Steve Watches Give 'em Hell, Malone
...as the crowd gives him confused looks. Give 'em Hell, Malone is one of a series of noirish crime flicks starring Thomas Jane (see also: Killshot, The Dark Country) and all made since his last major theatrical release (The Mist in 2007). Poor Tom.
00:26 The production company is Malone Productions. Uh-oh.
00:30 I suspect that someone, at some point, is gonna say “Give 'em hell, Malone!”
01:09 That's a lot of arterial spray from a standing man.
01:48 Ow, fuck! I didn't need the slo-mo bullet through the nose, fellahs.
01:53 Why the hell are all these people shooting and knifing each other? Also, I'm pretty sure Malone's carrying an automatic revolver, because fuck it.
04:20 I like all these fedoras. Nice touch. Very much updating the classic noir, like Payback.
06:06 Thomas Jane needs more of this sort of work. Actually, he needs work, period. Also, this is some of the most punishing stunt work I've ever seen.
06:58 Three shots from a double-barrel. MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF IS SHATTERED!
07:54 Is this an old folks home? Who the hell gave him this case?
08:40 Oh, he's visiting his mom, despite having a fresh bullet in his shoulder. Also, why is she calling him “Malone”?
09:35 She keeps her bullet-plucking kit in the dryer. Makes sense.
10:48 A field full of old men in wheelchairs breathing through respirators. This movie's fuckin' oddball.
11:19 Ving Rhames just referred to himself as “the big, bad, black motherfucker”. Why does he ever play parts that aren't Marsellus Wallace? Also, while looking up how to spell 'Marsellus', I found Ving's middle name: Rameses.
12:27 And Malone became a badass gunslinger after his family (except mom, apparently) were gunned down by mobsters. He's got range, this one!
13:13 “Sadism might come in handy.”
13:25 He's implying that she keeps her knives in her vagina, Kev.
14:37 Two things. Ving Rhames wants the briefcase that Thomas Jane took, because he wants to broaden his acting horizons. Malone is going to tear out the boss mobster's heart with his bare hands and eat it at the end of this flick; I'm calling it.
14:57 Hey, it's Leland Orser! I love that guy!
16:01 Ooooh, hardboiled dialog doesn't work with your accent, lady. Madrid's not exactly Chicago.
17:25 Don't trust her, Malone! She's Spanish! They don't have her brother!
17:47 I'm guessing this is Li'l Miss Vagina-Full-of-Knives.
18:31 Don't do it, old carnival worker! She's Chinese! That's where she keeps her knives!
19:55 I'm pretty sure that dick's coming off, old carnival worker. She's probably gonna bite it.
20:05 Best musical cue for a blowjob ever.
20:10 And there goes the dick.
21:43 Oh, she had a razor blade in her mouth. Still, her face is smeared with pecker-blood.
22:09 I guess they do have her brother.
23:21 He said “Sister” when you asked who snatched him, Malone. Leave! Also, a Hall of Mirrors, really?
23:48 Actually, the use of color here is pretty fun. Each character in the scene has their own distinct palette.
30:18 Okay, this Matchstick character's pretty brutally one-note and it's flat. I COULD WRITE REVIEWS FOR THE TIMES WITH LINES LIKE THAT!
31:44 Those are some pretty nasty facial burns on a man with a full head of hair. That's also some pretty nasty CGI.
31:50 Yeah, don't help the man that just got lit on fire, or anything. He's totally cool.
34:19 “He runs a hooker joint called 'The Tradewinds Motel'.” Isn't that an actual hotel chain?
34:44 That's such a huge goddamn revolver.
35:42 Malone's partner Murph got immolated by Boulder and Matchstick. I do like the names in this flick.
37:17 I'm rather certain Malone just admitted being addicted to murder.
40:54 Rip out his heart, Malone; he's the worst character in this film.
43:58 Either he sent her for .45-caliber whiskey, or he's gonna use it to set Matchstick on fire. Having a pyromaniacal arsonist as a gimmick villain is fine, but he's just so shittily written. He reminds me in some way of Looney Bin Jim from the other Punisher movie.
44:49 Matchstick's on the hood of your car, Malone! He's at your mercy, so fucking annihilate him! Oh, no, wait, he's gonna have to burn to death, isn't he? Goddamn it.
