..
There's something REALLY bothering me...
But the more I bring it up, the more I look like a total fucking paranoid ASSHOLE. I just don't know how to talk about things.
But it's been bothering me for a WHILE. But I KEEP bringing it up.
Why am I so suspicious? Why am I letting little shit bother me?
I'm going to get hurt REGARDLESS. Most likely, anyway. Why can't I just close my eyes and be blind to it? Why can't I just give in all the way? Why can't I just fucking let go? Why can't I just shut the hell up and be happy for the time being?
Why am I still so cynical?
Sometimes I feel like such a jerk.
-------------
Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
I don't want to be part of the problem.
I try so hard to get roughed up:
Fists on up, it looks that easy.
It looks that way to me.
It looks that way to you.
But then there's you, telling me I can.
Then there's you screaming "say something!"
I want the ocean right now;
I want the ocean right now.
I get so jealous
That I can't even work.
I get so jealous
That I can't even work.
There I am in the morning;
I don't like what I see.
There I am in the morning;
I don't like what I see.
I don't know how it's become such a problem;
Keep you up all night if I try to remain calm.
How can they ask why I feel so angry?
Do you see my problem if I never explain it?
But then there's you asking me how long;
Say something. It's taken me so long.
-------------
I'm only happy when I'm physically with you.
I'm only happy when I'm in your arms.
I'm only happy when you're in my arms.
I'm only happy when I know I'm keeping you safe.
I'm only happy when I know you're keeping me safe.
The rest of the time feels like a blur, like it's not even real.
I wait and wait until I can, finally, at least HEAR your voice. That helps for a little while.
But seeing you is like falling in love all over again. I always long for the moment when I see you and you smile at me and I smile at you. We don't even have to talk to each other - it's still perfect.
I don't want this to go awry so soon.
You spend so much time with me.
I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be scared of anything.
Yet, somehow, I still am.
I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to give in.
Be patient with me. Please?
I'm new at this...
-------------
Tegan and Sara - Fix You Up
What I wanted most, what I wanted most,
What I wanted most
Was to get myself all figured out
And what I figured out, what I figured out,
What I figured out
Was that I needed more time to figure you out.
There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it.
You bring it up and bring it in and we'll get you fixed up in no time
Cause this love is all I have to give;
This love is all I have to give.
-------------
I've been listening to a lot of T&S lately haha. Not that I wasn't before but multiply that by like.. 3.. and you have the amount I've been listening to them lately.
Then again, I've also started listening to t.A.T.u. again. lol. There are a lot of memories associated with them, though. It's kind of like how some people go through a phase of listening to fucking BSB or some shit again. I'll get over it.
The bastard staff at the site I work at FUCKED me and my co-workers OVER.
They locked the kitchen.
This means NO REFRIGERATOR.
NO MICROWAVE.
NO UTENSILS.
NO CUPS.
NO PLATES.
This means NO MORE EATING AT WORK unless it's COLD food
OR
I fucking order PIZZA or CHINESE FOOD while I'm there
OR
Someone BRINGS me food at 4AM
OR
I SNEAK OUT of the fucking site and GO GET FOOD when I get hungry
OR
I BRING MY OWN MICROWAVE AND TINY BAR FRIDGE TO THE SITE!
YEAH! GREAT IDEAS! NOT!!!!!!!
Last night I heated Chicken McNuggets with a mother fucking SPACE HEATER!!!!!!! I OPENED THE FUCKING BAG AND PUT IT UP TO THE SPACE HEATER TURNED THE THING ON FULL FUCKING BLAST! AND I COOKED MYSELF IN MY TINY LITTLE BOOTH! BUT, AT LEAST, ONE - ONE - SINGLE CHICKEN MCNUGGET GOT WARM! AND I ATE IT! HAPPY JUST TO HAVE ONE WARM FUCKING MORSELF OF FOOD!
I didn't even TRY heating the fries.
I'm very, VERY angry about all this.
Thank god that for the first time EVER I did NOT take frozen food to work last night! SOMETHING told me not to so I didn't. Otherwise I would have been unthawing and eating a frozen Michelina's pizza.
I'm so hungry!!
Bronwyn and I went to breakfast this morning.
Ok anyway. This is a long post. There were a lot of different emotions in it, too! O.o
I'm going to go heat the rest of my McDonald's food IN THE MICROWAVE and go back to sleep or something. CYAS!
But the more I bring it up, the more I look like a total fucking paranoid ASSHOLE. I just don't know how to talk about things.
But it's been bothering me for a WHILE. But I KEEP bringing it up.
Why am I so suspicious? Why am I letting little shit bother me?
I'm going to get hurt REGARDLESS. Most likely, anyway. Why can't I just close my eyes and be blind to it? Why can't I just give in all the way? Why can't I just fucking let go? Why can't I just shut the hell up and be happy for the time being?
Why am I still so cynical?
Sometimes I feel like such a jerk.
-------------
Tegan and Sara - So Jealous
I don't want to be part of the problem.
I try so hard to get roughed up:
Fists on up, it looks that easy.
It looks that way to me.
It looks that way to you.
But then there's you, telling me I can.
Then there's you screaming "say something!"
I want the ocean right now;
I want the ocean right now.
I get so jealous
That I can't even work.
