Lost in Translation - сравнительный анализ переводов "Улисса" (in English) pt2
The Ukrainian translation of the same passage seems to be closer to what Joyce says (for example: even white teeth - рівні білі зуби), with some of the comments (Златоуст) made in connection with the Russian translation still applicable.
(p.3)
p. 5
He peered sideways up and gave a long low whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm.
Він позирнув скоса вгору і заклично засвистів тривалим свистом, тоді завмер, пильно дослухаючись, а його рівні білі зуби яскріли золотими блискітками. Златоуст. І в тиші на відповідь йому пролунали дві пронизливі свистки.
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(pp 4-7)
Things highlighted in blue indicate words or phrases that would require special attention in translation
Pp. 7 -10
Things highlighted in red indicate words or phrases that indicate deviations from the original
Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily.
- Scutter, he cried thickly.
He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen’s upper pocket, said,
- Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor.
Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razor neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:
- The bard’s noserag. A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste, can’t you?
He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.
… the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale.
Isn’t the what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. Epi oinopa pontoon. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks.
Бык Маллиган глядел, насупясь на бритву, покрытую мыльной пеной. Соскочив со своего возвышения, он торопливо стал рыться в караманах брюк.
- Драла! - пробормотал он сквозь зубы.
Вернувшись к площадке, он запустил руку в верхний карман Стивена и сказал:
- Позвольте одолжиться вашим сморкальником, вытереть нашу бритву.
Стивен покорно дал ему вытащить и развернуть напоказ, держа за угол, измятый и нечистый платок. Бык Маллиган аккуратно вытер лезвие. Вслед за этим, разглядывая платок, он объявил:
- Сморкальник барда. Новый оттенок в палитру ирландского стихотворца: сопливо-зеленый. Почти ощущаешь вкус, правда?
Он снова поднялся к парапету и бросил долгий взгляд на залив. Ветерок шевелил белокурую, под светлый дуб, шевелюру.
.... тупая оконечность мыса Брэй-Хед покоилась на воде, словно голова спящего кита.
Как верно названо море у Элджи: седая нежная мать. Сопливо-зеленое море. Яйцещемящее море. Эти ойнопа понтон [по винноцветному морю]. Ах эти греки, Дедал.
Buck Mulligan - buck offers many meanings but the one which evidently fits this is, according to OED, is: the male of a goat, deer, etc. (from Old English). A dashing fellow, a dandy (1725) - but no bull, no Бык which was apparently chosen by the Russian translators for its similarity in sound to the English Buck. The Ukrainian translation - Красень - is probably closer to Joyce’s meaning - would it not be better to say Бак with a footnote or endnote of which there are anyway many?
- Scutter, he cried thickly. -Драла! - пробормотал он сквозь зубы. -
This “scutter” does present a sort of a problem. The context suggests that Mulligan fails to find a handkerchief in his pockets that must have been there but is gone and whatever Joyce wanted to say, the word does require a special treatment - and it sort of does get it in the Russian translation - Драла!
But would someone like Mulligan use a word like this describing the disappearance of his handkerchief?
And is it used properly in the Russian text?
Толковый словарь русского языка. Том 1. Москва, 1935 г.:
«Драла - в значении сказуемого (прстореч., вульг.) Убежал, удрал. Не дождавштсь конца заседания, он схватил шапку и драла. (“дать драла”).»
The Ukrainian translation is less inventive: - Щез! - зрештою буркнув він.
Scutter: Eric Partridge, in his monumental A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English (Colloquialisms and Catch-phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames and such Americanisms as have been naturalized), in Two Volumes, says about scutter:
To go hastily and fussily or excitedly or timorously; coll. and dial; from circa 1780. Partridge’s reference is to OED, which says:
“ intr.
To go hastily with much fuss and bustle, as from excitement or timidity. Also fig.
