Destruction
You know what makes me feel worse than anything in the entire world? Contrary to what you may think, it isn't rejection, or disapointing others. It isn't loneliness, or my depression. It isnt exhaustion or stress...although all of those come in at a close second. It's stepping on ant hills.
Yes, you read that correctly. Stepping on ant hills absolutely kill me inside. I seriously mourn the fact that either by accident, or on purpose, their entire home has been destroyed.
I mean, as a human I sit and wonder so often what really is the MEANING of life? We've made it into being successful and happy. Having a family, being a good significant other, getting a job you enjoy, exploring the worlds, being able to buy and maintain the home you desire, etc. But what does it all amount to in the long run? Practically nothing. It means absolutely nothing come the moment you die. Aside from religious purposes, there is nothing after death. So what good is growing to be 80 if you're just eager to enter Gods kingdom, or start your new life after resurection, or whatever it is you choose to believe happens.
That is the reason that stepping on ant hills pains me so much. As a human, one of the most superior beings on the planet, with all of my power and knowledge and growth as an entire colony of humans, can feel that distraught about my own lifecycle, what does an ant feel?
We dont even think about it. Some people step on them for fun, some people step on them because they're pests, some people dont even know they step on them. We drive over them, mow the lawn around them, dig up the earth and landscape. We do all of this stuff...after they've spent hours upon hours working on their tiny hill.
Dont get me wrong. I hate the ants that invade homes to eat food left uncovered...they're annoying. But worker ants, all of those little guys we see actually SEARCHING for food, searching for bits of dirt and sand to build their colony's home...they deserve more. Why do they even bother? They dedicate their lives to building this home, knowing it'll be knocked down, or destroyed in the rain...so what do I have to complain about? Atleast I can get 50 years of enjoyment out of my habitat, and chances are I didnt have to build it with my own hands.
I am grateful to be human. Even if it won't amount to anything.