In need of parenting advice
The house we live in is kind of unusual in its arkatekcher (this place's design doesn't deserve correct spelling); there's a finished attic, but it's only accessible through the second bedroom. Normally we just use it for storage, but a few months ago our daughter (age 17) decided she wanted to sleep up there. Okay, no big deal, she took an air mattress up and has been happy with it. She's usually helpful about bringing down the current season's clothes and taking up the others, so her mother and I really haven't had occasion to go up there.
A week or so ago she complained her air mattress was losing air, and the pump wasn't working. I've done a bit of troubleshooting on the pump with no success, so while she was out last evening I took the vacuum cleaner upstairs to re-inflate the mattress for her.
I was gobsmacked (and not in a good way) to find several Smirnoff Ice bottles, a pack of Marlboros, a small brass pipe, a plastic Coke bottle that had been modified into a "bowl", and a small amount of weed in a plastic bag.
We confronted her with the evidence when she got in, and she admitted to all of it. Currently her punishments include grounding until Spring Break (at least), loss of most privileges (phone, Internet, TV), and writing a letter to her parents explaining why she did this.
I'm really upset by this. I personally don't drink; I come from two families of alcoholics, and as a friend once said, I can learn from other people's mistakes. I don't smoke either, tobacco or ganja, and my wife is asthmatic.
I'm feeling very angry and betrayed right now. I'm trying very hard not to overreact, but this isn't the first time she's lied to us about things going on in her life. She tried to hide a one-day suspension from school last year, and said she'd learned her lesson from that. And almost two years ago, she had to be picked up from a police station after drinking at a party with several other underage folks.
So, anybody have any suggestions regarding behavior modification/discipline/punishment? Or any ways I can deal with this myself?
A week or so ago she complained her air mattress was losing air, and the pump wasn't working. I've done a bit of troubleshooting on the pump with no success, so while she was out last evening I took the vacuum cleaner upstairs to re-inflate the mattress for her.
I was gobsmacked (and not in a good way) to find several Smirnoff Ice bottles, a pack of Marlboros, a small brass pipe, a plastic Coke bottle that had been modified into a "bowl", and a small amount of weed in a plastic bag.
We confronted her with the evidence when she got in, and she admitted to all of it. Currently her punishments include grounding until Spring Break (at least), loss of most privileges (phone, Internet, TV), and writing a letter to her parents explaining why she did this.
I'm really upset by this. I personally don't drink; I come from two families of alcoholics, and as a friend once said, I can learn from other people's mistakes. I don't smoke either, tobacco or ganja, and my wife is asthmatic.
I'm feeling very angry and betrayed right now. I'm trying very hard not to overreact, but this isn't the first time she's lied to us about things going on in her life. She tried to hide a one-day suspension from school last year, and said she'd learned her lesson from that. And almost two years ago, she had to be picked up from a police station after drinking at a party with several other underage folks.
So, anybody have any suggestions regarding behavior modification/discipline/punishment? Or any ways I can deal with this myself?