(no subject)
New meme. I read this reported in the Telegraph; thought I'd answer it. Apparently Country Life considers these essential skills.
Every young man and woman should know how to:
1. Cook three different dinner party menus
Cannot... I can just about cook for two!
2. Say 'Can you help me please' in Arabic, Cantonese, Urdu, Spanish and Russian
Don't bother in Cantonese, they all speak English here. Surely Mandarin would be more useful? Qing wen yixia... The others I can't manage at all.
3. Play a musical instrument, even if it's the tom-toms or a mouth organ
Yes.
4. Ride a horse to jackaroo standard
What is jackaroo standard? I've never even tried, so i doubt it.
5. Be a 'tech whisperer', able to fix and set up the latest techno-gadgets.
I'd like to think so.
6. Talk about five classics of English literature with authority and passion
Passion perhaps, authority no, I always talk a load of...
7. Perform resuscitation on someone who has stopped breathing
Yes.
8. Know how to grow carrots from seed, distinguish five native trees, identify twenty flowers and arrange a bunch
No, I have brown fingers.
9. Handle a shotgun, skin a rabbit, gut a fish and pluck a pigeon
Sadly my experience is lacking in all of these areas.
10. Repair a bicycle puncture and fix the chain
Yes.
11. Dance the eightsome reel, waltz to Strauss and bop to Lady Gaga
Nobody bops! Anyway, I have two left feet so I'll pass on the dancing.
12. Taste the difference between a Sauvignon Blanc and a Chardonnay and know how to mix a mojito or margarita
Not so good here, try me on beer.
13. Write a memorable thank-you letter
Always late but generally competent (but my wife adds: hard to read).
14. Recognise Mozart, Elgar and Handel
Easy, the three are worlds apart. Don't ask me titles though.
15. Put up a shelf and change a plug
And more besides.
16. Tie a bow tie, bowline and Bloody Butcher (fishing fly)
One out of three; I scorn those wearing ready-made ties.
17. Sail a boat across The Solent
I once sailed a topper off the Costa del Sol, I guess it doesn't count.
18. Carve a joint of meat
Neatly, no.
19. Tell the difference between Gothic, Baroque and Palladian architecture
With reasonable confidence.
20. Make a speech, entertain an audience with a joke or an anecdote, and sing at least two songs by heart
Working on this one. I can sing a lot of songs by heart though not all are suitable for mixed company.
21. Drive a tractor, reverse a trailer, renew engine oil and change a wheel
Yep.
22. Find their way round five capital cities
Hmmm... London at any time and Paris to a certain extent; confident anywhere else as long as I have a map. Is that allowed?
23. Host a party and put others at their ease
Not really a social expert, I'll pass on this one.
24. Sustain a 10-shot rally at tennis
Depends on my opponent. Table-tennis ditto but I am much better at it.
25. Build a bonfire and lay a fire
Yes.
26. Perform three good card tricks
Not at all, two left hands also.
27. Identify five constellations and find the North Star
No, I grew up in London. The light in the sky is most likely an aeroplane.
28. Score a cricket match
Yes.
29. Talk knowledgeably about five British landmarks
Only if they are Engineering landmarks. See also my response to skill no. 6.
30. Uncork and pour a bottle of Champagne
Without style but also without spilling it everywhere, yes.
31. Iron a shirt, sew on a button and sew up a hem
Two out of three.
32. Amuse small children for at least an hour with magic tricks and story telling
How small? I used to help in a primary school.
33. Read a map, pitch a tent and pack a rucksack
Yes though not with any great skill.
34. Be authoritatively acquainted with at least one work by da Vinci, Constable, Degas, Turner and Canaletto
Recognise yes, acquainted definitely not.
35. Know how to manage a bank account
This should be higher up the list, I think, and also include tax return abilities. By the way, I just filed mine online in HK, it took me 10 minutes and my bill for the year is rather less than HK$1000 - Mr Osborne, take note.
36. Slip away from a football riot
Been there, done that.
37. Address a member of the Royal Family
Your Majesty for the Queen, Your Royal Highness for everyone else, and after that Sir or Ma'am as appropriate (correct?).
38. Complain effectively but politely in a restaurant
I've been known to do it, and not just in restaurants, but it's not one of my strengths.
