I don't know why I am surprised..
..about the actual strength of the pain I am feeling. I wasn't remembering the PHYSICAL pain involved with losing somebody you love dearly. I have lost dear animals before, but only Cios was so near to my heart and when she died, I did not really allow myself fully to grieve.. I was alone, then, and I threw myself completely into my new opera company and my budding crush on its conductor (sigh...) and after only a few days, Rossini came into my life and carved himself a place in my heart. I somehow pushed the pain away and surrounded myself only with stuff and people and animals which made me happy.
Which is ok. But now I am feeling not only the cutting pain of the absence of His Fluffiness, everywhere, constantly, but also some kind of backlash to the loss of Cios, which was much more sudden and if possible, even more terrible, because we truly had shared everything.. she slept with me, walked with me, traveled with me.. everything. And I wasn't surrounded by a loving family when she died, so I just blocked the grief.
I guess I'll just have to roll with it this time. I know it gets easier, but having to deal with another sick senior cat at my side doesn't make it fun.. but we'll manage.
My mom and I buried him this morning. I made him a bed of soft moss and we planted a hydrangea, he loved to rest under these flowers.
Which is ok. But now I am feeling not only the cutting pain of the absence of His Fluffiness, everywhere, constantly, but also some kind of backlash to the loss of Cios, which was much more sudden and if possible, even more terrible, because we truly had shared everything.. she slept with me, walked with me, traveled with me.. everything. And I wasn't surrounded by a loving family when she died, so I just blocked the grief.
I guess I'll just have to roll with it this time. I know it gets easier, but having to deal with another sick senior cat at my side doesn't make it fun.. but we'll manage.
My mom and I buried him this morning. I made him a bed of soft moss and we planted a hydrangea, he loved to rest under these flowers.