Misplaced Memories - Chapter 9/10
Fragments of what must have been the past few days flickered around in his brain: fake Healer, tea, pain, thrashing, compressors that blocked magic... Suddenly, reason for the restraints surfaced, and his heart thundered while his mind caught up. He frantically looked around the room and laughed unexpectedly when his eyes landed on a mural of Unicorns playing in an orchard that displayed pink trees growing blue fruit. Whatever had happened while he was tossing around in his memories, he appeared to be safe now, unless St Mungo’s maternity wing had been transformed into an evil lair. It was the last place anyone would expect to find him - it had Draco written all over it.
~*~
Harry ached everywhere. It wasn’t a long jump to assume he was back in the real world. He forced his heavy eyelids open, fearing the next flashback and yet half-hoping to find himself having tea with Hermione and Ron or better yet, back flirting with Draco on their first date. He moved to wipe the sleep from his eyes and started to panic when he couldn’t. He rattled the restraints locking his arms in place. Nothing. He reached for his magic and the straps vanished. If there was ever a time to remember the hours of escape practice he had endured during Auror training…
Auror training. He remembered.
Fragments of what must have been the past few days flickered around in his brain: fake Healer, tea, pain, thrashing, compressors that blocked magic... Suddenly, reason for the restraints surfaced, and his heart thundered while his mind caught up. He frantically looked around the room and laughed unexpectedly when his eyes landed on a mural of Unicorns playing in an orchard that displayed pink trees growing blue fruit. Whatever had happened while he was tossing around in his memories, he appeared to be safe now, unless St Mungo’s maternity wing had been transformed into an evil lair. It was the last place anyone would expect to find him - it had Draco written all over it.
Draco.
As if he’d been summoned, Draco stepped inside, pointed his wand over his shoulder and locked the door behind him. Harry’s heart ached at Draco’s appearance. He looked liked he’d been through several wars without sleep, but the relief that transformed his face when their eyes met - Harry would keep that memory with him forever.
“I remember,” Harry blurted, and sat up too quickly. He winced, but Draco’s fingers were suddenly there, cool on his temples, soft along the skin under his eyes and so desperately welcome along his jaw, just holding - finally familiar. “I’m so sorry,” he blurted, relieved just to have Draco close again. “I was an absolute shit…” Draco pulled him in.
“Shush.”
And Harry did, returning the embrace with everything he had. He’d forgotten how good it felt, tucking his face into the space between Draco’s chin and shoulder, the scent of him, the way Draco’s hair seemed to be made only for Harry to run his fingers through. He absorbed the realness of Draco against him - bones, muscles, and skin - something the memories and dreams didn’t quite get right.
It seemed like such a gift to have it all again, and more so to actually know what was happening to him. The thought that it could have been lost forever made him shudder. Draco smoothed down the back of Harry’s hair briefly and slowly pulled out of the embrace. A million thoughts ran through Harry’s mind, but what came from his mouth was, “Hi.”
Draco’s laughter filled the room. He brushed a tear away. “Gods, do you know how good it is to see you?”
“Yes,” Harry choked out, cupping the back of Draco’s head and pulling him in for a kiss. “Yes. Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
“Here now,” Draco whispered, laying his fingers over Harry’s. “You’re still in recovery, but I think the worst is behind us.”
Harry sobered. “You put yourself through hell. Why didn’t you let Erastus take me from the beginning?”
“I wasn’t about to let you go through this alone. You would have done the same damn thing if it had been me, and you know it.” Draco said, wearing a look that challenged Harry to deny it.
Harry caved. “Yeah, I would have.”
“Now who’s daft?”
“The pair of us.”
Between tears and kisses, Draco filled in the blanks of the story from the red mask diversion to Blaise’s plan to sell Harry’s blood.
“Fucker,” Harry cursed. “Do you believe him - about my blood?”
“I hate to break it to you, but other than having a home within you, your blood is just as boring as everyone else’s. There are no variations and no special magical properties worth noting. You, good sir, are common - on a haematological level.”
“It could have still been used against me. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened. You’ve got it, though?” Draco pulled the vial from his pocket and handed it over.
“The trouble you caused,” Harry said to the bottle, rolling it between his fingers. Draco’s touch pulled his attention away.
“There are a few things you need to know.”
Harry knew that look. “Bad news, then?”
Draco smiled, but Harry could tell he was treading lightly. “Nothing we can’t handle.”
Harry decided to follow his instincts. “It’s about my job, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sacked?”
“Retired from active duty. I’m sorry.”
As much as he had feared the news, a part of him was slightly relieved. “I knew it was a possibility. Can’t very well be out in the field if another backlash comes along. Fuck. How’s Butler?”
Draco ran a hand through his hair. “He’s been my rock, actually - helped me keep my head through the worst of it, and let me take the lead with Blaise.”
“Good man. If my brain doesn’t snap to, remind me to thank him later.” He took a moment, afraid to ask the next question, but then went ahead anyway. “Does he have a new partner?”