1781 in Mrs. Delany's Corr. Ser. ii. (1862) III. 44 She staid abt 24 hours, then scutter'd away to Badminton. 1862 Mrs. H. Wood Mrs. Hallib. xxvii, The men scuttered down the stairs. 1892 Kipling Life's Handicap 160 A whirling dust-devil would scutter across the plain for a couple of miles. 1892 J. Barlow Irish Idylls iv. 102 She scuttered off towards her dwelling. 1916 A. Bennett Lion's Share xvii. 128 Miss Ingate scuttered to Audrey. ‘Well,’ she whispered. ‘Here I am.’ 1920 Wodehouse Jill the Reckless (1922) xxi. 313 All these people. Scuttering about and thinking they know all there is to know. 1934 E. Pound ABC of Reading ii. 99 Inferior passages where he+has+scuttered over less interesting matter. 1947 A. Ransome Great Northern? vi. 82 A family of baby water-hens scuttered across. 1948 L. MacNeice Holes in Sky 38 A pebble Scutters from under the wheel. 1972 R. Adams Watership Down viii. 28 They watched him shake a shower of drops out of his fur and scutter into the alder bushes.
Scutter, noun
An act of ‘scuttering’; a hasty, scrambling, noisy rush.
1826 J. Wilson Noct. Ambr. Wks. 1855 I. 238 Ilka half~hour there was a toutin o' horns lang tin anes, I'm sure, frae the scutter o' broken-winded soun. 1847 E. Brontл Wuthering Heights xiii. (1850) 127 The dog's endeavour to avoid him was unsuccessful; as I guessed by a scutter down stairs, and a prolonged piteous yelping. 1935 E. Pound Let. 23 May (1971) 274 The turn of the wave and the scutter of receding pebbles. 1961 H. R. F. Keating Rush on Ultimate i. 9 Clearly visible from their moderate height the violent scutter of human activity-figures running up and down on the beach in short sharp bursts. 1980 Times 16 Jan. 14/8 The Anglo-Egyptian treaty was settled up in 1936 in a sort of scutter.”
So the word had a status of being colloquial or dialectical -Mulligan uses this word to suggest the disappearance of his own handkerchief as an act of the handkerchief’s voluntary act of running away- his noserag retired in an unknown direction “with much fuss and bustle, as from excitement or timidity”?
All of the examples and explanations suggest humans who scutter - not inanimate objects but it is almost a common place to give inanimate objects “life” and make them behave like animate things.
But why “scutter” is not used in the past - “scuttered”?
So to attempt to stay true to Joyce the translators would do good if they had tried to find a a colloquial word, obsolete, rather unusual, for expressing in idea of something that is needed, annoyingly disappear.
I do not think such a word which meet such requirements can be found in the Slavic stock or words with being a good approximation.
… he cried thickly - But both translations treat “he cried thickly” in a rather peculiar manner - пробормотал он сквозь зубы or - зрештою буркнув він;
Thickly - to cry thickly apparently means to cry in a thick voice, and thick as applied to voice is exoalined by the 3rd Webster international as “4a: marked by huskiness or hoarseness; imperfectly articulated, indistinct, guttural, muffled, rough.”
OED: [thick] Of a voice, etc.: Not clear; hoarse, husky, indistinct, inarticulate; also: of low pitch; deep; guttural; throaty. Late ME.
He cried - not пробормотал and rather more Joycean буркнув; unfortunately, the Ukrainian translation adds a word - зрештою - which is not to be found in the original - and it does this sort of expanding of the text in several instances in the parts of the text which I looked through (but which are not represented in the samples presented in this essay) - I find such practice reprehensible and totally inadmissible in translating an author such as Joyce.
Ветерок шевелил белокурую, под светлый дуб, шевелюру -his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly. - No Ветерок in Joyce - once again: the translators have no right either to add something to Joyce or delete something from the Joycean text - if Joyce wanted to say “gentle wind” he would have done so.
Вернувшись к площадке - the gunrest
Gunrest: “ A raised circular platform in the center of the tower’s flat roof, once used as a swivel-gun mount” (Ulysses Annotated).