46:21 So far, I relate most to these hookers with immigration issues.
47:09 That was a pretty classic bit of banter.
49:53 FULL POSTERIOR NUDITY!
50:25 The little blue elephant from the briefcase has to be about his family, has to. That's why it's “The meaning of love.” I like this movie, but the writing's got more ups and downs than a bipolar roller-coaster.
50:37 FRENCH STEWART!?
50:43 Hey, French, where'd your squints go?
51:29 Who's that hiding his face in the front row? Also, where'd Lady Vaginsu go? Malone hasn't dropped an SUV down an elevator shaft onto her face yet.
53:02 What low-rent motherfucker stretched a Silver Ghost!?
54:53 I think Ving might kill Match-how-can-such-a-quirky-guy-be-so-boring-stick, which would be pretty baller.
55:46 Malone's about to rock the shit out of French Stewart, the round-eyed devil.
56:55 Pleeeeease shoot-out at the retirement home. Pleasepleaseplease.
58:40 Yeeees, come on, do it....! John Woo these fucking retirees....
59:12 Hairspray flamethrower to Matchstick's stupid fucking face! I will take it!
59:30 YES! Now stay out of the damn movie, y'lump!
59:51 Hey, that line of dialog is actually the name of the movie! That's clever!
60:23 Fire extinguisher to the face. Malone hates faces, apparently.
61:55 Visas do not work that way!
63:04 These turns are far too wide and sweeping to be causing all of French's bumping around in that trunk. Although, from the looks of it, he might be so battered and bruised, his eyes swell shut again. Yep, I'm keepin' on with the French Stewart squint jokes.
64:22 Called it; she's a liar. And now she speeds off in Malone's lowrider.
64:51 Damn, she didn't, the Iberian whore.
64:57 Seatbelts sure as fuck don't cut that easy, but I'll take it because he's about to Death Proof her ass.
65:31 Threatening someone with intertia's lame, man, don't you know that? Dogs love blueberries, too.
66:30 Oh, she's a pregnant prostitute. Jesus, now she's going to be all vulnerable.
66:55 Aaaaand, she just lit up her first cigarette of the movie in the same breath as revealing her bun. Shoot her in the face, Malone; she's trouble.
68:01 Okay, possible new prediction: Malone pulls out the boss' heart with his bare hands, and then she puts a bullet through it, just like she promised. One thing's for sure, Malone is giving someone the ol' Mola Ram.
70:44 Is there anyone in this film who doesn't drive a classic car?
72:32 Oh, hey, it's Lady Vaginsu wearing fetish boots. She just dropped Malone with a blow dart to the...shirt collar?
73:13 That's an awful lot of corpses for a theatre.
74:07 This whole scene's pretty weird and fucked up. Matchstick better not still be alive.
74:27 Oh, it's just Slash-gash.
75:51 She's pretty fucking stupid to be taunting him with his dead family like this. He's gonna murder the weird out of her.
76:39 This movie really needs to stick to the archetype characters. These kooky ones suck.
76:43 Oh, snap, headbutt.
76:58 No! No! That fucker's head got set on fucking fire! Fuck you, man! God fucking dammit....
78:16 Headbutt him, too; he's a fucking burn victim.
79:21 Matchstick, besides being a terrible character, is also incredibly stupid. He just poured a bunch of kerosene all over Malone, including in his mouth. Now, he's going to pull out his Zippo and hold it between their faces. Can anyone see where this is going?
79:40 As much as I dislike Matchstick, at least he allowed for a movie to have the same character's head set on fire twice.
80:15 Vaginsu just got impaled, and Matchstick is still screaming in the background as he burns to death.
80:53 Addendum - set on fire twice, then shot.
84:14 The elephant is his kid's toy, in case you remembered or cared.
85:47 Oh, his dead family's not dead. That's actually an unexpected twist.
86:06 Whoa, the Spanish chick just got it square in the forehead!
87:24 The plot of this movie, such as it is, really sucks, but I don't know if I mind.
88:06 No, don't shoot him, Malone, tear his fucking heart out and eat it!
88:57 You can't even do me one favor, can you, Malone?
