My Mom Has Cancer.
Fuck! My mom has cancer and she was bitching at me for snapping at her. She says I’m ungrateful for everything she ever does for me. And that’s fucking bullshit. My good fried died in that stupid shooting, I’ve been stressing over what will become of Carlos in his rough patch, I’m constantly worried over Mike, I have no one to talk to over here, I haven’t been able to start on my portfolio, I haven’t been taking my meds for my bi-polarness and because of that previous thing I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m fucking stretched thin as I can go, I’m always tired and cranky, its always been that way. I’m constantly dealing with other people’s shit on top of my own and its been that way since I was a small child. I’ve lost quite a few people in my life, witnessed many things no person should ever witness in one life time and fought one battle after another. To say I don’t care is insensitive and unfair. I’m incapable of staying happy and coping with everything life throws at me 24/7. To say I’m ungrateful and inconsiderate when I have never shared 85% of my life with her out of consideration for her feelings and well being is just as bad as my brash rudeness. I’ve been after her for a few years about her health and ways to change it, I’ve even come out and said you’re going to get cancer or this is going to kill you off early, if you don’t change. And she’s always haughtily shot back, “I’ll go on eating and living the way I want even if it kills me, so I can go happy in the end.” I do care and I would have never been after her or put my foot down on some of her health habits if I hadn’t. And you know what there have been plenty of days when I have had an extraordinarily horrible day and she’s bitched at me, but I managed to grin and bear it. To say I don’t care when I say thank you, cook for her, help out around the house and help pick up things for her, is just as bad. And you know what I’m in tears and sick with grief…