Battle of the Stars
Joel's House..... Sarah sits in the living room playing with her Hamster (Skittles, Gus Gus, or Shithead) while Joel is sitting in his room watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. Jimmy, Andrea, and Daniel are on their way over.
(Company arrives and enters living room through front door)
Andrea: Sarah!
Sarah: Andrea!
Jimmy and Daniel: Hey Sarah, where's Joel?
Sarah: back in his room jerking his wang or something stupid probably.
Daniel: I'll go check on him....
Jimmy: You do that bud.... I'm gonna wait here.
(Daniel walks back to Joel's room and enters)
Daniel: Hey Joel, what are you up to?
Joel: Watching Star Trek.
Daniel: (back to living room) Yup, he's busted out the Joel porn. i think he was going to whack it.
(Living room chuckles)
Joel: (stares at Daniel menacingly)
Daniel: What? (puzzled look and shrugs) So Star Trek eh?.... I have always been more of a Star Wars guy myself.
Joel: Yea, well I love the Enterprise
Daniel: I think the Millenium Falcon is the shit.
Joel: Well it doesn't have Captain Picard...
Daniel: Nope... just Han Solo
Joel: What about Beaming......?
Daniel: What about The Force......?
Joel: Sweet Phasers.......
Daniel: Awesome Lightsabers......
Joel: Ass Kicking Klingons.....
Daniel: Dark Sided Sith......
(the two begin to glare at one another)
(back to Jimmy, Andrea, and Sarah)
Andrea: Let me hold Gus Gus!
Sarah: His name is Skittles.
Jimmy: How about just calling him shithead?
Andrea: Jimmy! don't talk about that poor wittle hamster like that, little Gus Gus.
Sarah: Skittles.
Jimmy: Shithead!
Andrea: You know Sarah.... I'm on my period right now....
Sarah: You mean the most enriched blood in the body?
Andrea: Yea, the clumpy stuff that come out of our vaginas...
Jimmy: Oh for fuck's sake.... I get the point... god damnit (calls to Joel and Daniel)
(Jimmy walks back to Joel's room only to find it empty)
Jimmy: where the hell did they go?
Andrea: Is Timothy coming?
Sarah: I don't know, haven't heard from him.
Andrea: yea, he's probably at wing-it poking the waitress.
Sarah: who the hell pokes people to flirt?
Andrea and Sarah: (together) Timothy....
(whole house audio) STAR WARS MOTHERFUCKER!.....
(Jimmy, Andrea, and Sarah run to the front door and look outside to find Daniel wearing his Star Wars Jedi costume with his red lightsaber in hand squaring off with Joel, who has dawned his Star Trek captain's uniform complete with a replica phaser, chasing each other around the yard)
Daniel: I've got a fucking lightsaber!
Joel: Oh yea? well how do you like this phaser to the face? Bitch.
Daniel: I'm about to go Yoda on your ass!
(the two tackle each other to the ground and begin to roll around in a cloud of dust)
Andrea: Boys.... Boys.... come now, are we going to have to seperate you two?
Daniel: He started it! He had that Star Trek shit on the T.V. when I walked in!
Joel: IT'S MY HOUSE! (kicks Daniel in the nuts)
Daniel: (howling with pain on the ground clinching balls)
Jimmy: Has anyone seen my car keys?
(Random man with orange afro runs up and kicks Joel in the balls)
(Joel falls on top of Daniel)
Joel: (howls with pain)
Daniel: (howls in greater pain)
Joel and Daniel: (howl in pain together)
Sarah: God damnit, Jimmy, take the two idiots inside.
(Jimmy starts to escort Andrea and Sarah into the house)
Andrea: (slapping Jimmy) NOT US YOU JACKASS! THEM!
Jimmy: (chauvenist giggle)
(everyone enters the house)
(a few moments later, andrea's phone rings)
Andrea: uh huh.... ok babe, see you in a few.
Jimmy: who was that?
Andrea: Mary, she's on the way.
Jimmy: YES!!!!!! *happy dance* (andrea punches him) OW!
andrea: (turns to Joel and Daniel) you mean to tell me you two are best friends and are fighting about which is cooler, Star Wars or Star Trek?
Daniel: Star Wars!
Joel: Star Trek! (lunges at Daniel to be parried by Sarah)
Andrea: Damnit! That's not what I asked?
(Daniel and Joel cross arms across their chests and turn their backs to each other)
*Knock at the Door* Mary enters....
Everyone: Mary!
(Jimmy walks up to give Mary a hug, to be tripped by Andrea as everyone errupts in laughter and pointing)
Andrea: How did you get here?
Sarah: What the hell is that behind you?
Mary: My shadow.
Everyone: Hey Timothy.
Timothy: *whisper* you need to move so I can say hello to everyone..... Mary.....? Mary.....?
Mary: *ignoring*
Timothy: *pokes Mary twice*
Mary: OK! OK! I'll do whatever you want.....
Everyone: *giggles*
Timothy: Hey everyone! Who's up for some Wing-IT? (holds up wing-it bag)
Jimmy, Joel, Daniel: Shit yea!
Joel: I bet you want some fatty!
Timothy: I've already ate my share.
Joel: I wasn't talking to you, that was intended for Tubbs.
Jimmy: *giggles* and points a Daniel.
Daniel: Fuck yal.... and pass that hot sauce bitches.
Jimmy: That's right... eat it up tubbs.
Daniel: Why don't you shut the hell up? Garth....
(holds up picture comparing Jimmy and Garth from Wayne's World)
*cutaway to jeep* Daniel is in the driver seat wearing a black wayne's world hat and a black t-shirt. Jimmy is in the passenger seat with a flannel plaid shirt and wire rim glasses, with his long blonde hair hanging down. Timothy, Joel and Andrea are sitting in the back seat huddled together.
*Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody cues*
TO BE CONTINUED.
(Company arrives and enters living room through front door)
Andrea: Sarah!
Sarah: Andrea!
Jimmy and Daniel: Hey Sarah, where's Joel?
Sarah: back in his room jerking his wang or something stupid probably.
Daniel: I'll go check on him....
Jimmy: You do that bud.... I'm gonna wait here.
(Daniel walks back to Joel's room and enters)
Daniel: Hey Joel, what are you up to?
Joel: Watching Star Trek.
Daniel: (back to living room) Yup, he's busted out the Joel porn. i think he was going to whack it.
(Living room chuckles)
Joel: (stares at Daniel menacingly)
Daniel: What? (puzzled look and shrugs) So Star Trek eh?.... I have always been more of a Star Wars guy myself.
Joel: Yea, well I love the Enterprise
Daniel: I think the Millenium Falcon is the shit.
Joel: Well it doesn't have Captain Picard...
Daniel: Nope... just Han Solo
Joel: What about Beaming......?
Daniel: What about The Force......?
Joel: Sweet Phasers.......
Daniel: Awesome Lightsabers......
Joel: Ass Kicking Klingons.....
Daniel: Dark Sided Sith......
(the two begin to glare at one another)
(back to Jimmy, Andrea, and Sarah)
Andrea: Let me hold Gus Gus!
Sarah: His name is Skittles.
Jimmy: How about just calling him shithead?
Andrea: Jimmy! don't talk about that poor wittle hamster like that, little Gus Gus.
Sarah: Skittles.
Jimmy: Shithead!
Andrea: You know Sarah.... I'm on my period right now....
Sarah: You mean the most enriched blood in the body?
Andrea: Yea, the clumpy stuff that come out of our vaginas...
Jimmy: Oh for fuck's sake.... I get the point... god damnit (calls to Joel and Daniel)
(Jimmy walks back to Joel's room only to find it empty)
Jimmy: where the hell did they go?
Andrea: Is Timothy coming?
Sarah: I don't know, haven't heard from him.
Andrea: yea, he's probably at wing-it poking the waitress.
Sarah: who the hell pokes people to flirt?
Andrea and Sarah: (together) Timothy....
(whole house audio) STAR WARS MOTHERFUCKER!.....
(Jimmy, Andrea, and Sarah run to the front door and look outside to find Daniel wearing his Star Wars Jedi costume with his red lightsaber in hand squaring off with Joel, who has dawned his Star Trek captain's uniform complete with a replica phaser, chasing each other around the yard)
Daniel: I've got a fucking lightsaber!
Joel: Oh yea? well how do you like this phaser to the face? Bitch.
Daniel: I'm about to go Yoda on your ass!
(the two tackle each other to the ground and begin to roll around in a cloud of dust)
Andrea: Boys.... Boys.... come now, are we going to have to seperate you two?
Daniel: He started it! He had that Star Trek shit on the T.V. when I walked in!
Joel: IT'S MY HOUSE! (kicks Daniel in the nuts)
Daniel: (howling with pain on the ground clinching balls)
Jimmy: Has anyone seen my car keys?
(Random man with orange afro runs up and kicks Joel in the balls)
(Joel falls on top of Daniel)
Joel: (howls with pain)
Daniel: (howls in greater pain)
Joel and Daniel: (howl in pain together)
Sarah: God damnit, Jimmy, take the two idiots inside.
(Jimmy starts to escort Andrea and Sarah into the house)
Andrea: (slapping Jimmy) NOT US YOU JACKASS! THEM!
Jimmy: (chauvenist giggle)
(everyone enters the house)
(a few moments later, andrea's phone rings)
Andrea: uh huh.... ok babe, see you in a few.
Jimmy: who was that?
Andrea: Mary, she's on the way.
Jimmy: YES!!!!!! *happy dance* (andrea punches him) OW!
andrea: (turns to Joel and Daniel) you mean to tell me you two are best friends and are fighting about which is cooler, Star Wars or Star Trek?
Daniel: Star Wars!
Joel: Star Trek! (lunges at Daniel to be parried by Sarah)
Andrea: Damnit! That's not what I asked?
(Daniel and Joel cross arms across their chests and turn their backs to each other)
*Knock at the Door* Mary enters....
Everyone: Mary!
(Jimmy walks up to give Mary a hug, to be tripped by Andrea as everyone errupts in laughter and pointing)
Andrea: How did you get here?
Sarah: What the hell is that behind you?
Mary: My shadow.
Everyone: Hey Timothy.
Timothy: *whisper* you need to move so I can say hello to everyone..... Mary.....? Mary.....?
Mary: *ignoring*
Timothy: *pokes Mary twice*
Mary: OK! OK! I'll do whatever you want.....
Everyone: *giggles*
Timothy: Hey everyone! Who's up for some Wing-IT? (holds up wing-it bag)
Jimmy, Joel, Daniel: Shit yea!
Joel: I bet you want some fatty!
Timothy: I've already ate my share.
Joel: I wasn't talking to you, that was intended for Tubbs.
Jimmy: *giggles* and points a Daniel.
Daniel: Fuck yal.... and pass that hot sauce bitches.
Jimmy: That's right... eat it up tubbs.
Daniel: Why don't you shut the hell up? Garth....
(holds up picture comparing Jimmy and Garth from Wayne's World)
*cutaway to jeep* Daniel is in the driver seat wearing a black wayne's world hat and a black t-shirt. Jimmy is in the passenger seat with a flannel plaid shirt and wire rim glasses, with his long blonde hair hanging down. Timothy, Joel and Andrea are sitting in the back seat huddled together.
*Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody cues*
TO BE CONTINUED.