(no subject)
sometimes it baffles the hell out of me that people actually want to remember what i say. you know, honestly im not all that funny. its kind of wierd that people laugh when i talk and some people just hang on my every story, even if theyve heard it 10 times. its actually really strange to me. ive always wanted to be an entertainer. a singer, a comic, an actress...i wonder occasionally if the sadness ive experienced and the horror my brain has inflicted on me have made me funnier than i give myself credit for. perhaps i see humor in places other people dont and share that humor more simply because ive been forced to look for the humor in situations where other people dont have to look. for instance, last night terry and i were making "your mom" jokes at one another and he looked at me all serious and said "my mom is in a box..." i responded with "yeah, it happens" and continued with the conversation. he looked at me with this expression of amazement in his eyes and just burst out laughing. you know, other people would have been really offended, and theres no way i could be with someone like that. i just dont see the point in being upset about such things all the time. my bipolar and my history of cutting are something that most people are afraid of joking about. they dont know how im going to respond when its discussed, they dont understand that if you dont see humor in such things those things take over your life and you are no longer your own person.
maybe my willingness to joke about and discuss things most other people shy away from is the reason why people think im so funny. maybe thats why people are willing to listen to stories i tell 10, 15 or even 20 times. maybe that willingness is what makes connections in my head that dont occur in other peoples brains.
im aware that im nothing special. i do know that any entertaining i end up doing is going to be on a small scale, but you know...that means a lot to me anyways. to bring a smile to one persons face, a laugh to anothers lips. it really brings me a lot of happiness. i love that. my life is slowly shaping into what its supposed to be. and its nothing like what i wanted when i was younger. its not even anything i wanted even a year ago. its more than i ever expected. i have friends that really go out of their way for me, and i want to go out of my way for them. i couldnt have imagined anything better. i hope my life continues like this. im going to keep fighting to stay sane so i dont lose whats been handed to me so randomly.
x♥x♥ steffie kaye.
maybe my willingness to joke about and discuss things most other people shy away from is the reason why people think im so funny. maybe thats why people are willing to listen to stories i tell 10, 15 or even 20 times. maybe that willingness is what makes connections in my head that dont occur in other peoples brains.
im aware that im nothing special. i do know that any entertaining i end up doing is going to be on a small scale, but you know...that means a lot to me anyways. to bring a smile to one persons face, a laugh to anothers lips. it really brings me a lot of happiness. i love that. my life is slowly shaping into what its supposed to be. and its nothing like what i wanted when i was younger. its not even anything i wanted even a year ago. its more than i ever expected. i have friends that really go out of their way for me, and i want to go out of my way for them. i couldnt have imagined anything better. i hope my life continues like this. im going to keep fighting to stay sane so i dont lose whats been handed to me so randomly.
x♥x♥ steffie kaye.