On...deja vu
I hate having to deal with this crap. Seriously, I do. I'm going to try not going to say anything negative or derogatory. And if I do, well, that can't be helped.
There are a lot of reasons why I refuse to deal with things via livejournal. It's like LJ Drama. And I hate LJ drama almost as much as I hate RL drama. So, get over it. Seriously. It's not that difficult to find my email address. I had it before I left BHS, so most of you BHSers would have had it already. If you don't already, you know of at least one person that does.
But this is not about most BHSers. There are reasons for my putting boundaries up in certain places. They are not overly strategic, they are not overly complicated. I hold my friends very close to me in a lot of ways. I've lost a lot of friends who think that just because I get a little attention and they are not paid as much attention, that I have become a bad person, evil and going out of my way to make their lives miserable. It happened with Elizabeth, it happened with Heather. Elizabeth retaliated my sudden popularity because I was upset and moving away, and being ripped from my core environment, the only environment I ever really knew or could remember. Her parents, Megan's parents and Patrick's parents all felt sympathy for me because they knew that I was upset and volatile. They knew that moving would destroy me. She got jealous because, on only a very few occasions, I was given more attention, a little more sympathy, and a little more compassion than she was. She had no reason to be upset. Yet she was. And one day it came to such a place that I left Megan's house crying.
It's funny that the almost exact situation is happening now, almost 8-9 years later. Graduating was me being ripped out of my environment. There are new players, new circumstances. I'm not trying to be a stick in the mud, really, I'm not. Of course I am quite aware that I am not going to be believed (by some, anyway). I don't care. If you think this is all about Alex you're quite mistaken. Only a TEENSY TINY part of it is about Alex. He knows what I think. As long as he knows how I feel, that's all that matters. Mostly it's because of this whole "renewed" image people are trying to portray. It's quite a normal thing to try to change yourself after a breakup. We've all done it. However, I take great joy in looking at situations and seeing people who say they changed but really haven't. When Heather broke up with Trey, she went on a whole new "renewing" spurt. That in itself is okay. I've done it too. I just love seeing how little things have actually changed.
I'm tired of the ranting. I'm tired of the BS. It's to the point where I am sick and tired of being told how I should react. I'm not that easily molded. I'm not easy to manipulate. And I know that's what she wants to happen. She wants me to forget all the things that have happened. The main thing I'm pissed about is that I find so much of my information out through third parties, and that pisses me off more than anything. I'd rather hear it from somebody else. Most of you BHSers know my take on a lot of these current situations. Not many of you agree with me, but you at least respect my feelings and opinions.
Bottom line is I want Alex to be happy. I don't have to like who he's dating, I don't have to approve of who he's dating. I will (generally) hold my tongue on these things. But he also knows me well enough that I don't have to say those things; he already knows them. All that matters to me is Alex's happiness. He knows that, I know that, and everybody else should know that. So there we go. It's officially on the record now.
And just for the record, my gripe/issue policy is, and will continue to be in place until the end of time.
thank you for your time.
(edit: I'm fully aware of the Backlash I will get for this. I am aware of the flames and hate posts I will receive. So, in closing once more, BRING IT ON.)
There are a lot of reasons why I refuse to deal with things via livejournal. It's like LJ Drama. And I hate LJ drama almost as much as I hate RL drama. So, get over it. Seriously. It's not that difficult to find my email address. I had it before I left BHS, so most of you BHSers would have had it already. If you don't already, you know of at least one person that does.
But this is not about most BHSers. There are reasons for my putting boundaries up in certain places. They are not overly strategic, they are not overly complicated. I hold my friends very close to me in a lot of ways. I've lost a lot of friends who think that just because I get a little attention and they are not paid as much attention, that I have become a bad person, evil and going out of my way to make their lives miserable. It happened with Elizabeth, it happened with Heather. Elizabeth retaliated my sudden popularity because I was upset and moving away, and being ripped from my core environment, the only environment I ever really knew or could remember. Her parents, Megan's parents and Patrick's parents all felt sympathy for me because they knew that I was upset and volatile. They knew that moving would destroy me. She got jealous because, on only a very few occasions, I was given more attention, a little more sympathy, and a little more compassion than she was. She had no reason to be upset. Yet she was. And one day it came to such a place that I left Megan's house crying.
It's funny that the almost exact situation is happening now, almost 8-9 years later. Graduating was me being ripped out of my environment. There are new players, new circumstances. I'm not trying to be a stick in the mud, really, I'm not. Of course I am quite aware that I am not going to be believed (by some, anyway). I don't care. If you think this is all about Alex you're quite mistaken. Only a TEENSY TINY part of it is about Alex. He knows what I think. As long as he knows how I feel, that's all that matters. Mostly it's because of this whole "renewed" image people are trying to portray. It's quite a normal thing to try to change yourself after a breakup. We've all done it. However, I take great joy in looking at situations and seeing people who say they changed but really haven't. When Heather broke up with Trey, she went on a whole new "renewing" spurt. That in itself is okay. I've done it too. I just love seeing how little things have actually changed.
I'm tired of the ranting. I'm tired of the BS. It's to the point where I am sick and tired of being told how I should react. I'm not that easily molded. I'm not easy to manipulate. And I know that's what she wants to happen. She wants me to forget all the things that have happened. The main thing I'm pissed about is that I find so much of my information out through third parties, and that pisses me off more than anything. I'd rather hear it from somebody else. Most of you BHSers know my take on a lot of these current situations. Not many of you agree with me, but you at least respect my feelings and opinions.
Bottom line is I want Alex to be happy. I don't have to like who he's dating, I don't have to approve of who he's dating. I will (generally) hold my tongue on these things. But he also knows me well enough that I don't have to say those things; he already knows them. All that matters to me is Alex's happiness. He knows that, I know that, and everybody else should know that. So there we go. It's officially on the record now.
And just for the record, my gripe/issue policy is, and will continue to be in place until the end of time.
thank you for your time.
(edit: I'm fully aware of the Backlash I will get for this. I am aware of the flames and hate posts I will receive. So, in closing once more, BRING IT ON.)