This small word does present a little problem - “платформа” or “площадка” in translation may be quite misleading. Maybe there is a technical military term in Russian /Ukrainian?
Сморкальником - noserag in Russian seems to be a good choice but носовик is a poor substitute in Ukrainian.
разглядывая платок - gazing over the handkerchief - розглядаючи хустку - gazing over could be both examining something and looking above something
Новый оттенок в палитру ирландского стихотворца - A new art colour for our Irish poets:snotgreen. - Він додає нової барви в кольори нашої ірландської поезії - in the English text there is no палитру and there is no поезії - and what happened with art colour or with our?
.... тупая оконечность мыса Брэй-Хед покоилась на воде, словно голова спящего кита.-
… the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale.
Задивившись туди, де тупий носяра мису Брей-Хед спочивав на воді, мов морда заснулого кита.
Носяра - a very unfortunate choice of the Ukrainian translators! Not only because it’s an ugly, low-colloquial word but because it’s a word hardly applicable to a whale!
Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. Epi oinopa pontoon. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks.
Сопливо-зеленое море. Яйцещемящее море
Сопливо-зелено море. Мошонкопідтягуюче море
The scrotumtightening is apparently because when a man finds himself in the cold water his scrotum usually tightens and his penis shrinks.
Both Мошонкопідтягуюче and Яйцещемящее (ballspinching in back translation is not Scrotumtightening) look very wrong but to say simply “холодное” is not enough - inventiveness and skills of an accomplished wordsmith are needed.
Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. - Эті ойнопа понтон. Греки це греки - Эти ойнопа понтон [по винноцветному морю]. Ах эти греки, Дедал. - the Russian translation of the Greek phrase begins with “Эти” which reads at first not like a Greek word but as the Russian word “Эти” indicating “these.”
Algy - Элджи - Алджі - the reference is to “Algernon Charles Swinburn (1837-1909) in “The Triumph of Time”… “I will go back to the great sweet mother/Mother and lover of men, the sea…” (Ulysses Annotated).
Both the Russian and Ukrainian translation provide a comment in the endnotes - but Joyce does not do it!
Al in algae, algebra, algicide are pronounced as [æl…] - so it should be Элджи rather than Алджі but the traditional spelling is Алджернон Чарлз Суинборн - so which spelling should be preferred?
And can the Slavic reader feel the familiarity of addressing Algernon Swinburn as Algy - be it Элджи or Алджі ? the way an English reader (who knows something of Swinburn) would?
Say, in an English text we find Sashka or Shurik Pushkin as refernce to the Rusian poet Alexander Pushkin - would the English reader feel the degrading familiarity even if the reference is unexplained?
7
Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily.
- Scutter, he cried thickly.
He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen’s upper pocket, said,
- Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor.
Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razor neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:
- The bard’s noserag. A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste, can’t you?
He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.
Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks.
… the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale.
Красень Мулліган насупливо розглядав бритву, вкриту мильною піною. Тоді скочив з підвищення і став квапливо порпатися в кишенях штанів.
- Щез! - зрештою буркнув він.
Підступивши до платформи, він застромив руку в Стівенові верхню кишеню і сказав:
- Дозвольте нам позичити ваш носовик, щоб витерту бритву.
Стівен не заперечував, і Мулліган витягнув та й розгорнув, тримаючи за ріжок зіжмакану несвіжу носову хустку. Він ретельно протер лезо. По тому, розглядаючи хустку, сказав:
Ось носовик барда. Він додає нової барви в кольори нашої ірландської поезії, сопливо-зеленої. Здається, можна відчути на смак, хіба ні?
Він знову став на приступку парапету й обвів поглядом затоку. Його русявий, під колір світлового дуба, чуб ледь ворушився від подиху вітерця.
Адже море саме таке, як його влучно назвав Алджі: лагідна сива мати. Хіба ні? Сопливо-зелено море. Мошонкопідтягуюче море. Эті ойнопа понтон. Греки це греки..
Задивившись туди, де тупий носяра мису Брей-Хед спочивав на воді, мов морда заснулого кита.
