(no subject)
From reading other LJs over the last little while i have come to understand that LJ is a decent spot to bitch about life. I do not intend to make this the focus of my LJ but it might verywell become the focus be default. Cause, well, why not? And it's a good release of inner tension without the downside of makeing people "listen" to you bitch about life. Cause you, being at your computer, can stop reading at any time you like, and i, not being at your computer, can not see you. So because of this i have no way of being offended by you turning a deaf ear (or blind eye in this case) to my rant.
That being said, i hate what has become of my life lately. University started a few months ago and I'm already feeling that i want the "good 'ol days" if u want verification that ive been unhappy about this change in lifestyle, u can ask matt, cause he was listening to me bitch about it without the benifit of the options stated above.
Things just seem to be happening that aren't good. I sit at my computer and i intend to do the massive ammount of homework that i have due in the near future, at this point it is up to about 80pages of papers due by the 9th, and end up wasting a ridiculous ammount of time instead and getting very little done. The commute is terrible, my parents keep telling me how it would be nice if i got involved in extra curriculars at school, but if i do that my options are either i just stay downtown ALL the time, which doesnt make sense cause if have work to do or i can come home and go back for extra curriculars but then i waste 2hours of my day commuting time. So that option sucks too. It just seems like all this energy is being spent on very little being accompished. Things just seem so lacking right now.
I went into university declaring Poli Sci. There is NO way I'm going into Poli Sci. I dont see myself doing that for the next 4 years at all. Right now history looks like the best option. History makes sense, theres some stability to it. It already happened, we've had time to reflect. Poli Sci is like history on speed. Its everything that will be in a history course in 10 years plus a shitload more that we cant decipher as insignificant cause its all happening right now. The other problem with Poli Sci is that sooo many people who want to go into it don't care about history at all. They think everything is here and now and don't realise that so much of what is happening now is built on the past. I think I'll get a better understanding of what Poli Sci is trying to teach by taking history.
But school aside, there are so many things that i want to be doing that i just cant find time for right now, and i know im wasting a lot of time but i dont count that as time i could be using for other things cause if i werent wasting my work time id still be spending just as much time on work. My work would just be better quality and less of bullshit that it ends up being when i blast it out at the last minute. Ever since my band with mike broke up and he moved to ottawa I've been wanting to start a new band. But not just a band. The bar was set high with that band and i want to reach that again. I dont care about success musically, i just want a group of people that i can jam with and write stuff with where theres good chemistry. Unfortunatly that seems really hard to find. I also started writing some scripts a few months ago that i haven't worked on at all lately. I miss making movies soo much. I need to start doing it again. I keep thinking i want to be a lawyer but then i picture myself in this office everyday and i feel sick, like i actually feel sick. I dont think i can do that everyday, it would kill me inside. Then i think of making movies, and i never feel like i really loved it the same way other people do but it the only thing i can see myself doing and maintaining sanity right now. Some people do it like its the air they breathe, its not like that for me, but i like it, its a good way to get ideas out. Good way to tell a story but you get the visual beauty of it to, not that you dont get that in books but its different, cause thats all in your head.
What possesses us to put this all out on the web for everyone to see?, cause i dont have a fucking clue. I dont think its a desire to be heard cause people listen to me now, i have friends for that. I dunno why im doing this.....now ive got a headache
That being said, i hate what has become of my life lately. University started a few months ago and I'm already feeling that i want the "good 'ol days" if u want verification that ive been unhappy about this change in lifestyle, u can ask matt, cause he was listening to me bitch about it without the benifit of the options stated above.
Things just seem to be happening that aren't good. I sit at my computer and i intend to do the massive ammount of homework that i have due in the near future, at this point it is up to about 80pages of papers due by the 9th, and end up wasting a ridiculous ammount of time instead and getting very little done. The commute is terrible, my parents keep telling me how it would be nice if i got involved in extra curriculars at school, but if i do that my options are either i just stay downtown ALL the time, which doesnt make sense cause if have work to do or i can come home and go back for extra curriculars but then i waste 2hours of my day commuting time. So that option sucks too. It just seems like all this energy is being spent on very little being accompished. Things just seem so lacking right now.
I went into university declaring Poli Sci. There is NO way I'm going into Poli Sci. I dont see myself doing that for the next 4 years at all. Right now history looks like the best option. History makes sense, theres some stability to it. It already happened, we've had time to reflect. Poli Sci is like history on speed. Its everything that will be in a history course in 10 years plus a shitload more that we cant decipher as insignificant cause its all happening right now. The other problem with Poli Sci is that sooo many people who want to go into it don't care about history at all. They think everything is here and now and don't realise that so much of what is happening now is built on the past. I think I'll get a better understanding of what Poli Sci is trying to teach by taking history.
But school aside, there are so many things that i want to be doing that i just cant find time for right now, and i know im wasting a lot of time but i dont count that as time i could be using for other things cause if i werent wasting my work time id still be spending just as much time on work. My work would just be better quality and less of bullshit that it ends up being when i blast it out at the last minute. Ever since my band with mike broke up and he moved to ottawa I've been wanting to start a new band. But not just a band. The bar was set high with that band and i want to reach that again. I dont care about success musically, i just want a group of people that i can jam with and write stuff with where theres good chemistry. Unfortunatly that seems really hard to find. I also started writing some scripts a few months ago that i haven't worked on at all lately. I miss making movies soo much. I need to start doing it again. I keep thinking i want to be a lawyer but then i picture myself in this office everyday and i feel sick, like i actually feel sick. I dont think i can do that everyday, it would kill me inside. Then i think of making movies, and i never feel like i really loved it the same way other people do but it the only thing i can see myself doing and maintaining sanity right now. Some people do it like its the air they breathe, its not like that for me, but i like it, its a good way to get ideas out. Good way to tell a story but you get the visual beauty of it to, not that you dont get that in books but its different, cause thats all in your head.
What possesses us to put this all out on the web for everyone to see?, cause i dont have a fucking clue. I dont think its a desire to be heard cause people listen to me now, i have friends for that. I dunno why im doing this.....now ive got a headache