Driving. The gift from god

[d_dog]

Driving and my car. As I said before the only thigns that will ever be there for me. Drugs don't work and won't work. Their drowning ability has been dismissed and conquered by the pain. I knew this was coming and yet I pushed it. I was going 110 on the freeway. The only thing my mind cared about was if there was a cop and if I was gonna die. I wasn't much worried about dieing. It still seems it would make the world better I bring to much agony and trouble into this pitiful place called home.

I feel to be sinking right now. Yet i'm perfectly sober. The emotions have taken control, as my eyes flutter slipping farther and farther into the hell of reality. The dream world breaking apart. No real pain anymore just thoughts.

Its tempted to cut to just release, but that life is over. If I went back to that i'd only regress into my earlier stages where I had no real control. Now I seem to have control. I knew what I was getting into. I had pushed my feelings away to where I would not think of them untill they were sparked by her. I'm not really hurt. Just thats things in my mind changed.

I'm off to play games. submerge myself in a fake world of acceptence. YAY for me

i'm off i'm done with this post

*****
mom if you are reading this hope to god I dont' find out
cuz I will do things you don't think possible
*****