Draco surprised him with a quick kiss, and flicked his wand at the door. “Ask him yourself, Potter.”
Butler strode in, grinning. “Official Auror business!”
It felt good to laugh. “You better have a pint hidden in those robes, Butler!” Harry teased as they clasped arms.
“Sorry, had to drink yours to keep up my strength.”
Draco pulled up a chair for him, and then moved toward the door. “I’ll be right back,” he said to Harry. “I need to check on Erastus and look into taking you home.”
There was an instant of panic, a part of Harry that wasn’t keen on watching Draco walk away. Something in his expression must have given him away, because Draco was suddenly there, pulling the chain out from under his shirt and reaching for Harry’s. When Draco’s ring finally hung back where it always had before, Draco closed Harry’s fingers around it.
“I’m right here.”
Harry nodded and started to breathe again. He felt foolish, having Butler there, watching his spool of control unravel as Draco walked away, but then he pushed the embarrassment aside. If anyone, Butler understood better than most would have.
He turned to his friend. “Thank you, for everything. Draco said that you…”
“Glad to do it. It felt good to lend the shoulder this time.”
Harry nodded. “So, who’s on your wish list for the next partner?”
”I’m transferring out of field duty, actually,” Butler said, scratching at his day old stubble. “Wanted you to be the first to know.”
“Are you sure?” Harry asked, sitting up straighter. “None of this was your fault. I’ll make a statement for…”
Butler waved him off and produced one of his trademark grins. “No doubt you would put on a good show, but no need.”
Harry chuckled at the performance. “What have you got?”
“Teaching the hatchlings, if you can believe it.”
“Auror trainees?” Harry asked. It was a good fit. Butler was patient, even-tempered and more than qualified. “I think you’ll be brilliant.”
Butler gave him a nod of thanks. “Palls and Gardner are moving abroad, so two vacancies came up. It’s supposed to be hush-hush, but word has it they’re holding the last post for you, if you want it.”
“Me?”
Butler stood and clapped him on the shoulder. “Just think on it, Harry. It would be brilliant to keep working together, but no worries if you go another path. It’s just good to see you alive and well.”
“Thank you.”
“And Floo me when that handsome Healer of yours clears you for the pub.”
Harry laughed and shook his hand. “I will do.”
~*~
Draco stood at the kitchen window and looked out toward Mrs Weasley’s favourite tree. Harry and Teddy sat beneath it, carrying on an animated conversation with the sun sinking behind them. Two silhouettes, unaware that night was creeping up. It was a shame that such a heartwarming scene stirred something uncomfortable within him. It wasn’t quite the burn of jealousy, maybe something closer to loneliness.
“Harry’s so good with him,” Hermione observed, slipping a cup of tea into Draco’s hand.
“Thank you,” Draco said, watching Harry drape an arm over Teddy’s shoulders. “I didn’t think this curse would have any benefits, but trust Harry to find the treasure under the pile of Troll droppings.”
“What do you mean?”
Draco gestured vaguely at the tree. “His relationship with Theodore. Before the accident, Harry was just his godfather, someone he’s grown to love, but an adult, like the rest of us. Now that Harry’s relived everything, it’s new again, fresh in his mind. Teddy’s seen himself in the twelve year-old orphan Harry was, and it’s connected them in a way no other adult could manage.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought.”
Too much. “It’s my job.”
“How is he, really?”
“The odd episode here and there, but his recovery has been better than expected, actually.”
“And you?”
It was the same question Draco kept asking himself. He was fine, they both were, but something was off. He just wished he knew whether it was temporary or not. He should have been thrilled to have Harry back, elated that they had this rare second chance, but Harry’s behaviour was decidedly different. He kept up a good game for the first while, but Draco knew him too well to believe that everything was back the way it had been. The only time Harry seemed to come alive was when Teddy came around. There were times when it felt almost like it had before, moments when Harry would reach out for Draco’s hand while he read the morning post, or smile at something Draco had said, but then it would be gone, snatched away by the sadness that always crept into his eyes before Draco could make the moment stay. It felt like getting to the top of a hill, only to find a string of larger mountains yet to be conquered.
“I have another two weeks of leave, and then it’s back to my little corner of Spell Damage.”
“That’s not what I meant, Draco.”
“I know.” His tea was already starting to cool, so he finished the cup before answering. Hermione, to her credit, stood beside him and lifted her own cup, giving him space. They had never spent a considerable amount of time alone together, but he was glad now for the company. She knew Harry in a way few others did, and was one of the first to give Draco a chance when he and Harry had decided to make a go of it.
He trusted her.
“His first Friday home, I was setting up for Muggle film night and he says he needs to go for a walk. Before I can join him, he’s gone, and I’m sitting there with the popcorn like an idiot. He didn’t come home until after midnight. Some part of me knew it was going to be an adjustment, but I didn’t want to believe it. I just wanted him back, and foolishly thought everything could go back to the way it was before.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“I’ve tried, but it makes him uncomfortable. Maybe it’ll change once we start sleeping again. We’re both battling nightmares, but they’ve been fewer lately. I can’t complain. It’s good to have him home. More than I can say for Severus.”