Mulligan stares at the lather, not at the razor itself! The Russian translation makes the same mistake.
And another a little but somewhat baffling bit - why does Joyce use this, rather unusual for standard English usage, way of indicating direct speech: - Scutter, he cried thickly. Instead of “Scutter,” [or ‘Scutter,’] he cried thickly. The long dash - and a coma - to make even this it look different from the standard usage?
To figure why would involve some research - who else and where used this kind of identification of the direct speech?
And he uses this direct speech indication consistently wherever direct speech is indicated - and of course there are no punctuation marks in the stream of conscience parts of the book.
The translations under review use no punctuation marks in the stream of conscience parts of the book thus following Joyce’s usage - or rather lack of it - so would not be logical to pay attention to the presence of other nonstandard cases of punctuation?
And does it have to be reflected in some way in translation?
All of the above suggest that even in a more or less “simple” verbal situations taken from the beginning of the novel, translation tends to be either faulty or downright wrong or simply impossible
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(p.138)
p. 145
things highlighted in red indicate either the absence of such words or phrases in the original or deviations from the original
RHYMES AND REASONS
Mouth, south. In the mouth south someway? Of the south a mouth? Must be some. South, pout, out, shout, drouth. Rhymes: two men dressed the same, looking the same, two by
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
He saw them three by three, approaching girls, in green, in rose, in russet, entwining, per l’aer perso in mauve, in purple, quella pacifica oriafiamma, in gold of oriflamme, di rimitar fe piu ardenti. But I old man, penitent, leadenfooted, underdarneath the night: mouth, south: tome, womb.
СКЛАД И ЛАД
Губы, клубы. Губы - это каким-то образом клубы, так, что ли? Или же клубы - это губы? Что-то такое должно было быть. Клубы, тубы, любы, зубы, грубы. Рифмы: два человека, одеты одинаково, по двое, парами.
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
Он видел, как они по трое приближаются, девушки в зеленом, в розовом, в темно-красном, сплетаясь, per l’aer perso in mauve, в лиловом, в пурпурном, di rimitar fe piu ardenti. Но я старик, кающийся, свиноцовоногий, в темнонизу ночи: губы клубы: могила пленила.
That’s the way the quote from Dante’s Divine Comedy looks in the original text - no footnotes, no explanation - the readers should find the meaning all by themselves!
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
129
RHYMES AND REASONS
Mouth, south. In the mouth south someway? Of the south a mouth? Must be some. South, pout, out, shout, drouth. Rhymes: two men dressed the same, looking the same, two by
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
He saw them three by three, approaching girls, in green, in rose, in russet, entwining, per l’aer perso in mauve, in purple, quella pacifica oriafiamma, in gold of oriflamme, di rimitar fe piu ardenti. But I old man, penitent, leadenfooted, underdarneath the night: mouth, south: tome, womb.
Рими і резони
Губи, згуби. Чи губи ведуть себе до згуби? Чи згуби до губ? Певно, можуть якимсь чином. Зуби, куби, труби, зруби, клуби, крупи, груби. Рими: двоє людей одягнених однаково, виглядають однаково, два на два...
Він бачив, як вони, дівчата, наближаючись по троє....
А я старець, каюся, ноги я оливом наліті, у темряві ночі; губи згуби; яма мама.
I do not think these excerpts need any comment - most of what is in them is untranslatable and the only thing the translators could do was to invent similar patterns - but such inventions may reflect the translators’ ingenuity but it’s not translation!
Compared to Joyce’s text, the attempts at translation look like rather miserable failures -
leadenfooted, underdarneath the night: mouth, south: tome, womb.- ноги я оливом наліті, у темряві ночі; губи згуби; яма мама. - кающийся, свиноцовоногий, в темнонизу ночи: губы клубы: могила пленила.
There is something very pathetic in these futile attempts.
Besides, But I old man, penitent of the original could also mean the person who says these things in his head, may mean not himself as “old man, but the person he addresses in his thoughts - or in reality?
