It could use a bit more work on the technical side, but the flow of this one was well-executed. You were able to show how Zeke and Cy's relationship (also Damien's regard for Az) was like through the dialogue. Zeke seems like love. XD
MALI YUN FIRST, DON'T REP.dadomzMay 5 2006, 05:07:43 UTC
Technical in what manner? Grammar-wise (*scratches head, no clue*)?
Yeah the flow was meant to be short and concise and not at all revealing because I wanted to experiment with the obscure and concealed writing style wherein it didn't showcase much exposition (Although I am aware that background is crucial to the development of the plot) and focused more on the current situation and the emotions.
Da and I wanted Zeke to be Christian Bale look-alike but Chiara says Christian looks like a ferret even if he's absolutely not.
Re: MALI YUN FIRST, DON'T REP.oilspillMay 7 2006, 15:21:09 UTC
>> A huge sigh, “It’s Codeine and an Advil; it’ll do you good.”
The comma here should be a period as the following statement is not meant to be indicative of/indicated by the 'huge sigh.' (They're separate statements, unlike he said, "It's Codeine and an Advil.")
>> “I don’t need a psychiatrist.” He bit out softly, not wanting to recall the succeeding dramas in his life.
The period here should be a comma as the succeeding action describes how the line was said, which was bitingly soft. More importantly, that the line was bitten out softly.
It could use a bit more work on the technical side, but the flow of this one was well-executed. You were able to show how Zeke and Cy's relationship (also Damien's regard for Az) was like through the dialogue. Zeke seems like love. XD
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Yeah the flow was meant to be short and concise and not at all revealing
because I wanted to experiment with the obscure and concealed writing style wherein it didn't showcase much exposition (Although I am aware that background is crucial to the development of the plot) and focused more on the current situation and the emotions.
Da and I wanted Zeke to be Christian Bale look-alike but Chiara says Christian looks like a ferret even if he's absolutely not.
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Ehh o_O @ Christian Bale looking like a ferret.
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The comma here should be a period as the following statement is not meant to be indicative of/indicated by the 'huge sigh.' (They're separate statements, unlike he said, "It's Codeine and an Advil.")
>> “I don’t need a psychiatrist.” He bit out softly, not wanting to recall the succeeding dramas in his life.
The period here should be a comma as the succeeding action describes how the line was said, which was bitingly soft. More importantly, that the line was bitten out softly.
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Love,
Your Master turned Hacker.
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