The Past Haunts
Tell me, how do you feel about your first Love? I'm not talking about the first person you had sex with... or the first person you had a crush on... or the first person you wrote a note to with a heart on it. I'm talking about the first person who held your heart in their hand. The first person whom you placed above yourself in all things.. that you connected with on a level so intimate, you discovered a level of emotion and feeling that you thought previously nonexistent?
I've heard it said that you never forget your first Love. For me, this is absolutely true. When our relationship ended I was devastated. It was like all those feelings of acceptance, understanding, connecting, and warmth running in reverse. The feelings of loss were so jagged and raw... We ended up going our separate ways and eventually the pain was numbed away, but there was a small part of my being that would never forget what that felt like. A small part of my self that will always Love him despite how in-congruent our lives are, or how unrealistic or unhealthy we would be together.
In some ways the wound of that past is still with me. It will throb with a forgotten pain, and flood me with memories, both good and bad. Why must the past remind me so vividly of this experience? Why must my emotions run amok beyond my ability of logic to contain them? Just as quickly as it started, the thoughts fade, and the present returns.
Maybe it's just because I have nothing to complain about right now, my mind has to resurrect half forgotten ghosts from my past. Maybe it's just an introspective kick, and as I examine what made me what I am, I scratched a forgot sore. Maybe we never forget anything, but just bury that which we don't know how to confront.
"you were the one, you were my everything
never apart,no one in-between
then one day, when you went your own way
you felt justified, and I was mortified
but today...
you are just a picture and a thousand memories is all I take with me"
Bad Religion - 1000 Memories
I've heard it said that you never forget your first Love. For me, this is absolutely true. When our relationship ended I was devastated. It was like all those feelings of acceptance, understanding, connecting, and warmth running in reverse. The feelings of loss were so jagged and raw... We ended up going our separate ways and eventually the pain was numbed away, but there was a small part of my being that would never forget what that felt like. A small part of my self that will always Love him despite how in-congruent our lives are, or how unrealistic or unhealthy we would be together.
In some ways the wound of that past is still with me. It will throb with a forgotten pain, and flood me with memories, both good and bad. Why must the past remind me so vividly of this experience? Why must my emotions run amok beyond my ability of logic to contain them? Just as quickly as it started, the thoughts fade, and the present returns.
Maybe it's just because I have nothing to complain about right now, my mind has to resurrect half forgotten ghosts from my past. Maybe it's just an introspective kick, and as I examine what made me what I am, I scratched a forgot sore. Maybe we never forget anything, but just bury that which we don't know how to confront.
"you were the one, you were my everything
never apart,no one in-between
then one day, when you went your own way
you felt justified, and I was mortified
but today...
you are just a picture and a thousand memories is all I take with me"
Bad Religion - 1000 Memories