39. Deliver a lamb
Oddly, no!
Every young man and woman should know how to:
1. Cook three different dinner party menus
Cannot... I can just about cook for two!
2. Say 'Can you help me please' in Arabic, Cantonese, Urdu, Spanish and Russian
Don't bother in Cantonese, they all speak English here. Surely Mandarin would be more useful? Qing wen yixia... The others I can't manage at all.
3. Play a musical instrument, even if it's the tom-toms or a mouth organ
Yes.
4. Ride a horse to jackaroo standard
What is jackaroo standard? I've never even tried, so i doubt it.
5. Be a 'tech whisperer', able to fix and set up the latest techno-gadgets.
I'd like to think so.
6. Talk about five classics of English literature with authority and passion
Passion perhaps, authority no, I always talk a load of...
7. Perform resuscitation on someone who has stopped breathing
Yes.
8. Know how to grow carrots from seed, distinguish five native trees, identify twenty flowers and arrange a bunch
No, I have brown fingers.
9. Handle a shotgun, skin a rabbit, gut a fish and pluck a pigeon
Sadly my experience is lacking in all of these areas.
10. Repair a bicycle puncture and fix the chain
Yes.
11. Dance the eightsome reel, waltz to Strauss and bop to Lady Gaga
Nobody bops! Anyway, I have two left feet so I'll pass on the dancing.
12. Taste the difference between a Sauvignon Blanc and a Chardonnay and know how to mix a mojito or margarita
Not so good here, try me on beer.
13. Write a memorable thank-you letter
Always late but generally competent (but my wife adds: hard to read).
14. Recognise Mozart, Elgar and Handel
Easy, the three are worlds apart. Don't ask me titles though.
15. Put up a shelf and change a plug
And more besides.
16. Tie a bow tie, bowline and Bloody Butcher (fishing fly)
One out of three; I scorn those wearing ready-made ties.
17. Sail a boat across The Solent
I once sailed a topper off the Costa del Sol, I guess it doesn't count.
18. Carve a joint of meat
Neatly, no.
19. Tell the difference between Gothic, Baroque and Palladian architecture
With reasonable confidence.
20. Make a speech, entertain an audience with a joke or an anecdote, and sing at least two songs by heart
Working on this one. I can sing a lot of songs by heart though not all are suitable for mixed company.
21. Drive a tractor, reverse a trailer, renew engine oil and change a wheel
Yep.
22. Find their way round five capital cities
Hmmm... London at any time and Paris to a certain extent; confident anywhere else as long as I have a map. Is that allowed?
23. Host a party and put others at their ease
Not really a social expert, I'll pass on this one.
24. Sustain a 10-shot rally at tennis
Depends on my opponent. Table-tennis ditto but I am much better at it.
25. Build a bonfire and lay a fire
Yes.
26. Perform three good card tricks
Not at all, two left hands also.
27. Identify five constellations and find the North Star
No, I grew up in London. The light in the sky is most likely an aeroplane.
28. Score a cricket match
Yes.
29. Talk knowledgeably about five British landmarks
Only if they are Engineering landmarks. See also my response to skill no. 6.
30. Uncork and pour a bottle of Champagne
Without style but also without spilling it everywhere, yes.
31. Iron a shirt, sew on a button and sew up a hem
Two out of three.
32. Amuse small children for at least an hour with magic tricks and story telling
How small? I used to help in a primary school.
33. Read a map, pitch a tent and pack a rucksack
Yes though not with any great skill.
34. Be authoritatively acquainted with at least one work by da Vinci, Constable, Degas, Turner and Canaletto
Recognise yes, acquainted definitely not.
35. Know how to manage a bank account
This should be higher up the list, I think, and also include tax return abilities. By the way, I just filed mine online in HK, it took me 10 minutes and my bill for the year is rather less than HK$1000 - Mr Osborne, take note.
36. Slip away from a football riot
Been there, done that.
37. Address a member of the Royal Family
Your Majesty for the Queen, Your Royal Highness for everyone else, and after that Sir or Ma'am as appropriate (correct?).
38. Complain effectively but politely in a restaurant
I've been known to do it, and not just in restaurants, but it's not one of my strengths.
39. Deliver a lamb
Oddly, no!