You never know with Joyce.
(p.3)
p. 5
He peered sideways up and gave a long low whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm.
Він позирнув скоса вгору і заклично засвистів тривалим свистом, тоді завмер, пильно дослухаючись, а його рівні білі зуби яскріли золотими блискітками. Златоуст. І в тиші на відповідь йому пролунали дві пронизливі свистки.
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(pp 4-7)
Things highlighted in blue indicate words or phrases that would require special attention in translation
Pp. 7 -10
Things highlighted in red indicate words or phrases that indicate deviations from the original
Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily.
- Scutter, he cried thickly.
He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen’s upper pocket, said,
- Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor.
Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razor neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:
- The bard’s noserag. A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste, can’t you?
He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.
… the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale.
Isn’t the what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. Epi oinopa pontoon. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks.
Бык Маллиган глядел, насупясь на бритву, покрытую мыльной пеной. Соскочив со своего возвышения, он торопливо стал рыться в караманах брюк.
- Драла! - пробормотал он сквозь зубы.
Вернувшись к площадке, он запустил руку в верхний карман Стивена и сказал:
- Позвольте одолжиться вашим сморкальником, вытереть нашу бритву.
Стивен покорно дал ему вытащить и развернуть напоказ, держа за угол, измятый и нечистый платок. Бык Маллиган аккуратно вытер лезвие. Вслед за этим, разглядывая платок, он объявил:
- Сморкальник барда. Новый оттенок в палитру ирландского стихотворца: сопливо-зеленый. Почти ощущаешь вкус, правда?
Он снова поднялся к парапету и бросил долгий взгляд на залив. Ветерок шевелил белокурую, под светлый дуб, шевелюру.
.... тупая оконечность мыса Брэй-Хед покоилась на воде, словно голова спящего кита.
Как верно названо море у Элджи: седая нежная мать. Сопливо-зеленое море. Яйцещемящее море. Эти ойнопа понтон [по винноцветному морю]. Ах эти греки, Дедал.
Buck Mulligan - buck offers many meanings but the one which evidently fits this is, according to OED, is: the male of a goat, deer, etc. (from Old English). A dashing fellow, a dandy (1725) - but no bull, no Бык which was apparently chosen by the Russian translators for its similarity in sound to the English Buck. The Ukrainian translation - Красень - is probably closer to Joyce’s meaning - would it not be better to say Бак with a footnote or endnote of which there are anyway many?
- Scutter, he cried thickly. -Драла! - пробормотал он сквозь зубы. -
This “scutter” does present a sort of a problem. The context suggests that Mulligan fails to find a handkerchief in his pockets that must have been there but is gone and whatever Joyce wanted to say, the word does require a special treatment - and it sort of does get it in the Russian translation - Драла!
But would someone like Mulligan use a word like this describing the disappearance of his handkerchief?
And is it used properly in the Russian text?
Толковый словарь русского языка. Том 1. Москва, 1935 г.:
«Драла - в значении сказуемого (прстореч., вульг.) Убежал, удрал. Не дождавштсь конца заседания, он схватил шапку и драла. (“дать драла”).»
The Ukrainian translation is less inventive: - Щез! - зрештою буркнув він.
Scutter: Eric Partridge, in his monumental A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English (Colloquialisms and Catch-phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames and such Americanisms as have been naturalized), in Two Volumes, says about scutter:
To go hastily and fussily or excitedly or timorously; coll. and dial; from circa 1780. Partridge’s reference is to OED, which says:
“ intr.
To go hastily with much fuss and bustle, as from excitement or timidity. Also fig.
