Job Plz
Man, this unemployed thing sucks. I realize that I am a dude who woke up at 11 this morning saying this, but still, it totally sucks. Naturally, I'm unemployed in a state with a FOURTEEN PERCENT unemployment rate, so the jobs ain't exactly being shat down from the heavens.
So I get a notice from one of the staffing agencies I've been harassing lately. Sales! Entry Level! Base Salary plus Commission! Free Titfucks!
Because I'm getting near the end of my rope, I express interest. Hell, I'll bite.
I get sent a "script" that I'd be reading as part of the phone interview. I take a gander at it and it's pretty standard sales-call horseshit, the whole Progressive "We're totally checking all of these companies to get you the best quote, and certainly not telling you that and then staring at our cocks for twenty seconds" thing. At this point, my finely-tuned Bullshit senses start tingling. I'm two paragraphs into this script and I'd have theoretically lied to my prospective client SEVEN TIMES. Also, not for nothing, this thing is littered with ALL CAPS and EXTRANEOUS EXCLAMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally at the bottom of the script I find the boilerplate added onto the speech, wherein they identify their company and how awesomely not-fake they are. "WE'RE TOTALLY A-RATED, WHICH YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, BUT A IS GOOD AND HERE'S WHY." They are THE ASSURANCE GROUP, a wonderfully generic name makes it difficult to do internet research on.
So I get on RipoffReport.com, and after searching for them I get a rap sheet longer than my co... uh, arm. These guys run the gamut of fucking people at all levels- paid shitty leads, contract stipulations, extremely low commissions, liberal use of the Pear of Anguish, and legal threats should you attempt to quit or if you don't sell enough shitty insurance policies.
So, I'm proud of myself for being able to detect bullshit when I'm chin-deep in it, but still out of a job. Oh well, at least I've got that Nigerian Princess thing going for me.
So I get a notice from one of the staffing agencies I've been harassing lately. Sales! Entry Level! Base Salary plus Commission! Free Titfucks!
Because I'm getting near the end of my rope, I express interest. Hell, I'll bite.
I get sent a "script" that I'd be reading as part of the phone interview. I take a gander at it and it's pretty standard sales-call horseshit, the whole Progressive "We're totally checking all of these companies to get you the best quote, and certainly not telling you that and then staring at our cocks for twenty seconds" thing. At this point, my finely-tuned Bullshit senses start tingling. I'm two paragraphs into this script and I'd have theoretically lied to my prospective client SEVEN TIMES. Also, not for nothing, this thing is littered with ALL CAPS and EXTRANEOUS EXCLAMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally at the bottom of the script I find the boilerplate added onto the speech, wherein they identify their company and how awesomely not-fake they are. "WE'RE TOTALLY A-RATED, WHICH YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, BUT A IS GOOD AND HERE'S WHY." They are THE ASSURANCE GROUP, a wonderfully generic name makes it difficult to do internet research on.
So I get on RipoffReport.com, and after searching for them I get a rap sheet longer than my co... uh, arm. These guys run the gamut of fucking people at all levels- paid shitty leads, contract stipulations, extremely low commissions, liberal use of the Pear of Anguish, and legal threats should you attempt to quit or if you don't sell enough shitty insurance policies.
So, I'm proud of myself for being able to detect bullshit when I'm chin-deep in it, but still out of a job. Oh well, at least I've got that Nigerian Princess thing going for me.