Hmmphf
Ahhh well what to say now.
Im exhausted from all the new in my life...
Im tired and Im still not in the mood to talk to lots of people again.
I feel selfish for that but it needs to happen for their sake.
I mean an upset danielle cant help anyone.
I havent talked to one of my closest friends in a week and I think that its good.
Its so hard though.
Hard to resist, hard to let it rest, hard to half let go...
Its almost EASTER! I cant wait for my fam and friends.
I have recently noticed that I make up a lot of theories... the love theory, the door theory, the welcome mat theory, the Lake theory...
I think im insane, really i think that more and more everyday.
I miss someone always wanting to talk to me, always there, someone who was weirdly obsessive but still there.
he cared at one point... now im just a piece of crap- once a fantasy.
i always wonder what i did to deserve to be treated like that, but i guess its not about what i deserve or dont deserve.
there are no guidelines set in stone.
Job didnt deserve what came to him.
Im just in a state of confusion...i went in bcuz thats what God wanted but why would he let me become attatched when i prayed for my desires to remain on him. Then in an instant it was gone .. all a lie... all my fault... im useless, lame, depressing allof the sudden.
hmmmphf
I might see my fam sunday, cant wait for that, i need the hole in my life to be refilled with everything that i let slide tomake room for him.
he was posessive and obsessive but its so easy for him to let it all go?
Hmm, hmm hmmm...
Im so lonely i cant take it. its weird. i know God is here for me and i can talk to so many people
but
there is a piece of me missing.
a piece i didnt want to let in but it squeezed its way in there and like a virus is took over.
oh man.
people are my biggest strength and weakenss i have found.