91:20 That was actually some really nuanced acting from Thomas Jane.
92:02 Let's be honest here, guys. This movie is not “To Be Continued...”.
00:26 The production company is Malone Productions. Uh-oh.
00:30 I suspect that someone, at some point, is gonna say “Give 'em hell, Malone!”
01:09 That's a lot of arterial spray from a standing man.
01:48 Ow, fuck! I didn't need the slo-mo bullet through the nose, fellahs.
01:53 Why the hell are all these people shooting and knifing each other? Also, I'm pretty sure Malone's carrying an automatic revolver, because fuck it.
04:20 I like all these fedoras. Nice touch. Very much updating the classic noir, like Payback.
06:06 Thomas Jane needs more of this sort of work. Actually, he needs work, period. Also, this is some of the most punishing stunt work I've ever seen.
06:58 Three shots from a double-barrel. MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF IS SHATTERED!
07:54 Is this an old folks home? Who the hell gave him this case?
08:40 Oh, he's visiting his mom, despite having a fresh bullet in his shoulder. Also, why is she calling him “Malone”?
09:35 She keeps her bullet-plucking kit in the dryer. Makes sense.
10:48 A field full of old men in wheelchairs breathing through respirators. This movie's fuckin' oddball.
11:19 Ving Rhames just referred to himself as “the big, bad, black motherfucker”. Why does he ever play parts that aren't Marsellus Wallace? Also, while looking up how to spell 'Marsellus', I found Ving's middle name: Rameses.
12:27 And Malone became a badass gunslinger after his family (except mom, apparently) were gunned down by mobsters. He's got range, this one!
13:13 “Sadism might come in handy.”
13:25 He's implying that she keeps her knives in her vagina, Kev.
14:37 Two things. Ving Rhames wants the briefcase that Thomas Jane took, because he wants to broaden his acting horizons. Malone is going to tear out the boss mobster's heart with his bare hands and eat it at the end of this flick; I'm calling it.
14:57 Hey, it's Leland Orser! I love that guy!
16:01 Ooooh, hardboiled dialog doesn't work with your accent, lady. Madrid's not exactly Chicago.
17:25 Don't trust her, Malone! She's Spanish! They don't have her brother!
17:47 I'm guessing this is Li'l Miss Vagina-Full-of-Knives.
18:31 Don't do it, old carnival worker! She's Chinese! That's where she keeps her knives!
19:55 I'm pretty sure that dick's coming off, old carnival worker. She's probably gonna bite it.
20:05 Best musical cue for a blowjob ever.
20:10 And there goes the dick.
21:43 Oh, she had a razor blade in her mouth. Still, her face is smeared with pecker-blood.
22:09 I guess they do have her brother.
23:21 He said “Sister” when you asked who snatched him, Malone. Leave! Also, a Hall of Mirrors, really?
23:48 Actually, the use of color here is pretty fun. Each character in the scene has their own distinct palette.
30:18 Okay, this Matchstick character's pretty brutally one-note and it's flat. I COULD WRITE REVIEWS FOR THE TIMES WITH LINES LIKE THAT!
31:44 Those are some pretty nasty facial burns on a man with a full head of hair. That's also some pretty nasty CGI.
31:50 Yeah, don't help the man that just got lit on fire, or anything. He's totally cool.
34:19 “He runs a hooker joint called 'The Tradewinds Motel'.” Isn't that an actual hotel chain?
34:44 That's such a huge goddamn revolver.
35:42 Malone's partner Murph got immolated by Boulder and Matchstick. I do like the names in this flick.
37:17 I'm rather certain Malone just admitted being addicted to murder.
40:54 Rip out his heart, Malone; he's the worst character in this film.
43:58 Either he sent her for .45-caliber whiskey, or he's gonna use it to set Matchstick on fire. Having a pyromaniacal arsonist as a gimmick villain is fine, but he's just so shittily written. He reminds me in some way of Looney Bin Jim from the other Punisher movie.
44:49 Matchstick's on the hood of your car, Malone! He's at your mercy, so fucking annihilate him! Oh, no, wait, he's gonna have to burn to death, isn't he? Goddamn it.
46:21 So far, I relate most to these hookers with immigration issues.
