(no subject)
This is why I should probably not be allowed on the internet.
I have the gift of always finding badfic. the kind of gift I wish I could give back
every fandom I look at AO3 is just as bad as fanfiction.net. Am I just lucky or what?
truly you are gifted, Illyria
AO3 is where I first found 'Kaname gets raped a lot'. so yes
I'm impressed by how terrible Vampire Knight fanfiction is
all the Mary Sues and people non-conning Kaname and super long boring hetfic epics where nothing happens
I . . . sob, I can't say I've been brave enough to really look through it but I'm not surprised.
Just seeing the comments on the VK LJ comm is enough of the fandom for me, hau hau.
someone wrote an 80,000 word story about Ichio non-conning Kaname, from what I can tell
I mostly just read the summaries and word counts and boggle
. . . kjgfdkjg
Ichio w-why /o\
I KNOW FANDOM REALLY ENJOYS KANAME BEING TOPPED AND MOE BUT . . .
I can't say I get it
I also saw one summary where Zero was a French transfer student that fell desperately in love with Kaname
and a lot of stuff like "A girl in the real world gets dragged into the Vampire Knight world. The longer she stays in this world the more something changes in her. What is happening to her and how will this effect the Vampire Knight story line?"
I . . . yeah . . .
"Sara sends Takuma and his friends, with Zero, to the real world but as cats. How will the Gang coup as not only vampires in a new world but as vampire CATS? And what happens when a human finds them." WHAT
this is just from the first page of ff.net
. . . BUT WHY
obviously someone thought VK would be better if everyone was a cat
"Kaname is a brilliant and beautiful orange tiger just sleeping lazily on a tree branch when suddenly he hears a loud noise that disturbs his beauty sleep! How dare right? Kaname is an actual tiger and Zero is a six/seven year old human. Beware MAJOR OOC" I DON'T UNDERSTAND
AHAHAHAHA
Vampire Knight is weird enough already without making people tigers
please tell me that one at least isn't a romance
I sincerely hope not
I tried finding het fic and there was just a lot of really long unfinished fic with a lot of pining. And then at some point I somehow found myself reading fic where Cross and Yagari got married (?!) and then had to find a way to tell the children
which was weird, but I can just see Cross forgetting to tell Yuuki and Zero that he got married. "whoops, was that important" sort of thing
and then I saw fic where vampires go into heat every two years and then ruka's parents arranged her marriage to aidou, which was just bewildering
that does sound like something he would do! :T
Katou I have actually avoided bad VK fanfic the last few days. Be proud of me
Giving your brain time to recover?
mostly I've just been too busy
and I admit the idea of reading about Zero's hair having sentience of its own not currently that appealing
...
oh my
to be honest, it doesn't seem as weird as the fic where Yagari cried and hugged Yuuki
Yagari!!1 llol badfic
and he weepingly confessed his love to Cross, and then Zero had a telepathic link to Kaname that he used to suggest a threesome with Yuuki. who acted like a 12 year old. It was pretty amazing
and by amazing I mean brain-scaring
SUGGESTING A THREESOME
this fic is gold
It was like a slow motion trainwreck. With each sentence it got worse but I couldn't look away
But I find just reading the summaries for fic in the VK section at the pit of voles is a pretty special experience
I cannot get over how terrible Vampire Knight fanfiction is. It's not even excitingly terrible, it's bad in a dull way
and in every new thing I read there's a lot of crying and talking about feelings and sometimes Zero calling Kaien Daddy
I don't even TOUCH it.
wise choice
.....Does he call him daddy in the sexual sense or the platonic sense of the word?
and I don't get why someone would write about Yagari acting like a housewife, when Cross is right there!
...oh dear god I don't touch Kaien/Zero fic with a ten foot pole. I mean, I know it exists
OKAY GOOD
I can wipe that mental image from my mind
...even if it is sort of hilarious
I can't pair people with their father figures! Cannot do it! I can ship almost anything else but that's my limit
I have to admit that's the one thing that gets squicky to me too
.......................
