way to fill up all my other time and I should be fine! Haha, just kidding though it is a tempting option.