10 months later....
10 months later after my last entry, i still feel the same. nothing has changed. not that i didnt try or anything. i just htink that now i reached the end of the line and it's time to let go.
it's not ok to stay in a relationship just because u think it's the right thing to do or you've got no other option.
I finally managed to tell him what i really feel. Selfish me, but I want to be that 'girl' in my man's heart. not becasue the other one dumped him. he didnt react nor say anything. i guess i caught him off-guard this time. he just said he'll let me go because it's my choice. im so proud of myself because for the first time, i didn't fall for that. he can blame me all he want, but i dont want to spend the rest of my life being treated like crap and not being appreciated. as a girl, i am the ones being wooed not me doing everything for my man to appreciate me.
what the fuck does it mean that people in the early eras call their women "my lady" if they dont feel that they're the ones making their lives special. with me and charlie, everything is by the rule... things should be like this, you should be like that, you need to be like this before this and that.... it's sooo tiring. why cant he be more appreciative?
he tried to find his escape or a fall back but i didnt let him this time. he was speechless. maybe run out of things to say... maybe he reached the dead end and just decided to accept that what i tell him is the truth between us.
i dont know what im feeling about all of this right now. i cant feel anything. or maybe im just supressing things. im a bit angry as he didnt react or showed that he's sad that im asking for a break. i dunno how will i react if i see him and her back together or him getting a new girlfriend the next day or a week after. i dunno how will i feel that after a few months, i will see him happily married to another girl and im still alone and by myself.
maybe im better off by myself and not having anybody. maybe it's my fate. it sounds really sad to just be alone in life but i think there are a lot of things i could do to be happy. and i kind of miss being just me and by myself. then i wouldnt have to worry about who am i going to leave behind if i decided to go some place.
it's not ok to stay in a relationship just because u think it's the right thing to do or you've got no other option.
I finally managed to tell him what i really feel. Selfish me, but I want to be that 'girl' in my man's heart. not becasue the other one dumped him. he didnt react nor say anything. i guess i caught him off-guard this time. he just said he'll let me go because it's my choice. im so proud of myself because for the first time, i didn't fall for that. he can blame me all he want, but i dont want to spend the rest of my life being treated like crap and not being appreciated. as a girl, i am the ones being wooed not me doing everything for my man to appreciate me.
what the fuck does it mean that people in the early eras call their women "my lady" if they dont feel that they're the ones making their lives special. with me and charlie, everything is by the rule... things should be like this, you should be like that, you need to be like this before this and that.... it's sooo tiring. why cant he be more appreciative?
he tried to find his escape or a fall back but i didnt let him this time. he was speechless. maybe run out of things to say... maybe he reached the dead end and just decided to accept that what i tell him is the truth between us.
i dont know what im feeling about all of this right now. i cant feel anything. or maybe im just supressing things. im a bit angry as he didnt react or showed that he's sad that im asking for a break. i dunno how will i react if i see him and her back together or him getting a new girlfriend the next day or a week after. i dunno how will i feel that after a few months, i will see him happily married to another girl and im still alone and by myself.
maybe im better off by myself and not having anybody. maybe it's my fate. it sounds really sad to just be alone in life but i think there are a lot of things i could do to be happy. and i kind of miss being just me and by myself. then i wouldnt have to worry about who am i going to leave behind if i decided to go some place.