...at least I'm not getting you pregnant? Apparently I leave that to Kaname and Yagari
................. no
I'm not ready to be a grandfather! sob
I did see a summary for Yagari/Yuuki once and I laughed because I think Cross would castrate Yagari with a rusty spoon if he actually showed that kind of interest in his little girl
... YES
oh fanfic. the idea that Yagari, the same guy who told children in his care to hunt their own food, would cook a nice meal and set his table with fancy silverware is freaking bizarre
I refuse to believe he would even own fancy silverware
......... maybe he carved it himself
LIKE A MAN
I could see that!
there you go
with his TEETH even
and just why, if a person is writing Cross/Yagari, is Yagari the one crying and talking about his feelings and making nice dinners and setting the table with fancy silverware
because fandom hates to follow canon
fandom is a big stupidhead
I want fighting and anger and grrr 8U
yes!
drama and action!
and porn! whenever I read het fic NOTHING HAPPENS AND NO SEX IS HAD WHAT IS THE POINT
hahahaha
I read twenty chapters of Kain/Ruka and nothing happened
...I keep trying to make a PWP pun but I just can't figure it out
oh wait I did read bat het porn once. It was this super long super terrible Zero/Yuuki where they said "menses" a lot and Aidou got Sayori pregnant
*bad, not bat
........did Zero give Yuuki oral while she was menstruating or something?
no, but I would read that
I would too, actually
she was like "you can't do that, Zero, I have my menses" and he was all "well if you have your menses I understand" and then Yori was all "my menses is late!!!" NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT
...okay yeah no what
it was pretty terrible
it was like 50 chapters long and I just couldn't stop reading
"When Toga Yagari goes to Cross Academy, he brings along his niece, Kassandra Blade. She trained alongside Zero,and was his best friend in the past. How will Zero react when she shows up? Will it be for the better or worse? -ZeroxOC-" omg hahaha yagari is always sprouting mary sue relatives
must be some kind of genetic defect
hahaha
someone should app Yagari because then me constantly finding fic summaries like this would only be funnier
. . . Kassandra Blade? really?
id make fun of it, but it sounds like something a certain guy in my class would come up with, and guess who's in charge of concept development for our major project
oh you're screwed
ayyyup
Kassandra Blade is nowhere near the worst Mary Sue name I've seen in Vampire Knight fandom, Sian
I can't remember what the name of the woman in the Kaien/sassy OC fic was but it was spectacular
i just don't know why it can't be spelled "Cassandra" ...
hahaha
because that's not special enough
I do data entry, people really do give their kids names like Cam'ron and Ashli and suchlike
JUST GIVE KIDS AND TERRIBLE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS NORMAL NAMES!!!
right the ridiculous Mary Sue from the other day was called "Amarante" and I was like really? really?
. . . amarante
i can only imagine she was a female version of amarant from ff9
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4685576/1/Amarante see for yourself... if you can force yourself through more than a paragraph
the reviews are all praising it for being a rare non-yaoi romance for Cross and it's like, uh, that's probably because the only woman he expresses that kind of interest in in canon was happily married before her tragically gross death.
. . . oh wow . . .
it's so terrible, isn't it
yeah i. my eyeeeeeessssss
I'm sorry. My fandom is kind of shit
that's not even near the worst fic I've read
omg Kurt the fic I'm reading is such a trainwreck. they are now taking time out because crouching hurt Yagari's inexplicably bodgy knee. because that's sexy apparently
...
...holy shit/
. . .
Wait, is this in the middle of sex, or--?
they haven't gotten to the sex yet!
this is terrible!
Yagari might be anemic. :(
then Cross should just fuck the anemia out of him. I don't care! no excuses!
Hahahahahahaha.
and now they're finally in bed but Yagari is consoling him while Cross mopes about Juri. Juri would want them to get to the sex already! or possibly give up and go home because clearly neither of them have any fucking clue
"his own finger still buried in Touga's intestines" okay this is the point I give up. Not even for the promise of really terrible porn will I read any more of that
. . . magic ping . . .
....I'm so sorry
* Je[zzz]e cracks up.
Omg intestines.
What is anatomy.
. . . although now I'm picturing Touga (whoever that is) eating a finger and being in the process of digesting it.
hahaha yuck
Better than the alternative.
some people really like a perforated intestine. it's hot
omg I found fic where yuuki is 7 months pregnant and nobody notices. and the author keeps using the wrong from of 'your'
...
and mixes 'assorted' and 'escorted' up
and for some reason yagari is drunk and at their breakfast table
I really do have a gift
and from the reviews it looks as if both kaname and zero are the father somehow magically
maybe yuuki has a magical uterus
no weirder than anything that happens in canon
omg heavily pregnant yuuki with a magical uterus I can handle but a yuuki that swears all the time is the absolute limit!
...
seven months pregnant, with twins, and nobody notices. hahaha
nobody in vampire knight is that stupid, come on
gosh how would you not notice that
it's not like she's amazonian either
she's a tiny japanese girl, the kids would be out to her knees
I know!
--I do kind of wish there was more fic where Yagari just randomly turned up drunk at their breakfast table, though.