She nearly dropped her cup. “You brought him home with you? God, Draco!”
He tried to mask his smile, but Hermione’s look of shock made the corners of his mouth twitch. “I’ve been told by the hospital staff that he can be difficult when I’m not there.”
“I just hope he’s not in the bedroom!”
They shared a smile and a few more minutes of silence before Draco gave some more thought to his situation with Harry.
“Perhaps it’s cabin fever. Once I go back to work, we won’t be stepping over each other.” She nodded and passed him the last of the red onion tarts, but he declined.
“If either of you need a night away, you’re always welcome with us.”
He wanted to say more, to tell her how hard it was to wake up every morning with Harry on the far side of the bed, how mad he was at himself for feeling the victim, and how they hadn’t made love since Harry had been back, but all that he could manage was a strangled, “Thank you.”
She squeezed his arm, took his empty cup and left him to watch Harry and Teddy make their way back to the house in the growing darkness.
~*~
Harry ruffled Teddy’s hair, sent him off to entertain Rose and then went to join Draco in the kitchen. Pudding was long over, and yet the well-used table was still covered with tarts, pies and glazed fruit. Molly didn’t seem to believe anyone could truly be as full as they claimed.
Draco didn’t turn to greet him. It wasn’t odd behaviour, but Harry could sense something wasn’t right.
“What is it?” he asked, placing a hand at the crook of Draco’s elbow.
Draco continued staring into the darkness. “Harry, we need to talk.”
Harry had thought he’d been careful, thought that Draco wouldn’t confront him this soon, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. Draco could read Harry like a favourite book.
“All right, but not here.”
“Home?”
“No, I think we…” Harry didn’t think he could get out all that he needed say to Draco surrounded by all their shared memories: his old chair, their tea pot with the chip, their bed… He got an idea. “Can we get a room?”
Draco turned then, eyebrows raised. “A room?”
“A hotel - just to talk. I don’t want to be home or in public right now.”
“All right.” Draco nodded to the sitting room full of Weasleys. “Let’s say our goodbyes.”
~*~
Ever since he mentioned the room, Harry could sense Draco was predicting the worst. He’d been silent the entire trip there, running his hands over the legs of his trousers, pulling at his pockets, looking anywhere but at Harry. Now he sat in the too-clean suite, back straight and hands pressed to his knees, eyes on the floor.
Harry pulled his chair forward and gave Draco’s leg a squeeze. “Breathe, Draco. You aren’t on trial.” Draco looked up with hollow eyes, and Harry hated himself for putting that look on his face.
“You’re ending it,” Draco said, softly. “We’re done, aren’t we?”
“No,” Harry said, sounding confident, but Draco’s eyes slid away. He tried again. “Listen to me. I still love you. I don’t think that part could ever change for me.”
“Then what is it?”
Harry left his chair to kneel in front of Draco, one hand still resting on his knee. “I honestly don’t know.” He looked up. “Something’s shifted.”
Draco reached out and began running his fingers over Harry’s hair, smoothing, massaging, using the time to let them both think.
“You’re unhappy?”
“No. Yes…” He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the slide of fingers through his hair. “It’s hard to put in words.”
“Try. Take your time.”
Harry kept his eyes closed and tried to put his circling thoughts in order. He took a deep breath and decided to just let the words flow.
“In that last backlash, nearly everything came back, but all the memories of the attack, thinking I was Muggle again, everything that happened in hospital, I have all those experiences too. I didn’t even realise it at the time, but you and I had roles before, things we did that made our relationship the way it was. But then the attack happened.” Harry opened his eyes and looked up at Draco. “I was a boy again, and you were my Healer, my teacher, my protector. Now, I’m home, but I’m not sure what my role is anymore.”
“I understand.”
“There’s more. I keep thinking about what happened with you that day I lost control. What I did… I almost forced you - was going to force you if you hadn’t left. I didn’t think I’d ever go over the line like that, not with you.”
“You were…”
“It doesn’t matter. There’s no excuse for what I did. Nobody means more to me than you do, and I was going to throw that away for a fuck, Draco. And then I come home, things slip my mind and I can see your disappointment, feel you watching me like a Healer. What if I get worse again? How is that fair to you?”
Draco reached down and collected Harry’s hands in his. “For better or worse, Harry. With all that I’ve done in my life, trust me, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t forgive every time I had the chance. If you still want to try, I’m willing to walk through this together.”
“So am I, but honestly, I’m lost on how to do that,” Harry confessed, feeling the weight on his heart beginning to lift.
Draco guided Harry back into his chair. “Well, what if we started again?”
“What?”
Draco crossed his legs and settled back against his chair. “You’re right, things are different, so why don’t we discover who we are now? Take tea in the village, chat, go to the clubs and take off our clothes. Whatever we want to do,” he said, giving a vague wave of his hand. “The first time you asked me out, you said we should forget our Healer and Auror sides, and just be Harry and Draco. We could try that.”
