I just related to so much of that. You don't even know.
I wish I could say more but I don't know what to say right now. All I've been doing lately is sleeping and crying when I can't distract myself. There's so much I'm not allowed to talk about either, and my brain is swelling up and it feels like it's going to explode. I feel like LJ is the only outlet I have right now, but then again now I everyone knows me on here too, and I feel so censored.
You know what, fuck Canada, FUCK CANADA Come back. ):
That's exactly it - I can't post a lot of things because of my friends... and yet I want them to also see what I have to say and understand me. It's dumb.
I might come back soonish.. but at the same time, I'm scared to... and I'm really scared to tell my parents.. they're so OLD and my mom's so old fasioned and homophobic.. :\
I know what you mean. There's a lot of things I just want to say and I want my friends to know what I;m thinking and I want us to connect. But. I can't. ):
Comebackcomebackcomeback!
I know it might be scary and I don't know your parents at all. But you don't KNOW how they're going to react. When you used to identify as lesbian, did they know about that? I told my parents, and my dad still hasn't come to terms with it. My mom has come a long way. And a few weeks ago I just started telling extended family. It's tough, but I feel more honest about myself, and better that there's not this huge sack of unsaid things waiting to explode over my head.
Well, my parents never knew I was identifying as a lesbian, but the comments my mom made about any of my friends that might have seemed gay were enough to really freak out and upset me.. If I defended them, she accused me of being gay and more or less threatened to kick me out of the house. Yeah, I can understand that. I'm glad your family has taken it moderately well.. I don't know if mine can.. :\
Aww. I can relate a lot to some of that too. My best friend had a big crush on me in high school. This one time she was over at my house and my back was sore from stress and I asked her if she could give me a back massage. So I took off my shirt. My dad came in and was like WTF WTF GAY WTF and hated her ever since that day because he thought she was... trying to turn me into a lesbian or something? I don't know. But if he thought any of my friends were lesbians he would immediately hate them and say all these awful things about them to me. My best friend couldn't even come near my house and I couldn't say when I was going over there. I STILL can't because he'll complain that he doesn't want my car there. :/ Yes. Because she will obviously use her evil lesbian witchcraft to turn my car into a lesbian. Or 5 lesbians. And then we'll all have an orgy
( ... )
Yeah, that sounds like my mom.. lol everytime I had a girl over, I had to make sure my bedroom door was open or she'd come upstairs and come busting in every 5 minutes.. No knocking, just tearing my door down.. and it was funny cos she never had a plan about what she was going to say, she'd just come in and stare at me in a "Uh... I don't remember why I came up here" kinda way.
That scares me too.. my dad pays my rent and tuition.. if he got really mad at me he could just stop paying and then I'd be FUCKED. So fucked it's not even funny. Trapped in Canada.. Dun dun dunnnnnn!
I don't mind hearing about your crazy dad.. like I said, he sounds just like my mom.. my dad's not so bad about it.. he laughs at stuff a lot.. and just kind of ignores a lot of things.
I wish I could say more but I don't know what to say right now. All I've been doing lately is sleeping and crying when I can't distract myself. There's so much I'm not allowed to talk about either, and my brain is swelling up and it feels like it's going to explode. I feel like LJ is the only outlet I have right now, but then again now I everyone knows me on here too, and I feel so censored.
You know what, fuck Canada, FUCK CANADA
Come back. ):
You should tell your family sometime, too.
Reply
I might come back soonish.. but at the same time, I'm scared to... and I'm really scared to tell my parents.. they're so OLD and my mom's so old fasioned and homophobic.. :\
Reply
Comebackcomebackcomeback!
I know it might be scary and I don't know your parents at all. But you don't KNOW how they're going to react. When you used to identify as lesbian, did they know about that?
I told my parents, and my dad still hasn't come to terms with it. My mom has come a long way. And a few weeks ago I just started telling extended family. It's tough, but I feel more honest about myself, and better that there's not this huge sack of unsaid things waiting to explode over my head.
Reply
Well, my parents never knew I was identifying as a lesbian, but the comments my mom made about any of my friends that might have seemed gay were enough to really freak out and upset me.. If I defended them, she accused me of being gay and more or less threatened to kick me out of the house.
Yeah, I can understand that. I'm glad your family has taken it moderately well.. I don't know if mine can.. :\
Reply
Reply
That scares me too.. my dad pays my rent and tuition.. if he got really mad at me he could just stop paying and then I'd be FUCKED. So fucked it's not even funny. Trapped in Canada.. Dun dun dunnnnnn!
I don't mind hearing about your crazy dad.. like I said, he sounds just like my mom.. my dad's not so bad about it.. he laughs at stuff a lot.. and just kind of ignores a lot of things.
Reply
Leave a comment