I have the gift of always finding badfic. the kind of gift I wish I could give back
every fandom I look at AO3 is just as bad as fanfiction.net. Am I just lucky or what?
truly you are gifted, Illyria
AO3 is where I first found 'Kaname gets raped a lot'. so yes
I'm impressed by how terrible Vampire Knight fanfiction is
all the Mary Sues and people non-conning Kaname and super long boring hetfic epics where nothing happens
I . . . sob, I can't say I've been brave enough to really look through it but I'm not surprised.
Just seeing the comments on the VK LJ comm is enough of the fandom for me, hau hau.
someone wrote an 80,000 word story about Ichio non-conning Kaname, from what I can tell
I mostly just read the summaries and word counts and boggle
. . . kjgfdkjg
Ichio w-why /o\
I KNOW FANDOM REALLY ENJOYS KANAME BEING TOPPED AND MOE BUT . . .
I can't say I get it
I also saw one summary where Zero was a French transfer student that fell desperately in love with Kaname
and a lot of stuff like "A girl in the real world gets dragged into the Vampire Knight world. The longer she stays in this world the more something changes in her. What is happening to her and how will this effect the Vampire Knight story line?"
I . . . yeah . . .
"Sara sends Takuma and his friends, with Zero, to the real world but as cats. How will the Gang coup as not only vampires in a new world but as vampire CATS? And what happens when a human finds them." WHAT
this is just from the first page of ff.net
. . . BUT WHY
obviously someone thought VK would be better if everyone was a cat
"Kaname is a brilliant and beautiful orange tiger just sleeping lazily on a tree branch when suddenly he hears a loud noise that disturbs his beauty sleep! How dare right? Kaname is an actual tiger and Zero is a six/seven year old human. Beware MAJOR OOC" I DON'T UNDERSTAND
AHAHAHAHA
Vampire Knight is weird enough already without making people tigers
please tell me that one at least isn't a romance
I sincerely hope not
I tried finding het fic and there was just a lot of really long unfinished fic with a lot of pining. And then at some point I somehow found myself reading fic where Cross and Yagari got married (?!) and then had to find a way to tell the children
which was weird, but I can just see Cross forgetting to tell Yuuki and Zero that he got married. "whoops, was that important" sort of thing
and then I saw fic where vampires go into heat every two years and then ruka's parents arranged her marriage to aidou, which was just bewildering
that does sound like something he would do! :T
Katou I have actually avoided bad VK fanfic the last few days. Be proud of me
Giving your brain time to recover?
mostly I've just been too busy
and I admit the idea of reading about Zero's hair having sentience of its own not currently that appealing
...
oh my
to be honest, it doesn't seem as weird as the fic where Yagari cried and hugged Yuuki
Yagari!!1 llol badfic
and he weepingly confessed his love to Cross, and then Zero had a telepathic link to Kaname that he used to suggest a threesome with Yuuki. who acted like a 12 year old. It was pretty amazing
and by amazing I mean brain-scaring
SUGGESTING A THREESOME
this fic is gold
It was like a slow motion trainwreck. With each sentence it got worse but I couldn't look away
But I find just reading the summaries for fic in the VK section at the pit of voles is a pretty special experience
I cannot get over how terrible Vampire Knight fanfiction is. It's not even excitingly terrible, it's bad in a dull way
and in every new thing I read there's a lot of crying and talking about feelings and sometimes Zero calling Kaien Daddy
I don't even TOUCH it.
wise choice
.....Does he call him daddy in the sexual sense or the platonic sense of the word?
and I don't get why someone would write about Yagari acting like a housewife, when Cross is right there!
...oh dear god I don't touch Kaien/Zero fic with a ten foot pole. I mean, I know it exists
OKAY GOOD
I can wipe that mental image from my mind
...even if it is sort of hilarious
I can't pair people with their father figures! Cannot do it! I can ship almost anything else but that's my limit
I have to admit that's the one thing that gets squicky to me too
.......................