“Start dating again?” Harry asked, liking the idea immediately.
“Why not? I’ve got time off.” He smiled at Harry, a spark of challenge behind his eyes. “Let’s make our own rules, Potter.”
The idea was so strange and perfect; he couldn’t help but share Draco’s sudden good humour. “I’d love to see you in a club again. Remember that time with the glitter?”
Draco made a face that pulled a laugh from Harry. “Ugh. I kept finding it for months.”
When the room was quiet again, Harry made his choice and stuck out his hand. “I think this could work.”
Draco accepted the handshake and stood, pulling Harry with him. “Join me for dinner?”
“Sure. Someplace new?”
They decided to get the most out of the room and rang down for room service. For once, Harry didn’t look at the prices and Draco didn’t complain about Harry ordering two slices of strawberry cheesecake. They stretched out on the large bed, watched bad telly and blamed each other for the strawberry stain on the crisp, white pillow.
Draco was somewhere between asleep and awake, propped up against the headboard with a round pillow stuffed under his back. Harry was beside him, enjoying the warmth, the familiarity and the newness of the whole situation. His fingers tightened around Draco’s, and Harry felt him jerk slightly.
“Did I fall asleep?”
“Not quite. Do you want to? They won’t kick us out until eleven tomorrow.”
“Aren’t you moving too fast for a first date?”
“Well, I did fall for a Slytherin. I think you must have skewed my morals.”
Draco winked. “Good show.”
Harry moved the last of the plates to safety and pulled Draco down onto the covers - clothes and all. They stayed that way, Harry on his back, and Draco resting against him, his head over Harry’s heart. A feeling of contentment grew as Harry rubbed slow circles onto the fabric of Draco’s shirt, feeling the heat of his skin reaching out to Harry’s fingertips.
~*~
Draco stared up at the giant glass roof, admiring the crisscross pattern of the metal supports. Even with scores of tourists and local patrons, the colossal size of the courtyard made everything else look miniature. He wandered over to where Harry was already thumbing through postcards, grinning like he’d found all of the ancient treasures himself.
“How have we never been here before?” Harry asked, handing over the official museum guide map.
Draco shrugged and paid for the cards Harry had claimed. “It never came up.”
Back in the Great Court, Harry read Draco’s thoughts. “What do you want to see first?”
Draco’s index finger landed on the map. “Number thirty-three,” he announced. “What have I found?”
Somehow, Harry managed to read the legend upside down. “The Rosetta Stone.”
“Wonderful. You choose next.”
He covered Harry’s eyes and flipped the map over. Harry missed the target twice, but on the third attempt made contact. “Here. What is it?”
Draco had to squint at the writing. “The Hoxne Hoard Pepper Pot.”
Harry chuckled. “Never heard of it.”
“Sounds delicious. Onward!”
~*~
Draco waved goodbye from his spot in the corner booth, and smiled as Harry received one last hug from Andromeda and a high-five from Teddy. He slid over to the window side when Harry wandered back to the table, smiling from ear to ear.
“He’s such a great kid.”
Draco nodded, loving the way Harry beamed with pride whenever his godson was mentioned. They had never talked about children; both their careers had been too demanding, but he had a feeling Harry would have been a wonderful father.
“Did he ask you about volunteering when he gets a bit older?”
“At the hospital?”
“Yes, with children, or wherever he’s needed. Since that visit he had with me, he’s been fascinated with learning everything he can about the departments, and the staff. I think you’ll have a future Healer on your heels in a few years.”
“With his type of magic, he would be an incredible asset, although he has a talent for acting before thinking. I wonder where he picked that up?”
Harry gave him a shrug and attempted to look innocent. “You sound like his mentor already.”
“And what about you, Auror Potter? Have you given any thought to the teaching offer on the table?”
“I want to take it; I think it’s an incredible opportunity, but I’m nervous to be honest,” he confessed, turning to watch the people shuffling past the café.
“Ease back in,” Draco offered. Start with half a day and go from there. If it’s not a good fit, we’ll make a new plan.”
When Harry didn’t answer, Draco said his name. He looked as if he’d been miles away, but he took Draco’s hand in his and gave a squeeze.
“I want to show you something.”
Harry touched his finger to his temple until a soft light appeared. He was almost finished extracting the memory by the time Draco realized what was happening.
“Here?”
“Yeah, it’ll work,” Harry assured him, placing the memory in his empty ice-cream bowl. “I tried it out in my tea this morning. It’s the memory of the first time I held Teddy.”
“Wandless, even! You have no idea what a freak you are, Potter.”
“You married me, so I can’t be all that freakish.”
“Every freak needs a handler,” he teased.
Without warning, Harry kissed him. It was over before anyone in the shop noticed, but Draco had a feeling it was more important than Harry was letting on.
“This is working, isn’t it?” Harry asked, smiling like he had the snitch hiding in his fist.
“What is?”
Harry gestured at small space that separated them. “This - you and me. We’re going to make it.”
