(no subject)
...connected. Every once in a while, an individual may step back and examine the smallest bit of the web that links every soul and every decision and see how the most minute becomings of a single instance. Unfortunately, this is nearly always in hind-sight.
This is even furthered when one may be able to admit mistakes. The ability to accept one's own failures and appreciate the hand played in a situation long past.
Regrets are human and should never become frowned upon. Without that overriding regret, the mistake is moot.
The other night, I went for a walk. It's been a long time. With the oppresion of heat, I found it hard to keep at it. Even for the hour, the sound of highway traffic drowned the distinct burning of my cigarette. For some reason, that soft, steady crackle always soothes me, even before I smoked. As I wandered, all I could think of was the idea that the undercurrent of sadness and loneliness I had seems to have fizzled. That one thought rippled, making me curious as to the question of my own existance. Have I changed the fiber of my being by accepting that old pull at my heart? Was the distant solitude, and the disdain for that solitude, a factor that was William? Perhaps it's one step closer to the ideas of Taoism. Understanding, accepting, losing deep societal connections in place of true human ones. However, in essence, I always felt that perfection of the Sage is a matter of transforming an individual to the most perfect self. Perhaps it's one step further from who I am. The lose of pain that kept me up, kept me looking around, may have taken me away from becoming a truer William. Or, perhaps, I have simply matured beyond that, have grown and become a new William, and must now attempt to perfect this new person.
The stangest bit is, I miss the past tugging. For some reason, without it, I hardly feel that I feel enough.