Psychosomatic
Psychosomatic- adjective- of, relating to, involving, or concerned with bodily symptoms caused by mental or emotional disturbance
Have I been frieking out about everything lately?
Perhapse
...maybe?
Ok, fine!
I need to check my self into a psychiatric clinic sometime soon because I'm becoming psychosocial (adjective- 1: involving both psychological or social aspects 2: relating social conditions to mental health)
or maybe I should just stop listening to fucks who are telling me left and right to go get theropy for some conditions I don't have and don't suffer and probably never will
Ok that's out of my system-
I'm not fucked up
and I don't need theropy
I'm doing the right thing all the time
reading, writing and philosophizing
Today I checked out the area of the nature preserve that I walk around in every evening. seeing it in broad daylight is different than at night. at night this area looks dreamy and in the day it looks ...let me say, not as spectacular.
I spend too much time writing down my manifestos on my computer. Manifestos eh??? Like the Unabomber of the past? No, He's locked up in jail and he did that stuff 10 years ago and me I'm a pieceful guy
I wouldn't hurt a flie
...but I still feel guilty
Last night I ate meat. It was Kosher, but still
I don't eat meat. It's repulsive
considering what they feed them and such
I am reminded by a few lines from a poem I wrote called "I'm on fire for ya" - a few weeks ago
"I can't eat meat
The act of an animal's flesh grinding between my ivory white teeth
After the animal has suffered the modern oppression known as mass agriculture"
Now what do they do that I find so repulsive?
Chickens are given anitbiotics so their bones will get smaller while they get bigger and fatter.
They're fed bioengineered corn. Everything people eat now a days is bioengineered- but at home, we only eat organic food.
The conditions are yucky. the places they store the chickens are very dirty. they don't clean out the dead animals so oftenly. many chickens are actually sick and infected when they are sloughtered.
Aren't animals supposed to be healthy or not sick or what ever to be sloughtered in a Kosher fashion?
Well I guess the practice has changed over the years.
I ate chicken
Cows are a different story... a much more disturbing one and I don't want to describe it now.
My stomach felt really bad from it.
I've created a discomforting bodily reaction every time I eat meat. I've just aquired it over the years as i've stopped eating meat.
and then a few beers. I felt pain in my stomach. (was about to say my stomach felt like shit, but the stomach doesn't feel, I do. I am myself. the stomach is not self)
I heard a rumor about an open mic slam somewhere. I stopped drinking. and rushed to where it was supposed to happen.
One of my friends wanted to go to it, just to see me. And she may have changed her evening plans to accomodate all this.
And I felt so guilty so I waited to say I was sorry, but I guess I missed here. And she called me up and I didn't pick up. I really wanted to say sorry.
Felt a bit upset.
What to do??? Drink? Drink some more? Take some pain killers too?
OD to death because of embarassment or someother feeling. It wouldn't be because of a crush for a girl or she at least wouldn't have anything to do with it?
then I got a call to be in a documentary about film makers going to this school. I ran there and answered all of Johnny and friends' questions about my ideas since school has started.
And I realized something. If there's a bunch of kids like Johnny trying to make stuff like this all over the place, working in the film industry must be hard.
So I'll have quite a ride becoming a script writer in Hollywood. (that's one of my dreams)
Another dream?
Get a serious book done by the time I'm 35.
I've already written a novel. Everyone I've told it to loves it, but I want to move on in my life and work with new things since I've come to college.
I'll write another book about the same thing just change the story.
And here I am. I need to write this english paper by monday so I can go over it with people and finnish it by wednesday so I can have free time to record and hang out and whatnot during the break. the paper's due the tuesday I return.
Oh how I love to write about random things.
And oh how I love my life!!!
Nov. 19, 2005
6:44 PM
Have I been frieking out about everything lately?
Perhapse
...maybe?
Ok, fine!
I need to check my self into a psychiatric clinic sometime soon because I'm becoming psychosocial (adjective- 1: involving both psychological or social aspects 2: relating social conditions to mental health)
or maybe I should just stop listening to fucks who are telling me left and right to go get theropy for some conditions I don't have and don't suffer and probably never will
Ok that's out of my system-
I'm not fucked up
and I don't need theropy
I'm doing the right thing all the time
reading, writing and philosophizing
Today I checked out the area of the nature preserve that I walk around in every evening. seeing it in broad daylight is different than at night. at night this area looks dreamy and in the day it looks ...let me say, not as spectacular.
I spend too much time writing down my manifestos on my computer. Manifestos eh??? Like the Unabomber of the past? No, He's locked up in jail and he did that stuff 10 years ago and me I'm a pieceful guy
I wouldn't hurt a flie
...but I still feel guilty
Last night I ate meat. It was Kosher, but still
I don't eat meat. It's repulsive
considering what they feed them and such
I am reminded by a few lines from a poem I wrote called "I'm on fire for ya" - a few weeks ago
"I can't eat meat
The act of an animal's flesh grinding between my ivory white teeth
After the animal has suffered the modern oppression known as mass agriculture"
Now what do they do that I find so repulsive?
Chickens are given anitbiotics so their bones will get smaller while they get bigger and fatter.
They're fed bioengineered corn. Everything people eat now a days is bioengineered- but at home, we only eat organic food.
The conditions are yucky. the places they store the chickens are very dirty. they don't clean out the dead animals so oftenly. many chickens are actually sick and infected when they are sloughtered.
Aren't animals supposed to be healthy or not sick or what ever to be sloughtered in a Kosher fashion?
Well I guess the practice has changed over the years.
I ate chicken
Cows are a different story... a much more disturbing one and I don't want to describe it now.
My stomach felt really bad from it.
I've created a discomforting bodily reaction every time I eat meat. I've just aquired it over the years as i've stopped eating meat.
and then a few beers. I felt pain in my stomach. (was about to say my stomach felt like shit, but the stomach doesn't feel, I do. I am myself. the stomach is not self)
I heard a rumor about an open mic slam somewhere. I stopped drinking. and rushed to where it was supposed to happen.
One of my friends wanted to go to it, just to see me. And she may have changed her evening plans to accomodate all this.
And I felt so guilty so I waited to say I was sorry, but I guess I missed here. And she called me up and I didn't pick up. I really wanted to say sorry.
Felt a bit upset.
What to do??? Drink? Drink some more? Take some pain killers too?
OD to death because of embarassment or someother feeling. It wouldn't be because of a crush for a girl or she at least wouldn't have anything to do with it?
then I got a call to be in a documentary about film makers going to this school. I ran there and answered all of Johnny and friends' questions about my ideas since school has started.
And I realized something. If there's a bunch of kids like Johnny trying to make stuff like this all over the place, working in the film industry must be hard.
So I'll have quite a ride becoming a script writer in Hollywood. (that's one of my dreams)
Another dream?
Get a serious book done by the time I'm 35.
I've already written a novel. Everyone I've told it to loves it, but I want to move on in my life and work with new things since I've come to college.
I'll write another book about the same thing just change the story.
And here I am. I need to write this english paper by monday so I can go over it with people and finnish it by wednesday so I can have free time to record and hang out and whatnot during the break. the paper's due the tuesday I return.
Oh how I love to write about random things.
And oh how I love my life!!!
Nov. 19, 2005
6:44 PM