47:09 That was a pretty classic bit of banter.
49:53 FULL POSTERIOR NUDITY!
50:25 The little blue elephant from the briefcase has to be about his family, has to. That's why it's “The meaning of love.” I like this movie, but the writing's got more ups and downs than a bipolar roller-coaster.
50:37 FRENCH STEWART!?
50:43 Hey, French, where'd your squints go?
51:29 Who's that hiding his face in the front row? Also, where'd Lady Vaginsu go? Malone hasn't dropped an SUV down an elevator shaft onto her face yet.
53:02 What low-rent motherfucker stretched a Silver Ghost!?
54:53 I think Ving might kill Match-how-can-such-a-quirky-guy-be-so-boring-stick, which would be pretty baller.
55:46 Malone's about to rock the shit out of French Stewart, the round-eyed devil.
56:55 Pleeeeease shoot-out at the retirement home. Pleasepleaseplease.
58:40 Yeeees, come on, do it....! John Woo these fucking retirees....
59:12 Hairspray flamethrower to Matchstick's stupid fucking face! I will take it!
59:30 YES! Now stay out of the damn movie, y'lump!
59:51 Hey, that line of dialog is actually the name of the movie! That's clever!
60:23 Fire extinguisher to the face. Malone hates faces, apparently.
61:55 Visas do not work that way!
63:04 These turns are far too wide and sweeping to be causing all of French's bumping around in that trunk. Although, from the looks of it, he might be so battered and bruised, his eyes swell shut again. Yep, I'm keepin' on with the French Stewart squint jokes.
64:22 Called it; she's a liar. And now she speeds off in Malone's lowrider.
64:51 Damn, she didn't, the Iberian whore.
64:57 Seatbelts sure as fuck don't cut that easy, but I'll take it because he's about to Death Proof her ass.
65:31 Threatening someone with intertia's lame, man, don't you know that? Dogs love blueberries, too.
66:30 Oh, she's a pregnant prostitute. Jesus, now she's going to be all vulnerable.
66:55 Aaaaand, she just lit up her first cigarette of the movie in the same breath as revealing her bun. Shoot her in the face, Malone; she's trouble.
68:01 Okay, possible new prediction: Malone pulls out the boss' heart with his bare hands, and then she puts a bullet through it, just like she promised. One thing's for sure, Malone is giving someone the ol' Mola Ram.
70:44 Is there anyone in this film who doesn't drive a classic car?
72:32 Oh, hey, it's Lady Vaginsu wearing fetish boots. She just dropped Malone with a blow dart to the...shirt collar?
73:13 That's an awful lot of corpses for a theatre.
74:07 This whole scene's pretty weird and fucked up. Matchstick better not still be alive.
74:27 Oh, it's just Slash-gash.
75:51 She's pretty fucking stupid to be taunting him with his dead family like this. He's gonna murder the weird out of her.
76:39 This movie really needs to stick to the archetype characters. These kooky ones suck.
76:43 Oh, snap, headbutt.
76:58 No! No! That fucker's head got set on fucking fire! Fuck you, man! God fucking dammit....
78:16 Headbutt him, too; he's a fucking burn victim.
79:21 Matchstick, besides being a terrible character, is also incredibly stupid. He just poured a bunch of kerosene all over Malone, including in his mouth. Now, he's going to pull out his Zippo and hold it between their faces. Can anyone see where this is going?
79:40 As much as I dislike Matchstick, at least he allowed for a movie to have the same character's head set on fire twice.
80:15 Vaginsu just got impaled, and Matchstick is still screaming in the background as he burns to death.
80:53 Addendum - set on fire twice, then shot.
84:14 The elephant is his kid's toy, in case you remembered or cared.
85:47 Oh, his dead family's not dead. That's actually an unexpected twist.
86:06 Whoa, the Spanish chick just got it square in the forehead!
87:24 The plot of this movie, such as it is, really sucks, but I don't know if I mind.
88:06 No, don't shoot him, Malone, tear his fucking heart out and eat it!
88:57 You can't even do me one favor, can you, Malone?
91:20 That was actually some really nuanced acting from Thomas Jane.
92:02 Let's be honest here, guys. This movie is not “To Be Continued...”.