my day....
....good at points.namely doing an ink drawing in class[i got onto t'foundation course for anyone that didnt know]that i would normally look at in a gallery and think 'how the fuck did they do that?how could they be so patient as to sit there for hours doing that?'-it was shaded with dotssss.hundreds,and thousands,of dots.also good,was seeing lightspeed champion at t'100 club with mr Jake and Will.made me very happy.ALSO-i enrolled[finally]onto my foundation,and got my london met student card!!
however....i fainted on the tube journey home after getting said student card.according to Clare,a blonde haired australian who was INCREDIBLY nice,i was out for about 10 seconds.she took me off the train,whilst still dazed,and sat with me on kennington tube platform as i tried to calm myself down.i was shaking like the wings of a hummingbird.all i know is that i was reading a paper and started feeling incredibly naucious,so stopped reading.then my eyes started to flood with white dots.as i've fainted once before i was like 'shit nooo',i could feel my conciousness draining from my,so i closed my eyes to try and stop it,thinking 'i should get my water cos i'm going to....'then i woke up,and everything was white but colours started to seep into my vision in pastel shades until they were more defined,but i couldn't hear a thing.i felt like i'd been punched,knocked out,like my face was drooping,lips swollen and saggy from my relaxed jaw.then i started to hear people talking,and felt hands pushing,supporting,positioning....the chair underneath me.i heard people asking 'has she fainted','is she ok' then a blond woman nelt infront of me and lookeed wide eyed into what must have been my dazed facade and said 'do you want to get off of the train',to which i replied,bemused,as i didnt will the words,'ok' and she dragged me off.she told me how they were shouting around the carriage to get me water but couldnt find any.she asked where i'd been all day,and insisted we sat until i was stable and had stopped shaking so badly until we got on the next train.then after i got off of the train we eventually borded,she said 'good luck with your course,and be careful getting home'.some people are just amazing.i haven't felt right since.tomric says i look afwul and 'weird'.i probably shouldnt have gone out,but i needed to.felt goowd to see people again.i felt like i havent seen jake in ages and i do miss him.[yea,hair baaaall]i dont feel like i'm fully there.and the tube journey to meet jake,i felt myself hesitate before getting on.meh.and the bus back i just felt really ill and every time the bus lurched i felt my inards go in the opposite direction.
iceing on the cake people....as he is working tomorrow-tonight shall be the first in idontknowhowmanymonths i wont see aidan.because of this,i feel fucking miserable.i really need a hug after my day,not just any hug[like when i thought will was trying to attack me earlier,or t'goodbye one from jake]but an aidan hug.guess it's time to try and sleep.but ive been having trouble with that recently again,so fuck knows how i'll feel tomorrow.
g'nite
maya xx
however....i fainted on the tube journey home after getting said student card.according to Clare,a blonde haired australian who was INCREDIBLY nice,i was out for about 10 seconds.she took me off the train,whilst still dazed,and sat with me on kennington tube platform as i tried to calm myself down.i was shaking like the wings of a hummingbird.all i know is that i was reading a paper and started feeling incredibly naucious,so stopped reading.then my eyes started to flood with white dots.as i've fainted once before i was like 'shit nooo',i could feel my conciousness draining from my,so i closed my eyes to try and stop it,thinking 'i should get my water cos i'm going to....'then i woke up,and everything was white but colours started to seep into my vision in pastel shades until they were more defined,but i couldn't hear a thing.i felt like i'd been punched,knocked out,like my face was drooping,lips swollen and saggy from my relaxed jaw.then i started to hear people talking,and felt hands pushing,supporting,positioning....the chair underneath me.i heard people asking 'has she fainted','is she ok' then a blond woman nelt infront of me and lookeed wide eyed into what must have been my dazed facade and said 'do you want to get off of the train',to which i replied,bemused,as i didnt will the words,'ok' and she dragged me off.she told me how they were shouting around the carriage to get me water but couldnt find any.she asked where i'd been all day,and insisted we sat until i was stable and had stopped shaking so badly until we got on the next train.then after i got off of the train we eventually borded,she said 'good luck with your course,and be careful getting home'.some people are just amazing.i haven't felt right since.tomric says i look afwul and 'weird'.i probably shouldnt have gone out,but i needed to.felt goowd to see people again.i felt like i havent seen jake in ages and i do miss him.[yea,hair baaaall]i dont feel like i'm fully there.and the tube journey to meet jake,i felt myself hesitate before getting on.meh.and the bus back i just felt really ill and every time the bus lurched i felt my inards go in the opposite direction.
iceing on the cake people....as he is working tomorrow-tonight shall be the first in idontknowhowmanymonths i wont see aidan.because of this,i feel fucking miserable.i really need a hug after my day,not just any hug[like when i thought will was trying to attack me earlier,or t'goodbye one from jake]but an aidan hug.guess it's time to try and sleep.but ive been having trouble with that recently again,so fuck knows how i'll feel tomorrow.
g'nite
maya xx