super bowl loss
is it just a game? tomorow I'll wake up at 8:00am, hit the snooze, then wake up and drudge on with winter quarter. My Seahawks didn't let me down, because they at least got there. This is something else. The super bowl loss is a large scale version of what has happened inside of myself. I have lost my will to work. My ethic which made me succesfull last quarter. And worse is i am not angry. I'm indifferent. I hate indifference, that is what I have become though. Do I care about what is happening in the news anymore? Yes, but not enough to watch it. I'm indifferent about the condition of my face, and I'm indifferent about my grades. I guess what causes people to be motivated is when something motivates them. This rather simple answer leads me to think that nothing is my driving force anymore. Last quarter it was proving that I belonged at UCLA, this quarter I have nothing to make me work. My future is so up in the air right now, do I really need chemistry if what I want to is to be in politics, and on the same level what importance is the philosophies of Utilitarianism and Modernism to a doctor? I want my future to slap me in the face and say "you are close to finding me, keep at it." But the only response I am reading is "fuck off."