Draco pretended to mull it over. When Harry raised his eyebrows, Draco kissed him back and relented. “I’d put money on it,” he said before pulling the memory bowl in front of him. “Now, is this that time he spit up on you? If so, I can live without seeing that close up.”
~*~
Chapter 10
Thank you so much for embracing this universe with me.
~*~
Harry ached everywhere. It wasn’t a long jump to assume he was back in the real world. He forced his heavy eyelids open, fearing the next flashback and yet half-hoping to find himself having tea with Hermione and Ron or better yet, back flirting with Draco on their first date. He moved to wipe the sleep from his eyes and started to panic when he couldn’t. He rattled the restraints locking his arms in place. Nothing. He reached for his magic and the straps vanished. If there was ever a time to remember the hours of escape practice he had endured during Auror training…
Auror training. He remembered.
Fragments of what must have been the past few days flickered around in his brain: fake Healer, tea, pain, thrashing, compressors that blocked magic... Suddenly, reason for the restraints surfaced, and his heart thundered while his mind caught up. He frantically looked around the room and laughed unexpectedly when his eyes landed on a mural of Unicorns playing in an orchard that displayed pink trees growing blue fruit. Whatever had happened while he was tossing around in his memories, he appeared to be safe now, unless St Mungo’s maternity wing had been transformed into an evil lair. It was the last place anyone would expect to find him - it had Draco written all over it.
Draco.
As if he’d been summoned, Draco stepped inside, pointed his wand over his shoulder and locked the door behind him. Harry’s heart ached at Draco’s appearance. He looked liked he’d been through several wars without sleep, but the relief that transformed his face when their eyes met - Harry would keep that memory with him forever.
“I remember,” Harry blurted, and sat up too quickly. He winced, but Draco’s fingers were suddenly there, cool on his temples, soft along the skin under his eyes and so desperately welcome along his jaw, just holding - finally familiar. “I’m so sorry,” he blurted, relieved just to have Draco close again. “I was an absolute shit…” Draco pulled him in.
“Shush.”
And Harry did, returning the embrace with everything he had. He’d forgotten how good it felt, tucking his face into the space between Draco’s chin and shoulder, the scent of him, the way Draco’s hair seemed to be made only for Harry to run his fingers through. He absorbed the realness of Draco against him - bones, muscles, and skin - something the memories and dreams didn’t quite get right.
It seemed like such a gift to have it all again, and more so to actually know what was happening to him. The thought that it could have been lost forever made him shudder. Draco smoothed down the back of Harry’s hair briefly and slowly pulled out of the embrace. A million thoughts ran through Harry’s mind, but what came from his mouth was, “Hi.”
Draco’s laughter filled the room. He brushed a tear away. “Gods, do you know how good it is to see you?”
“Yes,” Harry choked out, cupping the back of Draco’s head and pulling him in for a kiss. “Yes. Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
“Here now,” Draco whispered, laying his fingers over Harry’s. “You’re still in recovery, but I think the worst is behind us.”
Harry sobered. “You put yourself through hell. Why didn’t you let Erastus take me from the beginning?”
“I wasn’t about to let you go through this alone. You would have done the same damn thing if it had been me, and you know it.” Draco said, wearing a look that challenged Harry to deny it.
Harry caved. “Yeah, I would have.”
“Now who’s daft?”
“The pair of us.”
Between tears and kisses, Draco filled in the blanks of the story from the red mask diversion to Blaise’s plan to sell Harry’s blood.
“Fucker,” Harry cursed. “Do you believe him - about my blood?”
“I hate to break it to you, but other than having a home within you, your blood is just as boring as everyone else’s. There are no variations and no special magical properties worth noting. You, good sir, are common - on a haematological level.”
“It could have still been used against me. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened. You’ve got it, though?” Draco pulled the vial from his pocket and handed it over.
“The trouble you caused,” Harry said to the bottle, rolling it between his fingers. Draco’s touch pulled his attention away.
“There are a few things you need to know.”
Harry knew that look. “Bad news, then?”
Draco smiled, but Harry could tell he was treading lightly. “Nothing we can’t handle.”
Harry decided to follow his instincts. “It’s about my job, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sacked?”
“Retired from active duty. I’m sorry.”
As much as he had feared the news, a part of him was slightly relieved. “I knew it was a possibility. Can’t very well be out in the field if another backlash comes along. Fuck. How’s Butler?”
Draco ran a hand through his hair. “He’s been my rock, actually - helped me keep my head through the worst of it, and let me take the lead with Blaise.”
“Good man. If my brain doesn’t snap to, remind me to thank him later.” He took a moment, afraid to ask the next question, but then went ahead anyway. “Does he have a new partner?”
Draco surprised him with a quick kiss, and flicked his wand at the door. “Ask him yourself, Potter.”
Butler strode in, grinning. “Official Auror business!”
It felt good to laugh. “You better have a pint hidden in those robes, Butler!” Harry teased as they clasped arms.
“Sorry, had to drink yours to keep up my strength.”
