Invoking my own dooooom
Sometimes people make silly suggestion, and I go crazy and write them. But I seem to have been crazier than usual - I told graycastle to suggest silly topics for me to write. She's insane! So am I! Poor lunch break, filled with madness. and little more than spell-checking, so beware.
Let's do the Twist Again
"And left foot on . . . heliotrope."
"Heliotrope? Where's heliotrope?"
"Over there. See? In the top right hand corner."
"You want me to put my left foot up there? That's physically impossible."
"Not for you. Go on."
"Heliotrope. I don't remember any heliotrope spots when I let you talk me into this stupid pastime. I'm going to have to bloody dislocate my . . . ow. There. Happy?"
"Not quite. Put your head on . . . cyan."
"You are arsing round with the colours. I'm done."
"No, no! Look, you just have to tip your head back. Go on."
"I don't believe this. Why the hell I let myself be talked into this --"
"Oh, well done! Just a second."
"Huh? What? Look this is quite uncomfortable, you know."
"Just a second! Ah, there we are. Smile!"
*flash*
"Bastard."
Cats on a hot felt roof
The black cat strolled along the top of the wall, surveying the yards and sheds. It didn't seem terribly impressed. With an easy leap it left the wall and landed on a flat garage roof. The sun had made the roofing felt very hot, but the cat's delicate pads didn't seem discomfited. It meandered its way to one corner, where another cat was basking in the heat. It sat directly in front of the second cat, a really rather ordinary looking tabby and narrowed its already quite narrow, evil looking yellow eyes. The tabby didn't move, just gave every indication of snoozing the afternoon away.
"Tell me again," the black cat said, "why this is meant to be a good idea."
"Cats have souls," the tabby said sleepily. "Therefore, they are worth our attention."
"They're not worth my bloody attention. Our brief doesn't actually extend past the human inhabitants of this world, or hadn't you noticed?"
"So, you're not interested in animals in general then?" the tabby said, half opening one eye.
"Let me think of how to phrase this -- no."
"Can I have them?"
"Yes. All of them. Every last blessed one of -- Have I just agreed that Hell can't touch any other species ever?"
The tabby gave the impression it was smiling happily.
"Thank you, my dear."
"Now, listen just because I'm not interes--awwwk!"
The black cat found itself suddenly being held in mid air by the grinning man who sat where the tabby had been.
"Don't go back on a bargain, Crowley. It's not civilised."
"Put. Me. Down. Why can't I turn back?"
"You said I could have the animals. I like you like this. You're very compact."
"How would you like me to compactly claw your fat smug face into ribbons?"
The cat was quickly moved away from face level.
"Tsk. No personal comments. I think I'll take you back to the shop and get you a saucer of cream. Or maybe Cointreau, if you'd prefer. I'll see about getting you neutered tomorrow."
The cat seemed to be beyond speech, but managed to express itself quite well with a yowl. It was gently put back down on the roof. The man scratched it behind one ear.
"Just a joke. You know I wouldn't be so mean."
"Hmmph. I'm thinking of ways to kill you right now. If I still can't turn back in fifteen minutes I'm putting them into practice. And you needn't think I'm going to purr."
"No, no. Of course not. Most undignified."
"Well, as long as you understand that -- you could do the other ear too, you know."
And in other, exciting news, I just got the latest League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, yay! I've flicked through it, and wow, does it seem odder than usual.
Let's do the Twist Again
"And left foot on . . . heliotrope."
"Heliotrope? Where's heliotrope?"
"Over there. See? In the top right hand corner."
"You want me to put my left foot up there? That's physically impossible."
"Not for you. Go on."
"Heliotrope. I don't remember any heliotrope spots when I let you talk me into this stupid pastime. I'm going to have to bloody dislocate my . . . ow. There. Happy?"
"Not quite. Put your head on . . . cyan."
"You are arsing round with the colours. I'm done."
"No, no! Look, you just have to tip your head back. Go on."
"I don't believe this. Why the hell I let myself be talked into this --"
"Oh, well done! Just a second."
"Huh? What? Look this is quite uncomfortable, you know."
"Just a second! Ah, there we are. Smile!"
*flash*
"Bastard."
Cats on a hot felt roof
The black cat strolled along the top of the wall, surveying the yards and sheds. It didn't seem terribly impressed. With an easy leap it left the wall and landed on a flat garage roof. The sun had made the roofing felt very hot, but the cat's delicate pads didn't seem discomfited. It meandered its way to one corner, where another cat was basking in the heat. It sat directly in front of the second cat, a really rather ordinary looking tabby and narrowed its already quite narrow, evil looking yellow eyes. The tabby didn't move, just gave every indication of snoozing the afternoon away.
"Tell me again," the black cat said, "why this is meant to be a good idea."
"Cats have souls," the tabby said sleepily. "Therefore, they are worth our attention."
"They're not worth my bloody attention. Our brief doesn't actually extend past the human inhabitants of this world, or hadn't you noticed?"
"So, you're not interested in animals in general then?" the tabby said, half opening one eye.
"Let me think of how to phrase this -- no."
"Can I have them?"
"Yes. All of them. Every last blessed one of -- Have I just agreed that Hell can't touch any other species ever?"
The tabby gave the impression it was smiling happily.
"Thank you, my dear."
"Now, listen just because I'm not interes--awwwk!"
The black cat found itself suddenly being held in mid air by the grinning man who sat where the tabby had been.
"Don't go back on a bargain, Crowley. It's not civilised."
"Put. Me. Down. Why can't I turn back?"
"You said I could have the animals. I like you like this. You're very compact."
"How would you like me to compactly claw your fat smug face into ribbons?"
The cat was quickly moved away from face level.
"Tsk. No personal comments. I think I'll take you back to the shop and get you a saucer of cream. Or maybe Cointreau, if you'd prefer. I'll see about getting you neutered tomorrow."
The cat seemed to be beyond speech, but managed to express itself quite well with a yowl. It was gently put back down on the roof. The man scratched it behind one ear.
"Just a joke. You know I wouldn't be so mean."
"Hmmph. I'm thinking of ways to kill you right now. If I still can't turn back in fifteen minutes I'm putting them into practice. And you needn't think I'm going to purr."
"No, no. Of course not. Most undignified."
"Well, as long as you understand that -- you could do the other ear too, you know."
And in other, exciting news, I just got the latest League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, yay! I've flicked through it, and wow, does it seem odder than usual.