Glutton for Punishment
That's what I am. I don't know how many people read this anymore, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe with however I post this.
I must be some kind of stupid. Conner's moving to NC...well, has moved to NC. To this little town outside of Cary whose name escapes me. He's close to Elisa! O_O I think.
I encouraged him to do that, since his father basically said if he came up here, he'd cut him off, completely. But, if he went down there, he'd get a car, and support for college and...yeah. So, it was pretty obvious that he doesn't want him coming up here. I won't ruin another guy's life by having him come here prematurely. This one, unlike the first one, doesn't deserve it.
I went and did something stupid. Looked at the girl's facebook. Wasn't too hard to look up her name. *laughs a lil* Of course, if I wasn't self-conscious enough just being a day shy of 12 years his senior. She sorta reminds me of Allayne, except she doesn't have the booty. She's skinny as hell, kinda petite in the chest, narrow in the hips...so...not me. She's pretty, too. I mean, I know guys have "types." I fit one of those "types." And...it just doesn't seem to be what his "type" was. When we talked about chest size, he said like..."No, just no." to mine. I was more than a little offended. I get that some guys prefer smaller, but that doesn't mean that he needs to act like they're so disagreeable. Keep that crap to yourself. *frowns* He later corrected himself, and tried to tell me that he said that only because he assumed that going in the middle would appeal to me more...because he assumed that I was about average or smaller. - .- Yeah...girls on the Internet are usually (at least in the chat rooms I frequent) at one extreme or the other. Given that his father has a preference for smaller chests, it inclined me to believe that he also had that preference, but just changed his mind for me.
I'm...not...petite. I have this horrible, stretch-marked area of skin where my stomach ballooned out when I was pregnant. It's all loose and stuff. It's one of my biggest areas of worry and hate... I know he'd prefer if I lost weight...he won't say it, but I know it's true. *bites my lip* He won't say it, but he will say if I want to lose weight to be more attractive for myself, and him, he's all for it.
Had a lovely conversation with his father last night. He seemed to act like I was this big distraction for him. I've made enough mistakes in my life to try to curb them off for him. I told him to take the easier path. If he came up here, and was cut off, he'd have no support from his family, no safety net.
He's a wonderful guy. I just don't know if I can handle it. His father and HIS new girlfriend basically implied that I am a worse mother than Conner's. That had me LIVID. That woman liked the IDEA of having a family. She didn't want to actually pay her kids any attention. I spend time with mine. I talk to them, I go to them when they're crying, and when they're hurt, I'm right there like a mama bear ready to maim...unless they're fighting with each other. Then I just say "game on" unless they actually seriously hurt each other. Fighting is something that happens in siblings! I went off on the father. I can understand his concern that Conner will just end up throwing his future away if he takes on too many responsibilities. But, I won't let that happen.
I'm skipping around...this started off as...yeah. He says that the girls he's been with haven't necessarily been standardly "attractive." Pfft. If his ex is any indication...he needs glasses.
I'm gonna go crawl in a hole and die now.
A high note...the sun is shining.
I must be some kind of stupid. Conner's moving to NC...well, has moved to NC. To this little town outside of Cary whose name escapes me. He's close to Elisa! O_O I think.
I encouraged him to do that, since his father basically said if he came up here, he'd cut him off, completely. But, if he went down there, he'd get a car, and support for college and...yeah. So, it was pretty obvious that he doesn't want him coming up here. I won't ruin another guy's life by having him come here prematurely. This one, unlike the first one, doesn't deserve it.
I went and did something stupid. Looked at the girl's facebook. Wasn't too hard to look up her name. *laughs a lil* Of course, if I wasn't self-conscious enough just being a day shy of 12 years his senior. She sorta reminds me of Allayne, except she doesn't have the booty. She's skinny as hell, kinda petite in the chest, narrow in the hips...so...not me. She's pretty, too. I mean, I know guys have "types." I fit one of those "types." And...it just doesn't seem to be what his "type" was. When we talked about chest size, he said like..."No, just no." to mine. I was more than a little offended. I get that some guys prefer smaller, but that doesn't mean that he needs to act like they're so disagreeable. Keep that crap to yourself. *frowns* He later corrected himself, and tried to tell me that he said that only because he assumed that going in the middle would appeal to me more...because he assumed that I was about average or smaller. - .- Yeah...girls on the Internet are usually (at least in the chat rooms I frequent) at one extreme or the other. Given that his father has a preference for smaller chests, it inclined me to believe that he also had that preference, but just changed his mind for me.
I'm...not...petite. I have this horrible, stretch-marked area of skin where my stomach ballooned out when I was pregnant. It's all loose and stuff. It's one of my biggest areas of worry and hate... I know he'd prefer if I lost weight...he won't say it, but I know it's true. *bites my lip* He won't say it, but he will say if I want to lose weight to be more attractive for myself, and him, he's all for it.
Had a lovely conversation with his father last night. He seemed to act like I was this big distraction for him. I've made enough mistakes in my life to try to curb them off for him. I told him to take the easier path. If he came up here, and was cut off, he'd have no support from his family, no safety net.
He's a wonderful guy. I just don't know if I can handle it. His father and HIS new girlfriend basically implied that I am a worse mother than Conner's. That had me LIVID. That woman liked the IDEA of having a family. She didn't want to actually pay her kids any attention. I spend time with mine. I talk to them, I go to them when they're crying, and when they're hurt, I'm right there like a mama bear ready to maim...unless they're fighting with each other. Then I just say "game on" unless they actually seriously hurt each other. Fighting is something that happens in siblings! I went off on the father. I can understand his concern that Conner will just end up throwing his future away if he takes on too many responsibilities. But, I won't let that happen.
I'm skipping around...this started off as...yeah. He says that the girls he's been with haven't necessarily been standardly "attractive." Pfft. If his ex is any indication...he needs glasses.
I'm gonna go crawl in a hole and die now.
A high note...the sun is shining.