Feedback before you beg for it! Yay!editor_miichanFebruary 18 2007, 00:59:36 UTC
I really liked this snippet. You were very clear about the motivations with each of your characters, and you provided ample characterization and plot formation with the dialogue and small details. You didn't go overboard on those details, either! I especially liked the ending... it made me giggle. Only complaint I can give you this time is that you need to grammar check before you post. There were a couple errors, but I know this is a draft so there's plenty of time for that.
Re: Feedback before you beg for it! Yay!daegunkohFebruary 18 2007, 17:34:05 UTC
I do not beg! I demand! Thanks, I know you had some issues with the first bit, and there's a lot I need to add. The more I write this by hand, the more I realize that I'm pretty much skeletoning the story for a more complete, typed draft. Thaaaaanks! Lurve -Father Zoomers
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Lurve,
Jasmyn's mun
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Thaaaaanks!
Lurve
-Father Zoomers
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