Sad yet true...
Today in class we had to list certain words that made us feel certain ways. It was a really dumb excerise but one of the questions was "A word that makes you feel lonely". And I answered honestly...The word friends makes me feel lonely and almost sad. It reminds me of all the friendships that I have failed or that have taken turns full of disappointment and sorrows. That word reminds me of how many friends I have and the value of those few friendships that I do have. And instead of focusing on that value and joy that those few friendships do bring me, I feel sad and lonely because I'm not blessed with a tremendous amount of the type of friends that everyone seems to have so prevelant. I dont have the type of friends that just come over randomly and hang out or call me up to wander around the mall and I dont have a friend like I used to where I could tell anything about any relationship that I had and not be judged according to what I said. I miss that; I miss being able to come home and talk to Megan. I miss being able to do the worlds most retarded things with Elise and spend countless hours writing a story that now that I look back on was one of the most cheesey things ever written. I miss throwing cooshballs at Zarah and Amanda so hard and so fast that you finally just collapse on the floor in giggles. I miss being able to do someone's hair when they're about to go out for the evening and then stay up until dawn talking about the events of the day over tea and gingersnaps. I miss having someone just sit with me on my floor and stare at the ceiling. I miss phone calls that are about absolutely nothing and I miss never having to hear "Oh I'm sorry, I'm busy with another friend of mine" or "I have homework and cant do anything" because we would do the homework together or that other friend, wasnt as important as I was. I know that sounds horrible but I do miss feeling like the most important friend in the world to someone and having that feeling myself. That feeling that there was one friend I could always goof off with and hang out with no matter who else offered an invitation. This is a sad statement, but it's true of my life. The word Friend makes me feel lonely.