Fading Away
I'm becoming less defined, as days go by
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus
Kind of drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
NIN-Only
Ive been thinking the last couple of days and I think I am at the beginning of an identity crisis. I don't feel like myself anymore. A lot of the things that used to define me I either don't do anymore, or they just don't fit. This distresses me some. I feel disconnected. I'm here but I'm not really doing anything I love, I don't do anything worthwhile in my spare time. I don't know what happened.
I used to write, build/update/maintain websites, and listen to music religiously. These were the things I prided myself on and now I don't really do any of them. Ive grown softer and lost myself I think. I feel lost.
I used to be so creative and full of ideas. I am so blank now. I don't write because I cant come up with anything to write. I don't have a website because I have nothing to put on one and as I've said before I've lost my angst and so my music has become bland. Ive lost my fan-girl-ness and so i don't have the urge to worship like before.
I'm not striving for anything. I'm just coasting along. This month has zoomed by because all I do is wake up wishing i didn't have to go to work, go to work and think about going home, go home and do nothing until i go to bed and wish i didn't have to go to work. when in school i occasionally skim a book or write a paper when I'm doing nothing.
I've lost my edge.
I guess I am still fundamentally the same though. I copied this because I was going to count how many things I disagree with in it but after reading it I think it mostly still fits.
This is how I describe myself everywhere (facebook, IAM, myspace maybe)
I am (in no order) bisexual, modified, talkative, socially phobic, morbid, neurotic, helpful, a hard worker, an inside person, mostly androgynous, bored, studious, glam on the inside, non-religious, into music, sober, an avid TV watcher, a movie junkie, eccentric, stoic, odd, goth on the inside, non smoking, not a morning person, Frank-N-Furtur at RHPS, apathetic, not afraid to sing in public, not a good singer, a fan girl, doing some soul searching, growing up.
I still feel unresolved. I need a hobby.
Dana and I are working out now, which I like once we get there. I hate getting the motivation to go but once I'm there I like it.
Dana and I were playing around talking in broken Spanish last night and I realized that after 2 and a half years of it (one of which was honors) in middle and high school I barely know anything. I am going to start trying to learn it. Both to help me in life and to exercise my brain for once. Stimulate the cells again.
I don't know. I need to do something.
I am enjoying helping Dana with her publishing stuff. I wish I could find something to write about. Seriously write about. When you aren't experiencing anything though, it makes it hard to come up with something.
I'm sick of coasting.
Out.
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus
Kind of drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
NIN-Only
Ive been thinking the last couple of days and I think I am at the beginning of an identity crisis. I don't feel like myself anymore. A lot of the things that used to define me I either don't do anymore, or they just don't fit. This distresses me some. I feel disconnected. I'm here but I'm not really doing anything I love, I don't do anything worthwhile in my spare time. I don't know what happened.
I used to write, build/update/maintain websites, and listen to music religiously. These were the things I prided myself on and now I don't really do any of them. Ive grown softer and lost myself I think. I feel lost.
I used to be so creative and full of ideas. I am so blank now. I don't write because I cant come up with anything to write. I don't have a website because I have nothing to put on one and as I've said before I've lost my angst and so my music has become bland. Ive lost my fan-girl-ness and so i don't have the urge to worship like before.
I'm not striving for anything. I'm just coasting along. This month has zoomed by because all I do is wake up wishing i didn't have to go to work, go to work and think about going home, go home and do nothing until i go to bed and wish i didn't have to go to work. when in school i occasionally skim a book or write a paper when I'm doing nothing.
I've lost my edge.
I guess I am still fundamentally the same though. I copied this because I was going to count how many things I disagree with in it but after reading it I think it mostly still fits.
This is how I describe myself everywhere (facebook, IAM, myspace maybe)
I am (in no order) bisexual, modified, talkative, socially phobic, morbid, neurotic, helpful, a hard worker, an inside person, mostly androgynous, bored, studious, glam on the inside, non-religious, into music, sober, an avid TV watcher, a movie junkie, eccentric, stoic, odd, goth on the inside, non smoking, not a morning person, Frank-N-Furtur at RHPS, apathetic, not afraid to sing in public, not a good singer, a fan girl, doing some soul searching, growing up.
I still feel unresolved. I need a hobby.
Dana and I are working out now, which I like once we get there. I hate getting the motivation to go but once I'm there I like it.
Dana and I were playing around talking in broken Spanish last night and I realized that after 2 and a half years of it (one of which was honors) in middle and high school I barely know anything. I am going to start trying to learn it. Both to help me in life and to exercise my brain for once. Stimulate the cells again.
I don't know. I need to do something.
I am enjoying helping Dana with her publishing stuff. I wish I could find something to write about. Seriously write about. When you aren't experiencing anything though, it makes it hard to come up with something.
I'm sick of coasting.
Out.