Draco pulled up a chair for him, and then moved toward the door. “I’ll be right back,” he said to Harry. “I need to check on Erastus and look into taking you home.”
There was an instant of panic, a part of Harry that wasn’t keen on watching Draco walk away. Something in his expression must have given him away, because Draco was suddenly there, pulling the chain out from under his shirt and reaching for Harry’s. When Draco’s ring finally hung back where it always had before, Draco closed Harry’s fingers around it.
“I’m right here.”
Harry nodded and started to breathe again. He felt foolish, having Butler there, watching his spool of control unravel as Draco walked away, but then he pushed the embarrassment aside. If anyone, Butler understood better than most would have.
He turned to his friend. “Thank you, for everything. Draco said that you…”
“Glad to do it. It felt good to lend the shoulder this time.”
Harry nodded. “So, who’s on your wish list for the next partner?”
”I’m transferring out of field duty, actually,” Butler said, scratching at his day old stubble. “Wanted you to be the first to know.”
“Are you sure?” Harry asked, sitting up straighter. “None of this was your fault. I’ll make a statement for…”
Butler waved him off and produced one of his trademark grins. “No doubt you would put on a good show, but no need.”
Harry chuckled at the performance. “What have you got?”
“Teaching the hatchlings, if you can believe it.”
“Auror trainees?” Harry asked. It was a good fit. Butler was patient, even-tempered and more than qualified. “I think you’ll be brilliant.”
Butler gave him a nod of thanks. “Palls and Gardner are moving abroad, so two vacancies came up. It’s supposed to be hush-hush, but word has it they’re holding the last post for you, if you want it.”
“Me?”
Butler stood and clapped him on the shoulder. “Just think on it, Harry. It would be brilliant to keep working together, but no worries if you go another path. It’s just good to see you alive and well.”
“Thank you.”
“And Floo me when that handsome Healer of yours clears you for the pub.”
Harry laughed and shook his hand. “I will do.”
~*~
Draco stood at the kitchen window and looked out toward Mrs Weasley’s favourite tree. Harry and Teddy sat beneath it, carrying on an animated conversation with the sun sinking behind them. Two silhouettes, unaware that night was creeping up. It was a shame that such a heartwarming scene stirred something uncomfortable within him. It wasn’t quite the burn of jealousy, maybe something closer to loneliness.
“Harry’s so good with him,” Hermione observed, slipping a cup of tea into Draco’s hand.
“Thank you,” Draco said, watching Harry drape an arm over Teddy’s shoulders. “I didn’t think this curse would have any benefits, but trust Harry to find the treasure under the pile of Troll droppings.”
“What do you mean?”
Draco gestured vaguely at the tree. “His relationship with Theodore. Before the accident, Harry was just his godfather, someone he’s grown to love, but an adult, like the rest of us. Now that Harry’s relived everything, it’s new again, fresh in his mind. Teddy’s seen himself in the twelve year-old orphan Harry was, and it’s connected them in a way no other adult could manage.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought.”
Too much. “It’s my job.”
“How is he, really?”
“The odd episode here and there, but his recovery has been better than expected, actually.”
“And you?”
It was the same question Draco kept asking himself. He was fine, they both were, but something was off. He just wished he knew whether it was temporary or not. He should have been thrilled to have Harry back, elated that they had this rare second chance, but Harry’s behaviour was decidedly different. He kept up a good game for the first while, but Draco knew him too well to believe that everything was back the way it had been. The only time Harry seemed to come alive was when Teddy came around. There were times when it felt almost like it had before, moments when Harry would reach out for Draco’s hand while he read the morning post, or smile at something Draco had said, but then it would be gone, snatched away by the sadness that always crept into his eyes before Draco could make the moment stay. It felt like getting to the top of a hill, only to find a string of larger mountains yet to be conquered.
“I have another two weeks of leave, and then it’s back to my little corner of Spell Damage.”
“That’s not what I meant, Draco.”
“I know.” His tea was already starting to cool, so he finished the cup before answering. Hermione, to her credit, stood beside him and lifted her own cup, giving him space. They had never spent a considerable amount of time alone together, but he was glad now for the company. She knew Harry in a way few others did, and was one of the first to give Draco a chance when he and Harry had decided to make a go of it.
He trusted her.
“His first Friday home, I was setting up for Muggle film night and he says he needs to go for a walk. Before I can join him, he’s gone, and I’m sitting there with the popcorn like an idiot. He didn’t come home until after midnight. Some part of me knew it was going to be an adjustment, but I didn’t want to believe it. I just wanted him back, and foolishly thought everything could go back to the way it was before.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“I’ve tried, but it makes him uncomfortable. Maybe it’ll change once we start sleeping again. We’re both battling nightmares, but they’ve been fewer lately. I can’t complain. It’s good to have him home. More than I can say for Severus.”
She nearly dropped her cup. “You brought him home with you? God, Draco!”
He tried to mask his smile, but Hermione’s look of shock made the corners of his mouth twitch. “I’ve been told by the hospital staff that he can be difficult when I’m not there.”
