indulging in melancholy
I've been in a bit of melancholic funk for the last week or so. Been trying to pull myself out of it, but kinda failing. Thus I've been indulging in it, watching shows, listening to music and so on that suit my mood and amplify it. Sort of an emotional wank. Sometimes you just need to get all the built up emotion out of your system. Mainly I'm all confused over whether I should keep up school or just say fuck it all and run off on some wild and crazy dream that will most likely end in a pile of ashes and my savings gone. I know I'm not particularly happy with my life right now. I've some good friends, a steady if low paying and chaotic job, but I'm not following any of the dreams that have been kicked around in my head since I was a kid.
Rather spectacularly cut myself at work today, and it just reminds me how my physical well being comes second to my emotional well being. Always deflecting emotional pain away, or burying it deep somewhere that it can't get out. Cutting myself on the tape dispenser was just and oh well shrug moment, that ended with me getting a bandage. Fixing cuts and bruises is so much easier than emotional injuries. I want to find happiness in life but I've no idea where to really look. There are some limbs I could stumble out onto that might lead to happiness, but they're so high up and I don't do well with heights. They may not last or break half way through or something. ah well. Back to emotional wanking.
Rather spectacularly cut myself at work today, and it just reminds me how my physical well being comes second to my emotional well being. Always deflecting emotional pain away, or burying it deep somewhere that it can't get out. Cutting myself on the tape dispenser was just and oh well shrug moment, that ended with me getting a bandage. Fixing cuts and bruises is so much easier than emotional injuries. I want to find happiness in life but I've no idea where to really look. There are some limbs I could stumble out onto that might lead to happiness, but they're so high up and I don't do well with heights. They may not last or break half way through or something. ah well. Back to emotional wanking.