Blah, woe is me. *gag* Bye-bye people! Let me know if you wanna stay!
I may not admit to it often, but I don't think it really needs to be said. I am envious of my brother. Who knows, maybe I'll just erase this. His time is a precious bartering tool, apparently. Thanks to meteing out time with him, he's getting the computer fixed, possibly my mother's laptop, etc. It's just a big reminder of exactly how worthless my time and company is. They joke about it, but much like my fathers "harmless" jabs, it's just another piece of the pile I feel I need to dig myself out of before I feel like a worthwhile human being. I don't bring anything constructive to the house/table, and without a decent job to define myself by, I have no definition. I know that if my brother were to be kicked out, he'd be taken care of. Would that help shake him out of his complacency? No. He was made to be coddled, I was made to work. I don't know what to say, I just wish I lived near some friends. I keep withdrawing, and even when I've been trying to socialize, I push people away. I don't know what to do. I can't wait to have a real, decent job. At this point, I'm considering stripping...just need to slim up.
I'm going to delete most of my friends list. If you want to stay, tell me. Elisa, you don't have to worry, been my friend for damn near 20 years. Birdy, you're a given, too.
Enough on that, the reason for this purge is a loneliness. Conradictory, huh? You can feel lonely in a crowd, it's easy if they're strangers. I'm sick of feeling lonely.
I'm going to delete most of my friends list. If you want to stay, tell me. Elisa, you don't have to worry, been my friend for damn near 20 years. Birdy, you're a given, too.
Enough on that, the reason for this purge is a loneliness. Conradictory, huh? You can feel lonely in a crowd, it's easy if they're strangers. I'm sick of feeling lonely.