“I just hope he’s not in the bedroom!”
They shared a smile and a few more minutes of silence before Draco gave some more thought to his situation with Harry.
“Perhaps it’s cabin fever. Once I go back to work, we won’t be stepping over each other.” She nodded and passed him the last of the red onion tarts, but he declined.
“If either of you need a night away, you’re always welcome with us.”
He wanted to say more, to tell her how hard it was to wake up every morning with Harry on the far side of the bed, how mad he was at himself for feeling the victim, and how they hadn’t made love since Harry had been back, but all that he could manage was a strangled, “Thank you.”
She squeezed his arm, took his empty cup and left him to watch Harry and Teddy make their way back to the house in the growing darkness.
~*~
Harry ruffled Teddy’s hair, sent him off to entertain Rose and then went to join Draco in the kitchen. Pudding was long over, and yet the well-used table was still covered with tarts, pies and glazed fruit. Molly didn’t seem to believe anyone could truly be as full as they claimed.
Draco didn’t turn to greet him. It wasn’t odd behaviour, but Harry could sense something wasn’t right.
“What is it?” he asked, placing a hand at the crook of Draco’s elbow.
Draco continued staring into the darkness. “Harry, we need to talk.”
Harry had thought he’d been careful, thought that Draco wouldn’t confront him this soon, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. Draco could read Harry like a favourite book.
“All right, but not here.”
“Home?”
“No, I think we…” Harry didn’t think he could get out all that he needed say to Draco surrounded by all their shared memories: his old chair, their tea pot with the chip, their bed… He got an idea. “Can we get a room?”
Draco turned then, eyebrows raised. “A room?”
“A hotel - just to talk. I don’t want to be home or in public right now.”
“All right.” Draco nodded to the sitting room full of Weasleys. “Let’s say our goodbyes.”
~*~
Ever since he mentioned the room, Harry could sense Draco was predicting the worst. He’d been silent the entire trip there, running his hands over the legs of his trousers, pulling at his pockets, looking anywhere but at Harry. Now he sat in the too-clean suite, back straight and hands pressed to his knees, eyes on the floor.
Harry pulled his chair forward and gave Draco’s leg a squeeze. “Breathe, Draco. You aren’t on trial.” Draco looked up with hollow eyes, and Harry hated himself for putting that look on his face.
“You’re ending it,” Draco said, softly. “We’re done, aren’t we?”
“No,” Harry said, sounding confident, but Draco’s eyes slid away. He tried again. “Listen to me. I still love you. I don’t think that part could ever change for me.”
“Then what is it?”
Harry left his chair to kneel in front of Draco, one hand still resting on his knee. “I honestly don’t know.” He looked up. “Something’s shifted.”
Draco reached out and began running his fingers over Harry’s hair, smoothing, massaging, using the time to let them both think.
“You’re unhappy?”
“No. Yes…” He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the slide of fingers through his hair. “It’s hard to put in words.”
“Try. Take your time.”
Harry kept his eyes closed and tried to put his circling thoughts in order. He took a deep breath and decided to just let the words flow.
“In that last backlash, nearly everything came back, but all the memories of the attack, thinking I was Muggle again, everything that happened in hospital, I have all those experiences too. I didn’t even realise it at the time, but you and I had roles before, things we did that made our relationship the way it was. But then the attack happened.” Harry opened his eyes and looked up at Draco. “I was a boy again, and you were my Healer, my teacher, my protector. Now, I’m home, but I’m not sure what my role is anymore.”
“I understand.”
“There’s more. I keep thinking about what happened with you that day I lost control. What I did… I almost forced you - was going to force you if you hadn’t left. I didn’t think I’d ever go over the line like that, not with you.”
“You were…”
“It doesn’t matter. There’s no excuse for what I did. Nobody means more to me than you do, and I was going to throw that away for a fuck, Draco. And then I come home, things slip my mind and I can see your disappointment, feel you watching me like a Healer. What if I get worse again? How is that fair to you?”
Draco reached down and collected Harry’s hands in his. “For better or worse, Harry. With all that I’ve done in my life, trust me, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t forgive every time I had the chance. If you still want to try, I’m willing to walk through this together.”
“So am I, but honestly, I’m lost on how to do that,” Harry confessed, feeling the weight on his heart beginning to lift.
Draco guided Harry back into his chair. “Well, what if we started again?”
“What?”
Draco crossed his legs and settled back against his chair. “You’re right, things are different, so why don’t we discover who we are now? Take tea in the village, chat, go to the clubs and take off our clothes. Whatever we want to do,” he said, giving a vague wave of his hand. “The first time you asked me out, you said we should forget our Healer and Auror sides, and just be Harry and Draco. We could try that.”
“Start dating again?” Harry asked, liking the idea immediately.
“Why not? I’ve got time off.” He smiled at Harry, a spark of challenge behind his eyes. “Let’s make our own rules, Potter.”
