Warning: Do not read if you have a weak stomache, or just don't give a rat's ass.
Today I had my LEEP procedure done. (pain and suffering.) I got a ton more information aside from the bullshit information given to me in Kentucky. I was actually able to watch the procedure some on a moniter. (Vagina and it's parts are disgusting. No wonder some guys do not enjoy giving oral sex, and I just don't understand lesbians.)
So yeah I have severe displaysia, so severe that it was clearly visible to the naked eye. You could also see how the abnormal cells made it's way down throuout my cervix on the outside. And for those of you who don't know what it looks like (and if you don't care to know just don't bother reading anymore) Make a fist. It's not as big or long as a fist but you get the picture. Around the hole of your fist is the opening to the uterus and all that. Around this opening were white spots, the abnormal cells. so pretty much the whole opening was covered in white cells. what the doctor was concerned about was that it looked like these cells were making thier way into the inside of my cervix. so pretty much what they did was stuff a thing that looked like a spoon into my cervix to scrape the lining and deeper cell tissues to see whats going on, and also to take whats left of the lining, (grosser yet, as luck would have it, I got my period yesterday, my second one since having Auron.) and also cut off like the whole top of my cervix.
I'm bleeding pretty heavily now and it feels like someone kicked me in the balls with something blunt.
The test results come back in 4 weeks, and if it turns out to what they are thinking it is, talk of options begin.
And on top of all this, I get screamed at because going from here to Kentucky and back "should not be all his responsibility."
I'm so fucking sorry for asking you to come up here and take me and Auron back there because he has an appointment you sorry son of a bitch. I'm so fucking sorry that I have cancer and chose to get treated somewhere KNOWN for having women's cancer specialists, and not from some dipshit small town with the mentality "if you wa'ant bore here then yall aint welcome heah" kind of bullshit. And the shit of it is, Im just too fucking tired anymore. Then dont you prick. Ill make my own fucking way there, clean up ALL of my personal shit, get him on PA insurance, get all of his records faxed up here, and you can stay down there and rot.
Im going to stop this anger, this hurt. because then I'll say somthing like I didnt realize my cancer and your son is such an inconvienince and a lot of expenditure. I dont need you. I dont need fucking anyone. I'll do this and go through this on my own. Because you know what? No matter what its all about YOU. I don't ask for much, just an ear. but that is marred because of "feelings." I feel too much or I feel not enough, or I don't feel the same. Fuck all that and fuck you.
and so, I have a headache. I'm pretty proud of myself for writing only a little about of all the black rage that went through my mind.
I learned my lesson though. I was schooled. It's getting less and less you know, all this feeling and talking about it stuff.
So yeah I have severe displaysia, so severe that it was clearly visible to the naked eye. You could also see how the abnormal cells made it's way down throuout my cervix on the outside. And for those of you who don't know what it looks like (and if you don't care to know just don't bother reading anymore) Make a fist. It's not as big or long as a fist but you get the picture. Around the hole of your fist is the opening to the uterus and all that. Around this opening were white spots, the abnormal cells. so pretty much the whole opening was covered in white cells. what the doctor was concerned about was that it looked like these cells were making thier way into the inside of my cervix. so pretty much what they did was stuff a thing that looked like a spoon into my cervix to scrape the lining and deeper cell tissues to see whats going on, and also to take whats left of the lining, (grosser yet, as luck would have it, I got my period yesterday, my second one since having Auron.) and also cut off like the whole top of my cervix.
I'm bleeding pretty heavily now and it feels like someone kicked me in the balls with something blunt.
The test results come back in 4 weeks, and if it turns out to what they are thinking it is, talk of options begin.
And on top of all this, I get screamed at because going from here to Kentucky and back "should not be all his responsibility."
I'm so fucking sorry for asking you to come up here and take me and Auron back there because he has an appointment you sorry son of a bitch. I'm so fucking sorry that I have cancer and chose to get treated somewhere KNOWN for having women's cancer specialists, and not from some dipshit small town with the mentality "if you wa'ant bore here then yall aint welcome heah" kind of bullshit. And the shit of it is, Im just too fucking tired anymore. Then dont you prick. Ill make my own fucking way there, clean up ALL of my personal shit, get him on PA insurance, get all of his records faxed up here, and you can stay down there and rot.
Im going to stop this anger, this hurt. because then I'll say somthing like I didnt realize my cancer and your son is such an inconvienince and a lot of expenditure. I dont need you. I dont need fucking anyone. I'll do this and go through this on my own. Because you know what? No matter what its all about YOU. I don't ask for much, just an ear. but that is marred because of "feelings." I feel too much or I feel not enough, or I don't feel the same. Fuck all that and fuck you.
and so, I have a headache. I'm pretty proud of myself for writing only a little about of all the black rage that went through my mind.
I learned my lesson though. I was schooled. It's getting less and less you know, all this feeling and talking about it stuff.