1781 in Mrs. Delany's Corr. Ser. ii. (1862) III. 44 She staid abt 24 hours, then scutter'd away to Badminton. 1862 Mrs. H. Wood Mrs. Hallib. xxvii, The men scuttered down the stairs. 1892 Kipling Life's Handicap 160 A whirling dust-devil would scutter across the plain for a couple of miles. 1892 J. Barlow Irish Idylls iv. 102 She scuttered off towards her dwelling. 1916 A. Bennett Lion's Share xvii. 128 Miss Ingate scuttered to Audrey. ‘Well,’ she whispered. ‘Here I am.’ 1920 Wodehouse Jill the Reckless (1922) xxi. 313 All these people. Scuttering about and thinking they know all there is to know. 1934 E. Pound ABC of Reading ii. 99 Inferior passages where he+has+scuttered over less interesting matter. 1947 A. Ransome Great Northern? vi. 82 A family of baby water-hens scuttered across. 1948 L. MacNeice Holes in Sky 38 A pebble Scutters from under the wheel. 1972 R. Adams Watership Down viii. 28 They watched him shake a shower of drops out of his fur and scutter into the alder bushes.
Scutter, noun
An act of ‘scuttering’; a hasty, scrambling, noisy rush.
1826 J. Wilson Noct. Ambr. Wks. 1855 I. 238 Ilka half~hour there was a toutin o' horns lang tin anes, I'm sure, frae the scutter o' broken-winded soun. 1847 E. Brontл Wuthering Heights xiii. (1850) 127 The dog's endeavour to avoid him was unsuccessful; as I guessed by a scutter down stairs, and a prolonged piteous yelping. 1935 E. Pound Let. 23 May (1971) 274 The turn of the wave and the scutter of receding pebbles. 1961 H. R. F. Keating Rush on Ultimate i. 9 Clearly visible from their moderate height the violent scutter of human activity-figures running up and down on the beach in short sharp bursts. 1980 Times 16 Jan. 14/8 The Anglo-Egyptian treaty was settled up in 1936 in a sort of scutter.”
So the word had a status of being colloquial or dialectical -Mulligan uses this word to suggest the disappearance of his own handkerchief as an act of the handkerchief’s voluntary act of running away- his noserag retired in an unknown direction “with much fuss and bustle, as from excitement or timidity”?
All of the examples and explanations suggest humans who scutter - not inanimate objects but it is almost a common place to give inanimate objects “life” and make them behave like animate things.
But why “scutter” is not used in the past - “scuttered”?
So to attempt to stay true to Joyce the translators would do good if they had tried to find a a colloquial word, obsolete, rather unusual, for expressing in idea of something that is needed, annoyingly disappear.
I do not think such a word which meet such requirements can be found in the Slavic stock or words with being a good approximation.
… he cried thickly - But both translations treat “he cried thickly” in a rather peculiar manner - пробормотал он сквозь зубы or - зрештою буркнув він;
Thickly - to cry thickly apparently means to cry in a thick voice, and thick as applied to voice is exoalined by the 3rd Webster international as “4a: marked by huskiness or hoarseness; imperfectly articulated, indistinct, guttural, muffled, rough.”
OED: [thick] Of a voice, etc.: Not clear; hoarse, husky, indistinct, inarticulate; also: of low pitch; deep; guttural; throaty. Late ME.
He cried - not пробормотал and rather more Joycean буркнув; unfortunately, the Ukrainian translation adds a word - зрештою - which is not to be found in the original - and it does this sort of expanding of the text in several instances in the parts of the text which I looked through (but which are not represented in the samples presented in this essay) - I find such practice reprehensible and totally inadmissible in translating an author such as Joyce.
Ветерок шевелил белокурую, под светлый дуб, шевелюру -his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly. - No Ветерок in Joyce - once again: the translators have no right either to add something to Joyce or delete something from the Joycean text - if Joyce wanted to say “gentle wind” he would have done so.
Вернувшись к площадке - the gunrest
Gunrest: “ A raised circular platform in the center of the tower’s flat roof, once used as a swivel-gun mount” (Ulysses Annotated).
This small word does present a little problem - “платформа” or “площадка” in translation may be quite misleading. Maybe there is a technical military term in Russian /Ukrainian?
Сморкальником - noserag in Russian seems to be a good choice but носовик is a poor substitute in Ukrainian.
