(no subject)
i was ready for her to leave. i know that sounds bad but it's really not meant to be. i was ready to finally be ok without her and i was ready for her to be ok without me. this was something she needed more than anything else in the world and i hate more than anything that it's not going to happen and i HATE that the reason is so dumb and selfish. this was going to be something that was good for both of us. i was sad that she was leaving but at the same time, i knew that the time apart was going to be something that was only going to help us and see what our relationship was really made of. now i feel like our problems are only going to get worse. i'm only going to get more jealous and she's only going to get more distant. my biggest problem is the fact that now, instead of her leaving me, i'm going to be the one who has to leave her. i want to say that i'm going to be strong enough to do it, but who really knows. i plan on leaving tampa in august and that was going to be hard but ok because even though i have made a few really great friends here, there really wasn't anything keeping me from going. but now she'll be here and i just don't know if i'm going to be ready to deal with that when the time comes. i know it's still a couple months away but it's one of the hardest things i've had to deal with in a long time. i guess we'll know when the time comes just how strong i really am. i hope i'm stronger than i think because i can't keep waiting for her because i know it's never going to happen.