*sigh*
I was really frustrated earlier, but I'm feeling better now.
I had quartet exams in Mosaic Harmony tonight, and THANK GOODNESS I got a re-do, because I FUCKED UP the first time. I CAN'T BE ALTO!!!! Honestly, if she had said "get up there and sing soprano", which isn't my part, I could have. I did, in fact. And I'm a fucking alto. I was so frustrated I was crying!!!
I hate being an alto. It's so goddam crippling. I think I might be losing my upper range. GRRR.
I know most of the people reading this won't get it, and that's fine. I don't expect you to. But music is such a big part of life. I can't live without it. I hate so many of the songs we sing too- I really miss Mr. Coderre. I almost resent the singing. I'm so unconfident and I feel really controlled. I mean, even though I wasn't confident with Mr. Coderre, at least the group was really tight and I didn't feel ubercontrolled.
I kind of want to cry.
And I'm annoyed because I gave Alex my MSN yesterday and he still hasn't added me. I know it's stupid, but it's driving me fucking nuts. I really like him, and I'm really starting to think he doesn't like me, but I'll live.
Christ, why can't someone like me for once???? I don't understand. All my friends get crushed on. Or if they don't they at least have a chance. I don't. Why? Because I'm not fucking skinny. I'm so sick of being judged by it. I want someone to love me so much, I mean, I know people do, especially Monkey and Apple, but more than that you know? Like not just as a friend, but as a girl.... arg I don't really know how to explain it. But I'm almost lonely, and there's no reason for me to be. It's so goddam dumb. If someone, hell even if it was fucking Dan Howard, liked me, I'd feel better about myself.
Well, maybe not Dan Howard. But fuck! I'm so SICK OF IT!
I just need... fuck I don't even know. But I need something.
I need to be thin. If I ever want a boyfriend again, I have to be thin. And that's the bottom fucking line.
The only thing that really made me laugh today was my darlings Apple and Monkey, and Wilson hitting himself with his shirt. That was amusing.
On the plus side, my A/B class got cancelled, so I have A and B/C free, which means I don't have to get to school until 9.20 for History. Then I have a French test... then I'm on vacation, and seeing National Treasure with Monkey and Apple.
The other good thing is that my English next term will be Reading Media 1 with Mr. Dziura, who kicks ass. So far in my class are (that I know of):
Robbie (wOOt)
Pete Cohen (wOOt)
Kristi (wOOt)
Guy Antonacci (wOOt)
Matt Soja (wOOt)
Trevor McKewen (wOOt)
Dan Howard (NOOOO!!!)
And I'm the only junior. Fuck yea!
Well, I'm out. I'm feeling a little better, but I don't know... I'm just so... yea.
I had quartet exams in Mosaic Harmony tonight, and THANK GOODNESS I got a re-do, because I FUCKED UP the first time. I CAN'T BE ALTO!!!! Honestly, if she had said "get up there and sing soprano", which isn't my part, I could have. I did, in fact. And I'm a fucking alto. I was so frustrated I was crying!!!
I hate being an alto. It's so goddam crippling. I think I might be losing my upper range. GRRR.
I know most of the people reading this won't get it, and that's fine. I don't expect you to. But music is such a big part of life. I can't live without it. I hate so many of the songs we sing too- I really miss Mr. Coderre. I almost resent the singing. I'm so unconfident and I feel really controlled. I mean, even though I wasn't confident with Mr. Coderre, at least the group was really tight and I didn't feel ubercontrolled.
I kind of want to cry.
And I'm annoyed because I gave Alex my MSN yesterday and he still hasn't added me. I know it's stupid, but it's driving me fucking nuts. I really like him, and I'm really starting to think he doesn't like me, but I'll live.
Christ, why can't someone like me for once???? I don't understand. All my friends get crushed on. Or if they don't they at least have a chance. I don't. Why? Because I'm not fucking skinny. I'm so sick of being judged by it. I want someone to love me so much, I mean, I know people do, especially Monkey and Apple, but more than that you know? Like not just as a friend, but as a girl.... arg I don't really know how to explain it. But I'm almost lonely, and there's no reason for me to be. It's so goddam dumb. If someone, hell even if it was fucking Dan Howard, liked me, I'd feel better about myself.
Well, maybe not Dan Howard. But fuck! I'm so SICK OF IT!
I just need... fuck I don't even know. But I need something.
I need to be thin. If I ever want a boyfriend again, I have to be thin. And that's the bottom fucking line.
The only thing that really made me laugh today was my darlings Apple and Monkey, and Wilson hitting himself with his shirt. That was amusing.
On the plus side, my A/B class got cancelled, so I have A and B/C free, which means I don't have to get to school until 9.20 for History. Then I have a French test... then I'm on vacation, and seeing National Treasure with Monkey and Apple.
The other good thing is that my English next term will be Reading Media 1 with Mr. Dziura, who kicks ass. So far in my class are (that I know of):
Robbie (wOOt)
Pete Cohen (wOOt)
Kristi (wOOt)
Guy Antonacci (wOOt)
Matt Soja (wOOt)
Trevor McKewen (wOOt)
Dan Howard (NOOOO!!!)
And I'm the only junior. Fuck yea!
Well, I'm out. I'm feeling a little better, but I don't know... I'm just so... yea.