разглядывая платок - gazing over the handkerchief - розглядаючи хустку - gazing over could be both examining something and looking above something
Новый оттенок в палитру ирландского стихотворца - A new art colour for our Irish poets:snotgreen. - Він додає нової барви в кольори нашої ірландської поезії - in the English text there is no палитру and there is no поезії - and what happened with art colour or with our?
.... тупая оконечность мыса Брэй-Хед покоилась на воде, словно голова спящего кита.-
… the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale.
Задивившись туди, де тупий носяра мису Брей-Хед спочивав на воді, мов морда заснулого кита.
Носяра - a very unfortunate choice of the Ukrainian translators! Not only because it’s an ugly, low-colloquial word but because it’s a word hardly applicable to a whale!
Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. Epi oinopa pontoon. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks.
Сопливо-зеленое море. Яйцещемящее море
Сопливо-зелено море. Мошонкопідтягуюче море
The scrotumtightening is apparently because when a man finds himself in the cold water his scrotum usually tightens and his penis shrinks.
Both Мошонкопідтягуюче and Яйцещемящее (ballspinching in back translation is not Scrotumtightening) look very wrong but to say simply “холодное” is not enough - inventiveness and skills of an accomplished wordsmith are needed.
Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks. - Эті ойнопа понтон. Греки це греки - Эти ойнопа понтон [по винноцветному морю]. Ах эти греки, Дедал. - the Russian translation of the Greek phrase begins with “Эти” which reads at first not like a Greek word but as the Russian word “Эти” indicating “these.”
Algy - Элджи - Алджі - the reference is to “Algernon Charles Swinburn (1837-1909) in “The Triumph of Time”… “I will go back to the great sweet mother/Mother and lover of men, the sea…” (Ulysses Annotated).
Both the Russian and Ukrainian translation provide a comment in the endnotes - but Joyce does not do it!
Al in algae, algebra, algicide are pronounced as [æl…] - so it should be Элджи rather than Алджі but the traditional spelling is Алджернон Чарлз Суинборн - so which spelling should be preferred?
And can the Slavic reader feel the familiarity of addressing Algernon Swinburn as Algy - be it Элджи or Алджі ? the way an English reader (who knows something of Swinburn) would?
Say, in an English text we find Sashka or Shurik Pushkin as refernce to the Rusian poet Alexander Pushkin - would the English reader feel the degrading familiarity even if the reference is unexplained?
7
Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily.
- Scutter, he cried thickly.
He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen’s upper pocket, said,
- Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor.
Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razor neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:
- The bard’s noserag. A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste, can’t you?
He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.
Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks.
… the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale.
Красень Мулліган насупливо розглядав бритву, вкриту мильною піною. Тоді скочив з підвищення і став квапливо порпатися в кишенях штанів.
- Щез! - зрештою буркнув він.
Підступивши до платформи, він застромив руку в Стівенові верхню кишеню і сказав:
- Дозвольте нам позичити ваш носовик, щоб витерту бритву.
Стівен не заперечував, і Мулліган витягнув та й розгорнув, тримаючи за ріжок зіжмакану несвіжу носову хустку. Він ретельно протер лезо. По тому, розглядаючи хустку, сказав:
Ось носовик барда. Він додає нової барви в кольори нашої ірландської поезії, сопливо-зеленої. Здається, можна відчути на смак, хіба ні?
Він знову став на приступку парапету й обвів поглядом затоку. Його русявий, під колір світлового дуба, чуб ледь ворушився від подиху вітерця.
Адже море саме таке, як його влучно назвав Алджі: лагідна сива мати. Хіба ні? Сопливо-зелено море. Мошонкопідтягуюче море. Эті ойнопа понтон. Греки це греки..
Задивившись туди, де тупий носяра мису Брей-Хед спочивав на воді, мов морда заснулого кита.
Mulligan stares at the lather, not at the razor itself! The Russian translation makes the same mistake.
