A thing or two about observations.
One of the many great things about having a child is that you start to look at everything like its brand new again. Take snow for instance. I dressed him up nice and warm and took him out on the deck this morning. Sat him down in the snow so I could take a few pictures and then just sat there for a little bit watching him feel the snow in his hands and try to eat it, and then laughed as his great big blue eyes widened as he realized that it's really cold.
I know, I know, everyone who has a kid thinks everything they do is absolutly adorable. But it is really calming for me to sit with him and do everything that he does. I sat there feeling the texture of snow in my hand, how cold it feels in your mouth. The color, and how everything around it and under it is that much more defined in terms of texture and color. I havent looked at snow like that in years, because I hate the winter and try to hibernate. I forgot how pretty the first snowfall of the year looks. How Christmas lights look underneathe it. tracks of different birds, people.
This is like this pretty much everyday of my life. Im still not sure what kind of life I am going to be able to provide for him, but I will make damn sure I go without so that his will be better than mine. I was never a selfish person, but I'd give up everything for him. I say that I am alone a lot, but Im really not. He alone can make me smile when I know there isnt much else to smile at. He reaches up with his pudgy little hands and wipes my face when I am crying, then sticks his fingers in his mouth to see what they taste like. I do the same, and the bitterness I think those tears are really arent so bitter. My heart is filled with love, and there I find the peace I search for.
He's such a challenging baby. Who would have thought that the kind of man I'd love the most is short, fat, bald(ing), and toothless =)
I know, I know, everyone who has a kid thinks everything they do is absolutly adorable. But it is really calming for me to sit with him and do everything that he does. I sat there feeling the texture of snow in my hand, how cold it feels in your mouth. The color, and how everything around it and under it is that much more defined in terms of texture and color. I havent looked at snow like that in years, because I hate the winter and try to hibernate. I forgot how pretty the first snowfall of the year looks. How Christmas lights look underneathe it. tracks of different birds, people.
This is like this pretty much everyday of my life. Im still not sure what kind of life I am going to be able to provide for him, but I will make damn sure I go without so that his will be better than mine. I was never a selfish person, but I'd give up everything for him. I say that I am alone a lot, but Im really not. He alone can make me smile when I know there isnt much else to smile at. He reaches up with his pudgy little hands and wipes my face when I am crying, then sticks his fingers in his mouth to see what they taste like. I do the same, and the bitterness I think those tears are really arent so bitter. My heart is filled with love, and there I find the peace I search for.
He's such a challenging baby. Who would have thought that the kind of man I'd love the most is short, fat, bald(ing), and toothless =)