& i cant stop the way im feelin if i wanted to
life:
--> my life is falling apart... i have dug a whole so big i cant get out of i.. i feel trapped i dont know what to do.. school is kicking my ass.. it got to the point where i just stopped going.. and now i cant get my TEA form.. so i cant go get my liscense.. until who knows wen.. my mom suggested that i drop out and start over next year.. idk.. i dont wanna drop out.. the way i have been "acting" lately.. is jeopordizing my mom and her boyfriends relationship.. "he cant take it anymore" but idk.. my moms kinda giving up on me.. if i could go back to the first time i ever smoked.. did a drug.. drank.. or skipped. id go back and i wouldnt do it..
--> when i dream.. i dream about him.. when i wake up im thinking about him.. when i go to bed hes all i think about.. all day long i think about him and what hes doing.. i cant get him off mymind.. and that kills me inside... i fell in love with the wrong person.. and i want to so badly just go back to the first time i met him.. and just.. not talk to him at all.. and none of this now would mean a thing.. i wish he knew how in love i am with him.. and how much i would give up to be with him.. i wish hed just forget about everyone and we could be together.. just us.. no one else matters.. id give the world to be with him. id never do anything to hurt him.. or make him feel unimportant. he means so much to me.. and i hate that. i hate him sooo much.. i hate that i love him so much more then i hate him.. hes hopeless. i try to tell myself "get over him.. ur waisting ur damn time. hes a jerk. hes nothing.. hell never grow up" and even tho its all true.. it doesnt change the way i feel.. hes not everything i want in a guy.. hes not mr.right or anything close. but with him i dont care. for the past week ive been trying to distance myself.. maybe not talking to him for a while.. hed maybe realize how good of a friend i am. and how much im there for him. and how much i care.. so ive been 'mad' lately. and not talking to him.. but the past week has been the worst week of my life.. ive felt empty and depressed.. i dont want company. i dont like going out. i just want to be alone. by myself.. what DO you do when the one person who made u cry is the one person who can make u stop? not talking to him and knowing that i shouldnt just makes me sit here and think about him more and more and moreeeeee.. i hate this. he'll call. and my heart will jump.. and ill answer it and he'll ask for my brother.. and i stop there and i search for the words inside my head but they never make it out fast enough.. i dont know what to say or how to talk to him.. so i give my brother the fone.. i give my brother one of the few times ive had to talk to him this week.. and there i am left alone again. just thinking about him.. if i could go back to the first time i layed with him i would.. in a heart beat .. i thought i could be tight about what we decided to do.. but i was too in love with him in the first place.. it was stupid of me to fall for all his bullshit. why do i love him so much? hes just a boy.. a boy who spits mad game.. will make u feel like u come b4 any other girl.. who can make u feel unbelievable in and out of the bedroom and if it wernt for all the other ppl were surrounded by we would be together.. im just tired of this. i just wanna be happy wiht this guy.. i wanna be that girl that he needs.. that he wnats. im too late.. i could spend the rest of my life with him.. but knowing that. and then knowing that it will never happen.. kills me. i just wanna grow up already and look back and laugh at this guy and laugh at me for being so damn ignorant and whipped. while hes looking back realizing what he missed out on and by then i wont care anymore and itll be to late for him.
i just want what everyone wants? i want someone to cuddle with.. to hold. to talk to .. *to talk dirty to*.. to love. to be with. i just want a -us-... whys it so hard? im so lost.....
i dont know what i did to deserve so little in life.. i just wanna be happy..
i dont wanna wait til im 27
--> my life is falling apart... i have dug a whole so big i cant get out of i.. i feel trapped i dont know what to do.. school is kicking my ass.. it got to the point where i just stopped going.. and now i cant get my TEA form.. so i cant go get my liscense.. until who knows wen.. my mom suggested that i drop out and start over next year.. idk.. i dont wanna drop out.. the way i have been "acting" lately.. is jeopordizing my mom and her boyfriends relationship.. "he cant take it anymore" but idk.. my moms kinda giving up on me.. if i could go back to the first time i ever smoked.. did a drug.. drank.. or skipped. id go back and i wouldnt do it..
--> when i dream.. i dream about him.. when i wake up im thinking about him.. when i go to bed hes all i think about.. all day long i think about him and what hes doing.. i cant get him off mymind.. and that kills me inside... i fell in love with the wrong person.. and i want to so badly just go back to the first time i met him.. and just.. not talk to him at all.. and none of this now would mean a thing.. i wish he knew how in love i am with him.. and how much i would give up to be with him.. i wish hed just forget about everyone and we could be together.. just us.. no one else matters.. id give the world to be with him. id never do anything to hurt him.. or make him feel unimportant. he means so much to me.. and i hate that. i hate him sooo much.. i hate that i love him so much more then i hate him.. hes hopeless. i try to tell myself "get over him.. ur waisting ur damn time. hes a jerk. hes nothing.. hell never grow up" and even tho its all true.. it doesnt change the way i feel.. hes not everything i want in a guy.. hes not mr.right or anything close. but with him i dont care. for the past week ive been trying to distance myself.. maybe not talking to him for a while.. hed maybe realize how good of a friend i am. and how much im there for him. and how much i care.. so ive been 'mad' lately. and not talking to him.. but the past week has been the worst week of my life.. ive felt empty and depressed.. i dont want company. i dont like going out. i just want to be alone. by myself.. what DO you do when the one person who made u cry is the one person who can make u stop? not talking to him and knowing that i shouldnt just makes me sit here and think about him more and more and moreeeeee.. i hate this. he'll call. and my heart will jump.. and ill answer it and he'll ask for my brother.. and i stop there and i search for the words inside my head but they never make it out fast enough.. i dont know what to say or how to talk to him.. so i give my brother the fone.. i give my brother one of the few times ive had to talk to him this week.. and there i am left alone again. just thinking about him.. if i could go back to the first time i layed with him i would.. in a heart beat .. i thought i could be tight about what we decided to do.. but i was too in love with him in the first place.. it was stupid of me to fall for all his bullshit. why do i love him so much? hes just a boy.. a boy who spits mad game.. will make u feel like u come b4 any other girl.. who can make u feel unbelievable in and out of the bedroom and if it wernt for all the other ppl were surrounded by we would be together.. im just tired of this. i just wanna be happy wiht this guy.. i wanna be that girl that he needs.. that he wnats. im too late.. i could spend the rest of my life with him.. but knowing that. and then knowing that it will never happen.. kills me. i just wanna grow up already and look back and laugh at this guy and laugh at me for being so damn ignorant and whipped. while hes looking back realizing what he missed out on and by then i wont care anymore and itll be to late for him.
i just want what everyone wants? i want someone to cuddle with.. to hold. to talk to .. *to talk dirty to*.. to love. to be with. i just want a -us-... whys it so hard? im so lost.....
i dont know what i did to deserve so little in life.. i just wanna be happy..
i dont wanna wait til im 27