Oblivion
Title: Oblivion
Rating - 18A for swearing, alcohol abuse, and SEXUAL SITUATIONS.
Spoilers - Let's just say the whole series. Just to be safe.
Summary - Jacob is drunk. Drinking away his sorrows. What is going on in his mind?
Pairing - Bella/Jacob
Author's Note: I was seeing if I could get into the mind of drunk!Jacob by being drunk!Jessica. Don't know if it worked :P
Blame my sister, the bride to be, because it was her stagette party!!
-----
It was over. Life was over, she was gone. I counted down every single moment since she left, and I could tell you that she was gone. Without a doubt.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… she’s still gone.
Embry sits beside me, buying me drinks. There’s still not enough, we only have so much money, and even that won’t be enough. Nothing will be enough because no matter how much I drink, no matter how much I try to forget… she’s still gone. There’s an empty void where she used to be, and I can’t fill it. Not with all the alcohol in the world.
“I’m out.” He says. That’s fine, that’s really fine, Embry has a life, he has a girlfriend, and he has everything that I wish I could have… If that’s enough for him, then that’s enough.
Enough. I wish there was enough.
Enough love that she’d come back to me, enough joy in the world that maybe I could pick up a glimmer of it. Enough… everything that could satisfy me. But no, there’s only Bella, only one. A singular commodity that has already been bought. There’s not enough. There will never be enough. Holy fuck, my God I’m dying. I’m dying without her.
“I’ll have a double rum and coke. No, make it a triple.” I say to the bartender.
He looks back at me strangely. He probably hasn’t seen anyone ever drink this much. I only try to seek oblivion sporadically. The bartenders get scared when they see how much I can drink.
On the other hand the men at the liquor store never check my ID. My white friends say that it’s because I’m native and I’m their best customer. I ignore them. Native pride mother fuckers. I can’t change who I am and I never would.
Unless I could be Edward. Fuck. Why does he get EVERYTHING? Immortality, beauty beyond compare. What the FUCK. If there’s a God, why did you grant him that? Were you trying to make me miserable? Did you see a wonderfully happy boy and decide that that’s wrong? What kind of god are you? When will this stop? When will I get over her?
Never? Well fuck you God. I don‘t know what I did to deserve this, so FUCK YOU.
I shelter my drink with my body. Young girls are running past, dancing and laughing…. I ignore them. Too much life, too much vitality. They are attractive, but they’re not her. No one replaces her.
No one.
But then, what else is there to life? Will I live in this empty void forever? Hadn’t I lived without her before? Wasn’t I somebody before? Can’t I be that person again?
I hope so. I wish so. Fuck I want to be, because being this miserable is pathetic. Wishing she was here is pathetic. EARTH TO JACOB: she left you. She isn’t worth it, get over it….
But I can’t. And I never will. Never. Forever. For ever, ever.
“Bartender, same as the last.” Four more of those, and then…
Black out.
----
Darkness.
“Oh god yes,” I moan into the darkness. I’m burning, burning hot with fever, sweating with sex, fuck I’m so drunk, but she’s so… she’s so… oh fuck she’s so cool.
“Jacob, Jacob, oh god. Please.” She whispers into my ear as she moves atop of me.
It’s the please that gets me. It’s something she would say. But I won’t think of her. It’s too hard, it’s too painful, and right now all I want to do is… es-oh god-esca-fuck-escape. Holy fuck she’s so good I can’t even think.
And she’s moaning into my ear. My name. Did I tell her my name? I don’t know, I don’t remember.
“Jacob, I lo-ohhhhh Jesus, fuck, god, holy, yeaaaaaah, you please. Please, please….”
“Bella,” I groan out into the air, but it’s not her. Of course it’s not her. I hope I don’t offend her because I. don’t. want. Her. To. Stop. GOD.
I can’t even think. It was that last beer that got me. I’m at my house, I know that, but who this girl is, what time it is, how we even got here… I can’t know. But if I’m here then I’m safe. Whoever the fuck this is. It’s not her so it doesn’t matter. Twenty two year old virgin, and that’s over with . Because what was the point in saving myself when the girl I was waiting for was never going to come? Not that I even ever gave it any real thought. Too much darkness, black out. I wasn’t there for this decision and-fuck! That got my attention.
