Balance
I remember when I used to wait for him to come home. I would anxiously look from watch to clock to door, listening intently for the sound of his car, key, footstep. And even before that when I would go with him and stare at the stage, wondering…
Jon came home last night, we said nothing. Not silence of course, because the kids would never understand that. They don’t know anything’s wrong, they never have. To them we are happy.
The one time it almost touched them, Stephanie was the one and only and she was just 2. He came in, furious, hurt, silent. I assumed he had known long before that, but somehow he hadn’t. Marriage isn’t always committed for love, sometimes we do it in the name of self-preservation or as what we think is a means to an end or the lesser of two evils. Sometimes we do it to punish ourselves or someone else. Sometimes we are in love and then we are not.
Today I dropped them all off at their grandparents’. The Bongiovi’s are wonderful and love them and all three, even little Jake enjoy time with grandma and grandpa.
I will go to the show tonight in Buffalo to watch. I’ve seen it all a million times so now when I watch I let my mind wander and think of what might have been.
Right now I’m wondering if Richie and Heather really had the most romantic evening or if…And if she’ll be there tonight while I’m standing and watching and if he will look over and see me there and wish and wonder too.
These thoughts haunt me. I could ask a million questions of myself and not come up with one definitive answer.
There are days where I feel we are the ghosts that haunt-the others--and the life is somewhere else. We are the reflections in the mirror, or images in the water. Standing or sitting as you are, who is to say whether we are looking at ourselves as we really are. our bodies "carry the clouds all the way home." and no one can tell me I'm wrong, and anything is possible. Because the only thing that is certain is that there are no definite answers anywhere in life.
This sense is what has always drawn me to the martial arts, what inspired me to open Sea Dragon with the motto…Our sight is not the limit of our world. So then why are so many closed to possibility?
We imagine the universe to be some huge thing, because it is bigger than our physical being. So sad. There are much greater things and they do not occupy space at all.
Did we once see/sense more? What have I lost along the way? When will I see touch him again?
Still no answers.
Jon came home last night, we said nothing. Not silence of course, because the kids would never understand that. They don’t know anything’s wrong, they never have. To them we are happy.
The one time it almost touched them, Stephanie was the one and only and she was just 2. He came in, furious, hurt, silent. I assumed he had known long before that, but somehow he hadn’t. Marriage isn’t always committed for love, sometimes we do it in the name of self-preservation or as what we think is a means to an end or the lesser of two evils. Sometimes we do it to punish ourselves or someone else. Sometimes we are in love and then we are not.
Today I dropped them all off at their grandparents’. The Bongiovi’s are wonderful and love them and all three, even little Jake enjoy time with grandma and grandpa.
I will go to the show tonight in Buffalo to watch. I’ve seen it all a million times so now when I watch I let my mind wander and think of what might have been.
Right now I’m wondering if Richie and Heather really had the most romantic evening or if…And if she’ll be there tonight while I’m standing and watching and if he will look over and see me there and wish and wonder too.
These thoughts haunt me. I could ask a million questions of myself and not come up with one definitive answer.
There are days where I feel we are the ghosts that haunt-the others--and the life is somewhere else. We are the reflections in the mirror, or images in the water. Standing or sitting as you are, who is to say whether we are looking at ourselves as we really are. our bodies "carry the clouds all the way home." and no one can tell me I'm wrong, and anything is possible. Because the only thing that is certain is that there are no definite answers anywhere in life.
This sense is what has always drawn me to the martial arts, what inspired me to open Sea Dragon with the motto…Our sight is not the limit of our world. So then why are so many closed to possibility?
We imagine the universe to be some huge thing, because it is bigger than our physical being. So sad. There are much greater things and they do not occupy space at all.
Did we once see/sense more? What have I lost along the way? When will I see touch him again?
Still no answers.