Fic: What Barney Does for a Living
Fandoms: How I Met Your Mother (crossover with Dr. Horrible)
Word Count: No idea. (drabble length)
Pairings: None, really. (Though it was written as part of the drabbleathon on barneyrobin.)
Spoilers:For Dr. Horrible Act II, maybe? None for HIMYM, really.
Summary: Prompt from jmclive: "Barney is Doctor Horrible (which is why he can't tell anyone about his job at TELOL. Robin finds out."
Notes: Reposted because it got nominated for a Legendary Award, so I thought it deserved its own shiny post. =)
Robin sat motionless in the chair across the desk from Barney, who was wearing a white lab coat watching her expectantly. “Well?” he finally asked.
“Are you trying to tell me,” she said slowly, “that all this time, you’ve been working as a low-rent supervillain?”
“Um, I believe the politically correct term is ‘evil genius on a budget’,” he corrected, forming air quotes with his gloved hands. “And yeah, Scherbatsky, you’d better believe it.”
Robin shook her head in disbelief. “Sorry, Barney. Even I know that you’ve just put on your old Halloween costume to try and make me think that your job is cooler than it actually is.”
Barney scoffed. “Please. What exactly do you think ‘Altrucel’ stands for?”
“I didn’t think it stood for anything…”
“Well, that’s where you’re wrong. ALTRUCEL is just an acronym for ‘A League, That’s Right, of Ultra-Cool Evil Lads.’ Or, for you civilians, the Evil League of Evil.”
“Okay, now that’s just ridiculous.”
“Oh, really? Okay, then: why else would I be on my blog all the time, if not to talk about my plans for world domination?”
“Come on, Barney,” she said. “Even I know that your blog is just full of ways to pick up women. Not that I read it, or anything!” she added hastily.
“Ah-HA! You’ve fallen for my decoy blog, I see!” He let out a stilted laugh that seemed to try and mimic the sounds villains in old melodramas made.
Robin stared at him incredulously. “Was- was that it? Your ‘evil laugh?’” She started to giggle in spite of herself.
“Hey, it’s coming along!" he said defensively. "I’ve been working with a vocal coach… strengthening the…” He pounded his chest. “Haaaaaah.”
“Well, it’s certainly memorable,” she teased him.
Just then, Marshall burst through the door, wearing a too-tight black T-shirt with a hammer logo on it, his ever-growing hair slicked back and gelled into a Superman-like hairdo. He pointed a finger dramatically at Barney.
“It’s curtains for you, Doctor Horrible,” he boomed, striking a heroic pose. “Lacy, gently wafting curtains!” His heroic facade crumbled as he giggled to himself.
Barney rolled his eyes, his head flopping back in exasperation. “Marshall, for the last time, this is NOT my Halloween costume!”
Marshall caught Robin’s eye. “Denial,” he said in a whisper that carried through Barney’s office, which Robin noticed had been converted into an evil lab of sorts, complete with test tubes and the obligatory giant whiteboard. The only trace that they were still in Barney’s office was the many motivational posters Barney kept on his walls. Among the posters, a framed diploma caught her eye.
"Does that say that you have a Ph.D. in Horribleness?" she asked Barney.
"And another one in Awesomeness," he added, pointing to another diploma in the center of the wall.
"So you're horrible at being awesome?" she couldn't help but ask, smirking. Barney ignored her, though he closed his eyes in disgust.
“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Barney went on, pulling the goggles on his head down over his eyes, “I need to get back to work on my Freeze Ray, so if you two could just leave, that’d be great.”
Robin and Marshall shrugged and walked out. Before the door closed, Robin could swear she heard Barney mutter, “Ohh, you’ll get what’s coming to you, Captain Hammer, aka Clark Butterfield. That’ll show you for dislocating my shoulder last week!”
Word Count: No idea. (drabble length)
Pairings: None, really. (Though it was written as part of the drabbleathon on barneyrobin.)
Spoilers:For Dr. Horrible Act II, maybe? None for HIMYM, really.
Summary: Prompt from jmclive: "Barney is Doctor Horrible (which is why he can't tell anyone about his job at TELOL. Robin finds out."
Notes: Reposted because it got nominated for a Legendary Award, so I thought it deserved its own shiny post. =)
Robin sat motionless in the chair across the desk from Barney, who was wearing a white lab coat watching her expectantly. “Well?” he finally asked.
“Are you trying to tell me,” she said slowly, “that all this time, you’ve been working as a low-rent supervillain?”
“Um, I believe the politically correct term is ‘evil genius on a budget’,” he corrected, forming air quotes with his gloved hands. “And yeah, Scherbatsky, you’d better believe it.”
Robin shook her head in disbelief. “Sorry, Barney. Even I know that you’ve just put on your old Halloween costume to try and make me think that your job is cooler than it actually is.”
Barney scoffed. “Please. What exactly do you think ‘Altrucel’ stands for?”
“I didn’t think it stood for anything…”
“Well, that’s where you’re wrong. ALTRUCEL is just an acronym for ‘A League, That’s Right, of Ultra-Cool Evil Lads.’ Or, for you civilians, the Evil League of Evil.”
“Okay, now that’s just ridiculous.”
“Oh, really? Okay, then: why else would I be on my blog all the time, if not to talk about my plans for world domination?”
“Come on, Barney,” she said. “Even I know that your blog is just full of ways to pick up women. Not that I read it, or anything!” she added hastily.
“Ah-HA! You’ve fallen for my decoy blog, I see!” He let out a stilted laugh that seemed to try and mimic the sounds villains in old melodramas made.
Robin stared at him incredulously. “Was- was that it? Your ‘evil laugh?’” She started to giggle in spite of herself.
“Hey, it’s coming along!" he said defensively. "I’ve been working with a vocal coach… strengthening the…” He pounded his chest. “Haaaaaah.”
“Well, it’s certainly memorable,” she teased him.
Just then, Marshall burst through the door, wearing a too-tight black T-shirt with a hammer logo on it, his ever-growing hair slicked back and gelled into a Superman-like hairdo. He pointed a finger dramatically at Barney.
“It’s curtains for you, Doctor Horrible,” he boomed, striking a heroic pose. “Lacy, gently wafting curtains!” His heroic facade crumbled as he giggled to himself.
Barney rolled his eyes, his head flopping back in exasperation. “Marshall, for the last time, this is NOT my Halloween costume!”
Marshall caught Robin’s eye. “Denial,” he said in a whisper that carried through Barney’s office, which Robin noticed had been converted into an evil lab of sorts, complete with test tubes and the obligatory giant whiteboard. The only trace that they were still in Barney’s office was the many motivational posters Barney kept on his walls. Among the posters, a framed diploma caught her eye.
"Does that say that you have a Ph.D. in Horribleness?" she asked Barney.
"And another one in Awesomeness," he added, pointing to another diploma in the center of the wall.
"So you're horrible at being awesome?" she couldn't help but ask, smirking. Barney ignored her, though he closed his eyes in disgust.
“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Barney went on, pulling the goggles on his head down over his eyes, “I need to get back to work on my Freeze Ray, so if you two could just leave, that’d be great.”
Robin and Marshall shrugged and walked out. Before the door closed, Robin could swear she heard Barney mutter, “Ohh, you’ll get what’s coming to you, Captain Hammer, aka Clark Butterfield. That’ll show you for dislocating my shoulder last week!”