Of encouragement and grief
I shared something with my parents today. I felt the need to email them and Andrew about my personal quiet times and struggles with them as well as encouragement that I've found through sermons online by Ravi Zacharias. I shared my heart as best I could and I sent the same email to both my parents and Andrew with a paragraph specifically writen for each. I received an email back from my dad a few hours later and now I'm sitting here struggling with the fact that the response sounded more accusing and critical than an encouragement. Accusing and critical is a bit harsh but they were the only words I could think to use. Maybe a better description would be when you tell a friend something, just thoughts on a issue in your life and they respond with answers and comments that sound like they were coming from your parents. I'm starting to get to the point where I want my parents more as friends...brothers and sisters in Christ rather than just my parents. When I share things with them, I almost want more of an older, wiser friends advice than the thoughts a views of a parent. Its hard to explain. But after reading my dads response, there was an element of frustration when I read it rather than the encouraging feel I thought I would receive from it. I'm also a little conscerned because since I sent the email to both my parents and Andrew, my dad felt the need to share his response with not only me but Andrew as well. He also included sentences and paragraphs geared specifically to Andrew. Maybe I'm just overly cautious of how my dad and Andrew talk because I know how my dad talks. I know how he thinks and how things he says can be taken wrong or as an offense. I know because I am the same way...and also because I've known my father all my life and learned how to speak 'Steve' as we call it around the house. I'm also cautious because I know how Andrew takes things. I know how a harmless word can be a buzz word to him and puts him on the defensive because he thinks you are attacking his character. Both Andrew and my father have faults with how they talk to each other. My dad can be far too hard on Andrew and pounce on something in conversation that wasnt meant as a big deal. And Andrew can be too defensive and take no note of something that was said to him because he believed it to be an attack. I feel as if maybe I should ask my dad to be a little more encouraging when he talks to Andrew and myself of things like preparing for the future or growing spiritually and I feel like I need to tell Andrew not to be offended by anything my dad said and that he didnt mean it in a manner than would be offensive. Needless to say, that simple email to the people that I love most in the world seems to have brought grief that I never intended.