Mom Issues...
My mom has been trying to get me to transfer from my college to the one that she works at. She has good reasons for why I should do it, but there are many more reasons not to. One thing that she has in her favor is that that I wouldn't need to take out any loans because I'd be able to go there for free, which is very nice. The whole thing has been frustrating to deal with since she's always contradicting herself when she has arguments and I honestly just don't want to deal with her anymore.
It's just the way she goes about these things that annoys me and I could probably list about a million specific things, but there are some that are much worse in my mind to others. First of all, she can never make up her mind about whether or not other people matter. For example, when I told her that I was going on a trip with my dad this summer instead of having a full time job all summer, she was all upset and tried to convince me that I needed to have a full time job because all college students have full time jobs over the summer. And then when I've been trying to convince her that it's okay for me to have loans and that I'm lucky because most students will come out of college with even more than I'll have; all of a sudden, other people don't matter at all.
Another thing is that she thinks that I don't want to do it because I'm scared of change and because I don't really understand what I'm passing up. She didn't say these to me directly, but she mentioned them in an email she sent to my dad. And these are both stupid. If I was scared of change, I wouldn't be on a two month long trip to a country I've never been to before where I don't even speak the language. There's a difference between being scared of change and not wanting change. I like my school and I don't want to change. It's not that I'm scare to do it. And I do understand what I'm passing up if I don't change schools, but after having already been in mine for two years, I don't think this is a good option for me.
Then she sent me an email one day telling me that she wants to make sure that I understand that she'll support me no matter what I choose to do and that her happiness is not important. This one really annoys me because not once in this entire thing had my happiness been mentioned, but hers has.
If I had decided to go with her school, to make it completely free, I'd have to live at home. This is not a good option for me because I get annoyed of my mom just talking to her on the phone for a few minutes. She seems to think that because I don't have millions of friends and because I don't go to lots of events that there is no reason for me to actually be living on campus. I've never been one to feel like or necessarily want tons of friends and they don't always have events that sound interesting to me. But there's a lot more to living on campus than just making friends and joining clubs. It's about making your own decisions, making mistakes, and getting prepared to live on your own when you are out of school too. What also annoys me about this argument is that my dad told me that she never had a lot of friends in college either, so I don't know why she's getting on my case about it.
The most annoying things though just happened recently. I sent her an email telling her that I'd been thinking about it a lot and doing research and that I had decided to stay at my school. I said that there were good reasons to do it, but I had many more reasons not to, and there were two specifically that outweighed everything else. Those were that my school is accredited for their business and accounting programs and that her school wasn't and that I wouldn't be happy at her school. She wrote back saying that she wouldn't try to change my mind, but then continued on to write many paragraphs about why I was making the wrong decision. If she really wasn't trying to change my decision, she wouldn't have written all of that.
She mentioned things about how you couldn't really say that one school was better than the other and that her school was accredited too. This is not true though. My dad and I were never able to find a way to accurately compare the two because on all the websites that have lists of the top colleges had them in different categories. Her school was always on the list of best schools in New England, while mine was always on the list of best schools in the US. And while her's might be accredited by a regional association, mine is accredited by an international association. Now try to tell me that one doesn't at least sound better than the other.
She also said that of course I wasn't going to be happy at her school because I had already decided that I wasn't going to be happy there. Which is definitely not the case. I don't like her school, period. I never really have, plus my friends are at my school, and in some ways, my school is more like a home than my actual home is. How could I be happy at her school then? Plus, I've come to the conclusion in the past few months that my mom really just doesn't know me, so how would she know what would make me happy.
She also brought up her experience at the University of Rochester and how t hat was supposed to be a really good school, but she didn't like it and it wasn't the best fit for her. She then said that she is currently having a great experience at the school she works at (she's currently working on a master's degree there). But I'm not her and just because my school is supposed to be good like hers was, doesn't mean that I'm not having a good time there. She also seems to think that I can't possibly like my school too much because I don't go around calling her every two minutes gushing about how great my school is. That's just not me.
She also sent me an email yesterday asking how things were going down here because she hadn't heard anything recently. I haven't responded to it and I'm not exactly planning to. There's a reason I haven't sent her an email recently and that's because I'm really annoyed with her right now and I don't really want to talk to her. All this on top of about a million and one things over the past few years have been making me thing about the end of this summer. After my trip, I was planning on staying with my dad for a few more days and then going back up to stay with my mom until I have to go back to school (which would be about three weeks). But because of all this, I'm seriously thinking about not going back until right before I have to go back to school. I don't want to make her upset that I didn't really spend any time with her this summer, but my dad is right. I need to think about what's going to be the best choice for me. After spending a significant amount of time with my dad for the first time in five or six years, I'm finding it harder and harder to want to go back or to deal with her at all.