“Jacob, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” She said as she puffed out a lungful of air. It’ll be soon, soon she’ll blow. Soon I’ll blow. It’d be nice if we could do it together. That’s how I imagined it’d be with us.
But screw imagination. Imaginary Bella wasn’t here. Whoever the fuck this is was sorry, and was a stranger here. I wonder what she did to be sorry. I wonder why I even care.
Maybe caring was the first step of closure.
“It’s okay.” I whisper back. Not that I know what’s okay, but if she’s here, and she’s doing this to me, then it’d have to be okay. I’m a gentleman. I think. Or I was. How did we get here?
She thrusts her lips up against mine. They’re soft, so wonderfully soft. And they taste red, they feel red. Red and pink. If you can imagine how red and pink could feel. I could, but that’s because those lips were in my mouth. Moving, and her tongue probing. She’s moaning into my mouth. I moan back because if feels so good. Vibrations.
Vibrations though my whole body. Yes. Yes I-Fuck, who the hell are you because I want to scream your name! But the only name I can think of, the only name I know, the only name in my mind is “BELLA!”
Hips jerking, she’s screaming my name, I’m grabbing onto the mattress. Rrrrripppp. Her hands are buried in my long hair and she yanks it, but I don’t care because I’m in heaven.
But it’s soon over. We’re breathing heavily and she apologizes.
“I’m sorry Jacob, it wasn’t… with him, It wasn’t what I thought it would be, but I can’t come back. I can’t come back because things are different. But I love you, I love you. Know that please. Stop this self destruction.” Her cool lips on my ear.
I nod, because that’s all I can do. I can’t make much sense of her words right now, and it’s only when I wake up, and she’s gone, and there’s an icy spot next to me on my bed that I whisper the word… the world… “Bella”.
Embry comes to pick me up the next night. I get into the car.
Nothing will ever be the same again.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… come back to me.
Rating - 18A for swearing, alcohol abuse, and SEXUAL SITUATIONS.
Spoilers - Let's just say the whole series. Just to be safe.
Summary - Jacob is drunk. Drinking away his sorrows. What is going on in his mind?
Pairing - Bella/Jacob
Author's Note: I was seeing if I could get into the mind of drunk!Jacob by being drunk!Jessica. Don't know if it worked :P
Blame my sister, the bride to be, because it was her stagette party!!
-----
It was over. Life was over, she was gone. I counted down every single moment since she left, and I could tell you that she was gone. Without a doubt.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… she’s still gone.
Embry sits beside me, buying me drinks. There’s still not enough, we only have so much money, and even that won’t be enough. Nothing will be enough because no matter how much I drink, no matter how much I try to forget… she’s still gone. There’s an empty void where she used to be, and I can’t fill it. Not with all the alcohol in the world.
“I’m out.” He says. That’s fine, that’s really fine, Embry has a life, he has a girlfriend, and he has everything that I wish I could have… If that’s enough for him, then that’s enough.
Enough. I wish there was enough.
Enough love that she’d come back to me, enough joy in the world that maybe I could pick up a glimmer of it. Enough… everything that could satisfy me. But no, there’s only Bella, only one. A singular commodity that has already been bought. There’s not enough. There will never be enough. Holy fuck, my God I’m dying. I’m dying without her.
“I’ll have a double rum and coke. No, make it a triple.” I say to the bartender.
He looks back at me strangely. He probably hasn’t seen anyone ever drink this much. I only try to seek oblivion sporadically. The bartenders get scared when they see how much I can drink.
On the other hand the men at the liquor store never check my ID. My white friends say that it’s because I’m native and I’m their best customer. I ignore them. Native pride mother fuckers. I can’t change who I am and I never would.
Unless I could be Edward. Fuck. Why does he get EVERYTHING? Immortality, beauty beyond compare. What the FUCK. If there’s a God, why did you grant him that? Were you trying to make me miserable? Did you see a wonderfully happy boy and decide that that’s wrong? What kind of god are you? When will this stop? When will I get over her?