The idea was so strange and perfect; he couldn’t help but share Draco’s sudden good humour. “I’d love to see you in a club again. Remember that time with the glitter?”
Draco made a face that pulled a laugh from Harry. “Ugh. I kept finding it for months.”
When the room was quiet again, Harry made his choice and stuck out his hand. “I think this could work.”
Draco accepted the handshake and stood, pulling Harry with him. “Join me for dinner?”
“Sure. Someplace new?”
They decided to get the most out of the room and rang down for room service. For once, Harry didn’t look at the prices and Draco didn’t complain about Harry ordering two slices of strawberry cheesecake. They stretched out on the large bed, watched bad telly and blamed each other for the strawberry stain on the crisp, white pillow.
Draco was somewhere between asleep and awake, propped up against the headboard with a round pillow stuffed under his back. Harry was beside him, enjoying the warmth, the familiarity and the newness of the whole situation. His fingers tightened around Draco’s, and Harry felt him jerk slightly.
“Did I fall asleep?”
“Not quite. Do you want to? They won’t kick us out until eleven tomorrow.”
“Aren’t you moving too fast for a first date?”
“Well, I did fall for a Slytherin. I think you must have skewed my morals.”
Draco winked. “Good show.”
Harry moved the last of the plates to safety and pulled Draco down onto the covers - clothes and all. They stayed that way, Harry on his back, and Draco resting against him, his head over Harry’s heart. A feeling of contentment grew as Harry rubbed slow circles onto the fabric of Draco’s shirt, feeling the heat of his skin reaching out to Harry’s fingertips.
~*~
Draco stared up at the giant glass roof, admiring the crisscross pattern of the metal supports. Even with scores of tourists and local patrons, the colossal size of the courtyard made everything else look miniature. He wandered over to where Harry was already thumbing through postcards, grinning like he’d found all of the ancient treasures himself.
“How have we never been here before?” Harry asked, handing over the official museum guide map.
Draco shrugged and paid for the cards Harry had claimed. “It never came up.”
Back in the Great Court, Harry read Draco’s thoughts. “What do you want to see first?”
Draco’s index finger landed on the map. “Number thirty-three,” he announced. “What have I found?”
Somehow, Harry managed to read the legend upside down. “The Rosetta Stone.”
“Wonderful. You choose next.”
He covered Harry’s eyes and flipped the map over. Harry missed the target twice, but on the third attempt made contact. “Here. What is it?”
Draco had to squint at the writing. “The Hoxne Hoard Pepper Pot.”
Harry chuckled. “Never heard of it.”
“Sounds delicious. Onward!”
~*~
Draco waved goodbye from his spot in the corner booth, and smiled as Harry received one last hug from Andromeda and a high-five from Teddy. He slid over to the window side when Harry wandered back to the table, smiling from ear to ear.
“He’s such a great kid.”
Draco nodded, loving the way Harry beamed with pride whenever his godson was mentioned. They had never talked about children; both their careers had been too demanding, but he had a feeling Harry would have been a wonderful father.
“Did he ask you about volunteering when he gets a bit older?”
“At the hospital?”
“Yes, with children, or wherever he’s needed. Since that visit he had with me, he’s been fascinated with learning everything he can about the departments, and the staff. I think you’ll have a future Healer on your heels in a few years.”
“With his type of magic, he would be an incredible asset, although he has a talent for acting before thinking. I wonder where he picked that up?”
Harry gave him a shrug and attempted to look innocent. “You sound like his mentor already.”
“And what about you, Auror Potter? Have you given any thought to the teaching offer on the table?”
“I want to take it; I think it’s an incredible opportunity, but I’m nervous to be honest,” he confessed, turning to watch the people shuffling past the café.
“Ease back in,” Draco offered. Start with half a day and go from there. If it’s not a good fit, we’ll make a new plan.”
When Harry didn’t answer, Draco said his name. He looked as if he’d been miles away, but he took Draco’s hand in his and gave a squeeze.
“I want to show you something.”
Harry touched his finger to his temple until a soft light appeared. He was almost finished extracting the memory by the time Draco realized what was happening.
“Here?”
“Yeah, it’ll work,” Harry assured him, placing the memory in his empty ice-cream bowl. “I tried it out in my tea this morning. It’s the memory of the first time I held Teddy.”
“Wandless, even! You have no idea what a freak you are, Potter.”
“You married me, so I can’t be all that freakish.”
“Every freak needs a handler,” he teased.
Without warning, Harry kissed him. It was over before anyone in the shop noticed, but Draco had a feeling it was more important than Harry was letting on.
“This is working, isn’t it?” Harry asked, smiling like he had the snitch hiding in his fist.
“What is?”
Harry gestured at small space that separated them. “This - you and me. We’re going to make it.”
Draco pretended to mull it over. When Harry raised his eyebrows, Draco kissed him back and relented. “I’d put money on it,” he said before pulling the memory bowl in front of him. “Now, is this that time he spit up on you? If so, I can live without seeing that close up.”
~*~
Chapter 10
Thank you so much for embracing this universe with me.