(no subject)
I fail at life. I find myself at 22 almost ready to graduate from college and I find nothing that I can be proud of. Sure people can go on telling me hey you graduated high school, you survived death blah blah blah and consider those accomplishments but in truth I don't find that to be something to be proud of. I find it to be a means of survival. I can't go on living in NOVA and not graduate from H.S. Its really not possible. Even people in retail have college degrees now and days.
I have no real awards. I have no real academic success and I can firmly say that I have not done anything meaningful in this world. Maybe its just the stress of the reality of the real world that is rapidly approaching me but I can't help but to be more depressed than excited about graduation. Of course I am excited about getting out of this shit hole but I am depressed in the sense of my life rapidly taking a downward spiral after leaving the safe haven of classrooms and hotel looking dorm rooms.
Sometimes I wish I was a freshman again. I'd do most of my college experience over again.
I sit here pondering what I have done with my life and what I am going to do with my life. I really should be working on a paper but clearly can't with my lack of mental stability at the current moment. I don't want to talk to anyone about it so I blog about it. I actually hate sharing my feelings. I am a person that relies heavily on being independent and not including people in how I feel except sometimes with Micah but that's if he has done something stupid to make me upset.
For now all I can do it go a long with life and watch it pass before my eyes. I have a lot of shit to do before the end of the semester and my stress level is only going to go up. I would really love to be able to say at the end of my life that I didn't regret anything. So now I am debating on how I should go about doing that. So basically life sucks at this second in time I am spending too much time alone with my thoughts. Silence is a comforter but it can also be dangerous. I wish I could fast forward time and make it May. My life will be better after this semester I think. So now all I can do is do my best til than and deal.
Hope you all are having a better life.
Peeze
I have no real awards. I have no real academic success and I can firmly say that I have not done anything meaningful in this world. Maybe its just the stress of the reality of the real world that is rapidly approaching me but I can't help but to be more depressed than excited about graduation. Of course I am excited about getting out of this shit hole but I am depressed in the sense of my life rapidly taking a downward spiral after leaving the safe haven of classrooms and hotel looking dorm rooms.
Sometimes I wish I was a freshman again. I'd do most of my college experience over again.
I sit here pondering what I have done with my life and what I am going to do with my life. I really should be working on a paper but clearly can't with my lack of mental stability at the current moment. I don't want to talk to anyone about it so I blog about it. I actually hate sharing my feelings. I am a person that relies heavily on being independent and not including people in how I feel except sometimes with Micah but that's if he has done something stupid to make me upset.
For now all I can do it go a long with life and watch it pass before my eyes. I have a lot of shit to do before the end of the semester and my stress level is only going to go up. I would really love to be able to say at the end of my life that I didn't regret anything. So now I am debating on how I should go about doing that. So basically life sucks at this second in time I am spending too much time alone with my thoughts. Silence is a comforter but it can also be dangerous. I wish I could fast forward time and make it May. My life will be better after this semester I think. So now all I can do is do my best til than and deal.
Hope you all are having a better life.
Peeze