Dear Ex-boything
I still think of you,
Despite what everyone else tells me to do,
Your melancholy eyes the last time I
Told you to go to hell so sweetly as I dared
Over that trash can in the hall where
Dreams go to die.
You were always unremarkable,
dishwater features, eyes hair lips and an inability to sweat
A lech never found in gentleman's clothing
I wonder often why I forwent my initial foreboding
Sense of you and what I was sure was true
Did you ever hear the awful names my friends gave you?
Did you know how soon I stopped tryin to save you from
Names, in time, I'd use with glee
They had the measure of you, knight in camo-clad armor
Much better than I could hope to,
What with my doe-eyes and ne'er does he wrong me
Plea for well wishes, for belief that you could ever, really "Love" me...
I know now you were never that knight,
you lacked all manner of chivalry, disdained my consent as ultimately unnecessary
in the face of your...need to have something
you were sure some other boy'd got to first
teddy bear, he may have murdered something in me,
but what you did is harder to comprehend
for all his charm and debauchery, I knew better than to trust him
farther than he'd fly
In the end,
you never really gave too much, despite what you swore you "knew"
Took my patience, my independence, gave tainted virginity,
even though common sense begs me otherwise
I often wish we could lie in your bed,
if not in happiness, then in complacency.
I still want all those things we never almost had,
What we promised on soft lips, usually with insistence in our throats
Lack of complexity,
a disdain for the world outside our complete being
Obligation only to ourselves, to our simple need
love akin to ease,
inability to render pain unto one another
A oneness felt unlike any before or since
The Romeo and Juliet romance,
without the death and deceit
Sweet tempers
Smiles all our days,
Umbrellas not only to shelter from but
also to fend off the downpour of
life and responsibility.
I often day dream about a past future
I sorta still see in my inmost imaginings
With you, and me, and the children we could cause
to rend the world with their inconceivable being.
Of house you'd be that knight I'd always needed most,
I weave stories of your might, and bravery across my ghost tapestry
stories that leave you hero to my rescued lady.
Not that I'd tell you this
Give you that power over me again
No, no, dear ex boy--
thing, you were never much friend--
I don't give away my power for anyone
Least of all you
You took what I gave sweetly, freely as I knew how
Not perfectly, no one loves perfectly, not even the Christ
No? Have you ever spoken to the fig tree?
Not that I wanna compare you to the supposed savior of humanity
But you took from me like I was your fig tree
Failing to produce what you wanted--pliancy--you sought to tear my voice from me
More than the absence of a yes
There was a clear
Definitive
"I don't know"
But so long as know rhymes with no
That's enough to back on up, or so it should be
Who would swear love, turn, then rip self from the most secret parts of me?
I wanted in us
Love unending
Fealty unrending
Made of hearts that never needed mending
Because they'd never tear
Sometimes these thoughts still dare creep into my mind's eye
But, time belies desire,
conviction consumes convenience and selfdeceit
Finally, I know where we're meant to be,
In all the twists and turns of life
myself right here and you oh so far away from me.
Despite what everyone else tells me to do,
Your melancholy eyes the last time I
Told you to go to hell so sweetly as I dared
Over that trash can in the hall where
Dreams go to die.
You were always unremarkable,
dishwater features, eyes hair lips and an inability to sweat
A lech never found in gentleman's clothing
I wonder often why I forwent my initial foreboding
Sense of you and what I was sure was true
Did you ever hear the awful names my friends gave you?
Did you know how soon I stopped tryin to save you from
Names, in time, I'd use with glee
They had the measure of you, knight in camo-clad armor
Much better than I could hope to,
What with my doe-eyes and ne'er does he wrong me
Plea for well wishes, for belief that you could ever, really "Love" me...
I know now you were never that knight,
you lacked all manner of chivalry, disdained my consent as ultimately unnecessary
in the face of your...need to have something
you were sure some other boy'd got to first
teddy bear, he may have murdered something in me,
but what you did is harder to comprehend
for all his charm and debauchery, I knew better than to trust him
farther than he'd fly
In the end,
you never really gave too much, despite what you swore you "knew"
Took my patience, my independence, gave tainted virginity,
even though common sense begs me otherwise
I often wish we could lie in your bed,
if not in happiness, then in complacency.
I still want all those things we never almost had,
What we promised on soft lips, usually with insistence in our throats
Lack of complexity,
a disdain for the world outside our complete being
Obligation only to ourselves, to our simple need
love akin to ease,
inability to render pain unto one another
A oneness felt unlike any before or since
The Romeo and Juliet romance,
without the death and deceit
Sweet tempers
Smiles all our days,
Umbrellas not only to shelter from but
also to fend off the downpour of
life and responsibility.
I often day dream about a past future
I sorta still see in my inmost imaginings
With you, and me, and the children we could cause
to rend the world with their inconceivable being.
Of house you'd be that knight I'd always needed most,
I weave stories of your might, and bravery across my ghost tapestry
stories that leave you hero to my rescued lady.
Not that I'd tell you this
Give you that power over me again
No, no, dear ex boy--
thing, you were never much friend--
I don't give away my power for anyone
Least of all you
You took what I gave sweetly, freely as I knew how
Not perfectly, no one loves perfectly, not even the Christ
No? Have you ever spoken to the fig tree?
Not that I wanna compare you to the supposed savior of humanity
But you took from me like I was your fig tree
Failing to produce what you wanted--pliancy--you sought to tear my voice from me
More than the absence of a yes
There was a clear
Definitive
"I don't know"
But so long as know rhymes with no
That's enough to back on up, or so it should be
Who would swear love, turn, then rip self from the most secret parts of me?
I wanted in us
Love unending
Fealty unrending
Made of hearts that never needed mending
Because they'd never tear
Sometimes these thoughts still dare creep into my mind's eye
But, time belies desire,
conviction consumes convenience and selfdeceit
Finally, I know where we're meant to be,
In all the twists and turns of life
myself right here and you oh so far away from me.