(no subject)
My will has been broken. Promises I made myself with the gravity of blood-oaths have been become the whores of my temptations.
I have read Twilight.
Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned.
Because my injured psyche deserves a vacation, I shall now present my own version of what would happen should Christopher Moore's Bloodsucking Fiends meet Twilight, and then engage in mortal combat.
(two books casually hop across a bedroom carpet)
(BF gives a cursory nod to T, as it hops by T, in polite acknowledgement)
(T returns the gesture, and hops on)
(BF stops, slowly turns around to take a look at T's hopping form)
(BF realizes what it's looking at)
(BF starts shaking in... anger? anticipation?)
CUE MORTAL 'FINAL COUNTDOWN' BY EUROPE
BF uses Fleshed-Out Characters!
Critical Hit!
T uses Hot Vampires!
Attack Misses!
BF uses Sense of Humour!
Etc, etc. Seriously. Bloodsucking Fiends should have been made into a movie. If you're going to fuck up the vampire legend, you may as well do it with style.
I need a mental laxative.
I have read Twilight.
Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned.
Because my injured psyche deserves a vacation, I shall now present my own version of what would happen should Christopher Moore's Bloodsucking Fiends meet Twilight, and then engage in mortal combat.
(two books casually hop across a bedroom carpet)
(BF gives a cursory nod to T, as it hops by T, in polite acknowledgement)
(T returns the gesture, and hops on)
(BF stops, slowly turns around to take a look at T's hopping form)
(BF realizes what it's looking at)
(BF starts shaking in... anger? anticipation?)
CUE MORTAL 'FINAL COUNTDOWN' BY EUROPE
BF uses Fleshed-Out Characters!
Critical Hit!
T uses Hot Vampires!
Attack Misses!
BF uses Sense of Humour!
Etc, etc. Seriously. Bloodsucking Fiends should have been made into a movie. If you're going to fuck up the vampire legend, you may as well do it with style.
I need a mental laxative.