And another a little but somewhat baffling bit - why does Joyce use this, rather unusual for standard English usage, way of indicating direct speech: - Scutter, he cried thickly. Instead of “Scutter,” [or ‘Scutter,’] he cried thickly. The long dash - and a coma - to make even this it look different from the standard usage?
To figure why would involve some research - who else and where used this kind of identification of the direct speech?
And he uses this direct speech indication consistently wherever direct speech is indicated - and of course there are no punctuation marks in the stream of conscience parts of the book.
The translations under review use no punctuation marks in the stream of conscience parts of the book thus following Joyce’s usage - or rather lack of it - so would not be logical to pay attention to the presence of other nonstandard cases of punctuation?
And does it have to be reflected in some way in translation?
All of the above suggest that even in a more or less “simple” verbal situations taken from the beginning of the novel, translation tends to be either faulty or downright wrong or simply impossible
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
(p.138)
p. 145
things highlighted in red indicate either the absence of such words or phrases in the original or deviations from the original
RHYMES AND REASONS
Mouth, south. In the mouth south someway? Of the south a mouth? Must be some. South, pout, out, shout, drouth. Rhymes: two men dressed the same, looking the same, two by
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
He saw them three by three, approaching girls, in green, in rose, in russet, entwining, per l’aer perso in mauve, in purple, quella pacifica oriafiamma, in gold of oriflamme, di rimitar fe piu ardenti. But I old man, penitent, leadenfooted, underdarneath the night: mouth, south: tome, womb.
СКЛАД И ЛАД
Губы, клубы. Губы - это каким-то образом клубы, так, что ли? Или же клубы - это губы? Что-то такое должно было быть. Клубы, тубы, любы, зубы, грубы. Рифмы: два человека, одеты одинаково, по двое, парами.
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
Он видел, как они по трое приближаются, девушки в зеленом, в розовом, в темно-красном, сплетаясь, per l’aer perso in mauve, в лиловом, в пурпурном, di rimitar fe piu ardenti. Но я старик, кающийся, свиноцовоногий, в темнонизу ночи: губы клубы: могила пленила.
That’s the way the quote from Dante’s Divine Comedy looks in the original text - no footnotes, no explanation - the readers should find the meaning all by themselves!
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
129
RHYMES AND REASONS
Mouth, south. In the mouth south someway? Of the south a mouth? Must be some. South, pout, out, shout, drouth. Rhymes: two men dressed the same, looking the same, two by
………………………………………………………………….la tua pace
……………………………………………………………che parlar ti piace
………………………………….........mentreche il ventto, come fa, sa tace
He saw them three by three, approaching girls, in green, in rose, in russet, entwining, per l’aer perso in mauve, in purple, quella pacifica oriafiamma, in gold of oriflamme, di rimitar fe piu ardenti. But I old man, penitent, leadenfooted, underdarneath the night: mouth, south: tome, womb.
Рими і резони
Губи, згуби. Чи губи ведуть себе до згуби? Чи згуби до губ? Певно, можуть якимсь чином. Зуби, куби, труби, зруби, клуби, крупи, груби. Рими: двоє людей одягнених однаково, виглядають однаково, два на два...
Він бачив, як вони, дівчата, наближаючись по троє....
А я старець, каюся, ноги я оливом наліті, у темряві ночі; губи згуби; яма мама.
I do not think these excerpts need any comment - most of what is in them is untranslatable and the only thing the translators could do was to invent similar patterns - but such inventions may reflect the translators’ ingenuity but it’s not translation!
Compared to Joyce’s text, the attempts at translation look like rather miserable failures -
leadenfooted, underdarneath the night: mouth, south: tome, womb.- ноги я оливом наліті, у темряві ночі; губи згуби; яма мама. - кающийся, свиноцовоногий, в темнонизу ночи: губы клубы: могила пленила.
There is something very pathetic in these futile attempts.
Besides, But I old man, penitent of the original could also mean the person who says these things in his head, may mean not himself as “old man, but the person he addresses in his thoughts - or in reality?
You never know with Joyce.