Frustrated and Scared
The easiest way for me to think is by typing things on the computer or by writing things down. Well, I'm no good at keeping a journal so typing it up on here is much easier. I have a lot of stuff going on in my head right now, but the one that is bugging me the most is this: in about one month, Travis graduates. Then its summer, I'll be sixteen, and we'll have all the time in the world to be together and around each other (minus the hours that he'll be working). And then bang, I have to go back to school for my junior year of high school. I'll have homework and school work and clubs and band and I'll be taking dance lessons by then, on top of my voice lessons. I will have no problem making sure that Travis and I get to see each other, that's not the issue. I'm scared that because of the free time he'll have (or if he is going to college, the people he'll meet there) will cause him to think different of me. I'm scared that he'll meet another girl that is closer to his age (not 2 1/2 years younger than him) and will have the same amount of time as him to go hang out. I know its probably not good for me to be thinking so far into the future, but its how I am. I think about the future and whether Travis and I will be together or not, a lot. I always hope that we will, but this fear of him meeting someone he will like more than me is very very alive in me. What am I supposed to do?