Never? Well fuck you God. I don‘t know what I did to deserve this, so FUCK YOU.
I shelter my drink with my body. Young girls are running past, dancing and laughing…. I ignore them. Too much life, too much vitality. They are attractive, but they’re not her. No one replaces her.
No one.
But then, what else is there to life? Will I live in this empty void forever? Hadn’t I lived without her before? Wasn’t I somebody before? Can’t I be that person again?
I hope so. I wish so. Fuck I want to be, because being this miserable is pathetic. Wishing she was here is pathetic. EARTH TO JACOB: she left you. She isn’t worth it, get over it….
But I can’t. And I never will. Never. Forever. For ever, ever.
“Bartender, same as the last.” Four more of those, and then…
Black out.
----
Darkness.
“Oh god yes,” I moan into the darkness. I’m burning, burning hot with fever, sweating with sex, fuck I’m so drunk, but she’s so… she’s so… oh fuck she’s so cool.
“Jacob, Jacob, oh god. Please.” She whispers into my ear as she moves atop of me.
It’s the please that gets me. It’s something she would say. But I won’t think of her. It’s too hard, it’s too painful, and right now all I want to do is… es-oh god-esca-fuck-escape. Holy fuck she’s so good I can’t even think.
And she’s moaning into my ear. My name. Did I tell her my name? I don’t know, I don’t remember.
“Jacob, I lo-ohhhhh Jesus, fuck, god, holy, yeaaaaaah, you please. Please, please….”
“Bella,” I groan out into the air, but it’s not her. Of course it’s not her. I hope I don’t offend her because I. don’t. want. Her. To. Stop. GOD.
I can’t even think. It was that last beer that got me. I’m at my house, I know that, but who this girl is, what time it is, how we even got here… I can’t know. But if I’m here then I’m safe. Whoever the fuck this is. It’s not her so it doesn’t matter. Twenty two year old virgin, and that’s over with . Because what was the point in saving myself when the girl I was waiting for was never going to come? Not that I even ever gave it any real thought. Too much darkness, black out. I wasn’t there for this decision and-fuck! That got my attention.
“Jacob, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” She said as she puffed out a lungful of air. It’ll be soon, soon she’ll blow. Soon I’ll blow. It’d be nice if we could do it together. That’s how I imagined it’d be with us.
But screw imagination. Imaginary Bella wasn’t here. Whoever the fuck this is was sorry, and was a stranger here. I wonder what she did to be sorry. I wonder why I even care.
Maybe caring was the first step of closure.
“It’s okay.” I whisper back. Not that I know what’s okay, but if she’s here, and she’s doing this to me, then it’d have to be okay. I’m a gentleman. I think. Or I was. How did we get here?
She thrusts her lips up against mine. They’re soft, so wonderfully soft. And they taste red, they feel red. Red and pink. If you can imagine how red and pink could feel. I could, but that’s because those lips were in my mouth. Moving, and her tongue probing. She’s moaning into my mouth. I moan back because if feels so good. Vibrations.
Vibrations though my whole body. Yes. Yes I-Fuck, who the hell are you because I want to scream your name! But the only name I can think of, the only name I know, the only name in my mind is “BELLA!”
Hips jerking, she’s screaming my name, I’m grabbing onto the mattress. Rrrrripppp. Her hands are buried in my long hair and she yanks it, but I don’t care because I’m in heaven.
But it’s soon over. We’re breathing heavily and she apologizes.
“I’m sorry Jacob, it wasn’t… with him, It wasn’t what I thought it would be, but I can’t come back. I can’t come back because things are different. But I love you, I love you. Know that please. Stop this self destruction.” Her cool lips on my ear.
I nod, because that’s all I can do. I can’t make much sense of her words right now, and it’s only when I wake up, and she’s gone, and there’s an icy spot next to me on my bed that I whisper the word… the world… “Bella”.
Embry comes to pick me up the next night. I get into the car.
Nothing will ever be the same again.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… come back to me.