Anyway, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.
It's just the way she goes about these things that annoys me and I could probably list about a million specific things, but there are some that are much worse in my mind to others. First of all, she can never make up her mind about whether or not other people matter. For example, when I told her that I was going on a trip with my dad this summer instead of having a full time job all summer, she was all upset and tried to convince me that I needed to have a full time job because all college students have full time jobs over the summer. And then when I've been trying to convince her that it's okay for me to have loans and that I'm lucky because most students will come out of college with even more than I'll have; all of a sudden, other people don't matter at all.
Another thing is that she thinks that I don't want to do it because I'm scared of change and because I don't really understand what I'm passing up. She didn't say these to me directly, but she mentioned them in an email she sent to my dad. And these are both stupid. If I was scared of change, I wouldn't be on a two month long trip to a country I've never been to before where I don't even speak the language. There's a difference between being scared of change and not wanting change. I like my school and I don't want to change. It's not that I'm scare to do it. And I do understand what I'm passing up if I don't change schools, but after having already been in mine for two years, I don't think this is a good option for me.
Then she sent me an email one day telling me that she wants to make sure that I understand that she'll support me no matter what I choose to do and that her happiness is not important. This one really annoys me because not once in this entire thing had my happiness been mentioned, but hers has.
If I had decided to go with her school, to make it completely free, I'd have to live at home. This is not a good option for me because I get annoyed of my mom just talking to her on the phone for a few minutes. She seems to think that because I don't have millions of friends and because I don't go to lots of events that there is no reason for me to actually be living on campus. I've never been one to feel like or necessarily want tons of friends and they don't always have events that sound interesting to me. But there's a lot more to living on campus than just making friends and joining clubs. It's about making your own decisions, making mistakes, and getting prepared to live on your own when you are out of school too. What also annoys me about this argument is that my dad told me that she never had a lot of friends in college either, so I don't know why she's getting on my case about it.
The most annoying things though just happened recently. I sent her an email telling her that I'd been thinking about it a lot and doing research and that I had decided to stay at my school. I said that there were good reasons to do it, but I had many more reasons not to, and there were two specifically that outweighed everything else. Those were that my school is accredited for their business and accounting programs and that her school wasn't and that I wouldn't be happy at her school. She wrote back saying that she wouldn't try to change my mind, but then continued on to write many paragraphs about why I was making the wrong decision. If she really wasn't trying to change my decision, she wouldn't have written all of that.
She mentioned things about how you couldn't really say that one school was better than the other and that her school was accredited too. This is not true though. My dad and I were never able to find a way to accurately compare the two because on all the websites that have lists of the top colleges had them in different categories. Her school was always on the list of best schools in New England, while mine was always on the list of best schools in the US. And while her's might be accredited by a regional association, mine is accredited by an international association. Now try to tell me that one doesn't at least sound better than the other.
She also said that of course I wasn't going to be happy at her school because I had already decided that I wasn't going to be happy there. Which is definitely not the case. I don't like her school, period. I never really have, plus my friends are at my school, and in some ways, my school is more like a home than my actual home is. How could I be happy at her school then? Plus, I've come to the conclusion in the past few months that my mom really just doesn't know me, so how would she know what would make me happy.
She also brought up her experience at the University of Rochester and how t hat was supposed to be a really good school, but she didn't like it and it wasn't the best fit for her. She then said that she is currently having a great experience at the school she works at (she's currently working on a master's degree there). But I'm not her and just because my school is supposed to be good like hers was, doesn't mean that I'm not having a good time there. She also seems to think that I can't possibly like my school too much because I don't go around calling her every two minutes gushing about how great my school is. That's just not me.
She also sent me an email yesterday asking how things were going down here because she hadn't heard anything recently. I haven't responded to it and I'm not exactly planning to. There's a reason I haven't sent her an email recently and that's because I'm really annoyed with her right now and I don't really want to talk to her. All this on top of about a million and one things over the past few years have been making me thing about the end of this summer. After my trip, I was planning on staying with my dad for a few more days and then going back up to stay with my mom until I have to go back to school (which would be about three weeks). But because of all this, I'm seriously thinking about not going back until right before I have to go back to school. I don't want to make her upset that I didn't really spend any time with her this summer, but my dad is right. I need to think about what's going to be the best choice for me. After spending a significant amount of time with my dad for the first time in five or six years, I'm finding it harder and harder to want to go back or to deal with her at all.
Anyway, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.