I get so jealous
That I can't even work.
There I am in the morning;
I don't like what I see.
There I am in the morning;
I don't like what I see.
I don't know how it's become such a problem;
Keep you up all night if I try to remain calm.
How can they ask why I feel so angry?
Do you see my problem if I never explain it?
But then there's you asking me how long;
Say something. It's taken me so long.
-------------
I'm only happy when I'm physically with you.
I'm only happy when I'm in your arms.
I'm only happy when you're in my arms.
I'm only happy when I know I'm keeping you safe.
I'm only happy when I know you're keeping me safe.
The rest of the time feels like a blur, like it's not even real.
I wait and wait until I can, finally, at least HEAR your voice. That helps for a little while.
But seeing you is like falling in love all over again. I always long for the moment when I see you and you smile at me and I smile at you. We don't even have to talk to each other - it's still perfect.
I don't want this to go awry so soon.
You spend so much time with me.
I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be scared of anything.
Yet, somehow, I still am.
I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to give in.
Be patient with me. Please?
I'm new at this...
-------------
Tegan and Sara - Fix You Up
What I wanted most, what I wanted most,
What I wanted most
Was to get myself all figured out
And what I figured out, what I figured out,
What I figured out
Was that I needed more time to figure you out.
There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it.
You bring it up and bring it in and we'll get you fixed up in no time
Cause this love is all I have to give;
This love is all I have to give.
-------------
I've been listening to a lot of T&S lately haha. Not that I wasn't before but multiply that by like.. 3.. and you have the amount I've been listening to them lately.
Then again, I've also started listening to t.A.T.u. again. lol. There are a lot of memories associated with them, though. It's kind of like how some people go through a phase of listening to fucking BSB or some shit again. I'll get over it.
The bastard staff at the site I work at FUCKED me and my co-workers OVER.
They locked the kitchen.
This means NO REFRIGERATOR.
NO MICROWAVE.
NO UTENSILS.
NO CUPS.
NO PLATES.
This means NO MORE EATING AT WORK unless it's COLD food
OR
I fucking order PIZZA or CHINESE FOOD while I'm there
OR
Someone BRINGS me food at 4AM
OR
I SNEAK OUT of the fucking site and GO GET FOOD when I get hungry
OR
I BRING MY OWN MICROWAVE AND TINY BAR FRIDGE TO THE SITE!
YEAH! GREAT IDEAS! NOT!!!!!!!
Last night I heated Chicken McNuggets with a mother fucking SPACE HEATER!!!!!!! I OPENED THE FUCKING BAG AND PUT IT UP TO THE SPACE HEATER TURNED THE THING ON FULL FUCKING BLAST! AND I COOKED MYSELF IN MY TINY LITTLE BOOTH! BUT, AT LEAST, ONE - ONE - SINGLE CHICKEN MCNUGGET GOT WARM! AND I ATE IT! HAPPY JUST TO HAVE ONE WARM FUCKING MORSELF OF FOOD!
I didn't even TRY heating the fries.
I'm very, VERY angry about all this.
Thank god that for the first time EVER I did NOT take frozen food to work last night! SOMETHING told me not to so I didn't. Otherwise I would have been unthawing and eating a frozen Michelina's pizza.
I'm so hungry!!
Bronwyn and I went to breakfast this morning.
- We laughed the ENTIRE motherfucking time, as if we were stoned out of our wits. The waitress kept laughing at us when she walked by.
- There was something hanging off of the bottom of Kendra's car and Bronwyn kept laughing at me and saying I broke the car but I noticed it when Kendra gave me the car last night lol I just didn't THINK about it til this morning when I got off work and took a closer look at it. Kendra wasn't surprised to see it. It's more than likely from when she had the lights changed in the past couple of days.
- ME (in a Brokeback mountain voice, no less) TO THE WAITRESS: We j'st want some baycon. Bronwyn DIED laughing when I did that.
- It took us like 15 fucking minutes just too look at the menu and decide we both want only 4 slices of bacon. No more, no less. Smitty's charges you almost $1.10 for a piece of toast. It's $2.19 for two fucking slices of toast. For that, you could go to the supermarket and buy a whole loaf of bread and fucking TOAST IT YOURSELF!!!
- Bronwyn's cutting back on the sugar. I'm proud of her. LMAO
- There was no coffee spilling under the table today! WOO!!
- This family of three was sitting near us when we were there.. I didn't see them all - just a little girl and a youngish man with a baldish head. At one point, all three of them had their heads down towards the table AND LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE SNORTING COKE! YOU EVER SEEN A LITTLE 5 YEAR OLD GIRL LOOK LIKE SHE'S SNORTING COKE BEFORE?! LMAO I know they weren't but it looked like it and I died laughing. So did Bronwyn, naturally.
- I'M SORRY IF YOU'RE JUST THAT WET AND SLIMY!!
- Apparently I don't like Bronwyn's place cos I drove right past it. But it's cool cos the street right after has a CRAZY blind (I totally typed BLING) crest! It's fun to go up and down! It's not like that psycho one in Dartmouth, though... *drool*
Ok anyway. This is a long post. There were a lot of different emotions in it, too! O.o
I'm going to go heat the rest of my McDonald's food IN THE MICROWAVE and go back to sleep or something. CYAS!