...at least I'm not getting you pregnant? Apparently I leave that to Kaname and Yagari
................. no
I'm not ready to be a grandfather! sob
I did see a summary for Yagari/Yuuki once and I laughed because I think Cross would castrate Yagari with a rusty spoon if he actually showed that kind of interest in his little girl
... YES
oh fanfic. the idea that Yagari, the same guy who told children in his care to hunt their own food, would cook a nice meal and set his table with fancy silverware is freaking bizarre
I refuse to believe he would even own fancy silverware
......... maybe he carved it himself
LIKE A MAN
I could see that!
there you go
with his TEETH even
and just why, if a person is writing Cross/Yagari, is Yagari the one crying and talking about his feelings and making nice dinners and setting the table with fancy silverware
because fandom hates to follow canon
fandom is a big stupidhead
I want fighting and anger and grrr 8U
yes!
drama and action!
and porn! whenever I read het fic NOTHING HAPPENS AND NO SEX IS HAD WHAT IS THE POINT
hahahaha
I read twenty chapters of Kain/Ruka and nothing happened
...I keep trying to make a PWP pun but I just can't figure it out
oh wait I did read bat het porn once. It was this super long super terrible Zero/Yuuki where they said "menses" a lot and Aidou got Sayori pregnant
*bad, not bat
........did Zero give Yuuki oral while she was menstruating or something?
no, but I would read that
I would too, actually
she was like "you can't do that, Zero, I have my menses" and he was all "well if you have your menses I understand" and then Yori was all "my menses is late!!!" NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT
...okay yeah no what
it was pretty terrible
it was like 50 chapters long and I just couldn't stop reading
"When Toga Yagari goes to Cross Academy, he brings along his niece, Kassandra Blade. She trained alongside Zero,and was his best friend in the past. How will Zero react when she shows up? Will it be for the better or worse? -ZeroxOC-" omg hahaha yagari is always sprouting mary sue relatives
must be some kind of genetic defect
hahaha
someone should app Yagari because then me constantly finding fic summaries like this would only be funnier
. . . Kassandra Blade? really?
id make fun of it, but it sounds like something a certain guy in my class would come up with, and guess who's in charge of concept development for our major project
oh you're screwed
ayyyup
Kassandra Blade is nowhere near the worst Mary Sue name I've seen in Vampire Knight fandom, Sian
I can't remember what the name of the woman in the Kaien/sassy OC fic was but it was spectacular
i just don't know why it can't be spelled "Cassandra" ...
hahaha
because that's not special enough
I do data entry, people really do give their kids names like Cam'ron and Ashli and suchlike
JUST GIVE KIDS AND TERRIBLE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS NORMAL NAMES!!!
right the ridiculous Mary Sue from the other day was called "Amarante" and I was like really? really?
. . . amarante
i can only imagine she was a female version of amarant from ff9
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4685576/1/Amarante see for yourself... if you can force yourself through more than a paragraph
the reviews are all praising it for being a rare non-yaoi romance for Cross and it's like, uh, that's probably because the only woman he expresses that kind of interest in in canon was happily married before her tragically gross death.
. . . oh wow . . .
it's so terrible, isn't it
yeah i. my eyeeeeeessssss
I'm sorry. My fandom is kind of shit
that's not even near the worst fic I've read
omg Kurt the fic I'm reading is such a trainwreck. they are now taking time out because crouching hurt Yagari's inexplicably bodgy knee. because that's sexy apparently
...
...holy shit/
. . .
Wait, is this in the middle of sex, or--?
they haven't gotten to the sex yet!
this is terrible!
Yagari might be anemic. :(
then Cross should just fuck the anemia out of him. I don't care! no excuses!
Hahahahahahaha.
and now they're finally in bed but Yagari is consoling him while Cross mopes about Juri. Juri would want them to get to the sex already! or possibly give up and go home because clearly neither of them have any fucking clue
"his own finger still buried in Touga's intestines" okay this is the point I give up. Not even for the promise of really terrible porn will I read any more of that
. . . magic ping . . .
....I'm so sorry
* Je[zzz]e cracks up.
Omg intestines.
What is anatomy.
. . . although now I'm picturing Touga (whoever that is) eating a finger and being in the process of digesting it.
hahaha yuck
Better than the alternative.
some people really like a perforated intestine. it's hot
omg I found fic where yuuki is 7 months pregnant and nobody notices. and the author keeps using the wrong from of 'your'
...
and mixes 'assorted' and 'escorted' up
and for some reason yagari is drunk and at their breakfast table
I really do have a gift
and from the reviews it looks as if both kaname and zero are the father somehow magically
maybe yuuki has a magical uterus
no weirder than anything that happens in canon
omg heavily pregnant yuuki with a magical uterus I can handle but a yuuki that swears all the time is the absolute limit!
...
seven months pregnant, with twins, and nobody notices. hahaha
nobody in vampire knight is that stupid, come on
gosh how would you not notice that
it's not like she's amazonian either
she's a tiny japanese girl, the kids would be out to her knees
I know!
--I do kind of wish there was more fic where Yagari just randomly turned up drunk at their breakfast table, though.