(no subject)
i've been lighting my sock on fire quite a bit today. nothing better to do.
moving on. yes, i missed school today. yes, my absence problem this year has become a course for concern. i realize this. my dad was in the hospital for the whole month of september, and part of october. at the time, he had very slim chances of living. i've had to miss a few days of school here and there to go up to the hospital in buffalo and visit him. i also had influenza and bronchitis for about a week, and yes i went to the doctor! a couple times he gave me an excuse not to go back to school for a few days. and maybe if students would actually stay home from school when they're ill instead of panicing about attendence, going and spreading around their contagious illnesses, the school wouldn't be such a god damn germ factory and people wouldn't get sick as often. yes i'm very well aware of how many days of school i've missed. yes i'm aware of the school's 13 days policy (even though i'm just about there). yes i'm aware of the consequences of being absent. i'm getting really sick and tired of being harassed about this. i get enough shit from my teachers, let alone i don't need my friends and other peers piling more bullshit on the top of the outcome of this situation. such as my friends who are constantly calling me a, "school skipper". even if they are joking around, i really don't find it funny, i find it quite aggravating. i'm sick of everyone asking how many days i've missed so far, making remarks about how i'm going to fail, etc. it's really nobody's business besides my own, my parent's, and the school's. it's really starting to push me over the edge of being angry. when i've been absent, my mom always makes arrangements to pick up my homework and i've gotten caught up for the majority, i've talked to my guidance counselor several times to work things out and make sure i'll still get credit, and the attendence office has recieved all of my doctor's excuses. so i'd appreciate it if anyone else who reads this will please shut the fuck up and not mention my attendence again. thank you. i am an overall pleasant person, but if people keep pushing my buttons circumstances may change.
i've had friends over after school almost all last week just to chill for awhile. friday night i was going to go see "the grudge" with some friends from school, but chad saw in the newspaper that the first two showings had been sold out, people had bought tickets in advance on the internet. the 3rd one we figured probably had no or very limited ticket supplies left by the time the day would be over, so we decided to skip it and we'll see it another time after it's been out awhile. anyways, i had josh and billy over again friday night. again something happened between the two of them. they were alone up in my bedroom together for 3 1/2 hours, there was a lot of drinking going on, etc. i don't think it's a good idea to invite the two of them over here and leave them alone anymore. reflecting on what went on, afterwards there seem to be some regrets, and someone always ends up getting hurt. billy goes around having sexual contact with guys, then he insists he's straight. i ask him why he does stuff with guys then, and he says he's just experimenting because he's confused about his sexual orientation. "but now he knows he's really straight." i don't know. things were a lot better when we were all friends, but i don't know if things are ever going to go back to the way they were before after all we've been through the past couple weeks. and as much as i know it hurts josh to just be friends with billy, he's being decent enough to drop any hard feelings.
saturday night billy and i went down to christine's. matt was there too. we brought down some scotch and this really good, "just dessert" liquor. it's so good, one of the few hard liquors i can drink straight. it's like chocolate mint cake. so we made some of those on the rocks and then we all ended up sneaking into matt's next door neighbor's yard after dark and passing around a pipe. i was hoping to always remain part of the 2% teen population who have never tried marijuana, but i guess i just wanted to experiment. anyways the neighbor's dog kept barking it's head off at us, and we were getting paranoid christine's momcould see us from her bedroom window across the street since the window was in plain view of the yard's opening. we walked around the block a few times but most of the streets were lit up or people were outside, so we went back in matt's garage and blazed up a 2nd time. i think the 2nd time had a bit of an effect on me, because we ended up on the corner trying to imitate that dance from the revenge of the nerds movie and laughing hysterically. when i got back to my house i also had a severe case of the munchies.
anyways my dad returned home today. after he got out of the hospital, he went to a local rehab up in buffalo for 20 days so he stayed with my grandma. we've been so apathetic about his presence here, i don't know if it's because we were relieved he was getting help, or just because he was gone. i really missed him as a person, i just didn't miss the daily routine that went on here constantly. the drinking, the fighting, the verbal abuse. i played the role as the adolescent arbitrator between my parents who were constantly bitching and complaining about each other to me behind one another's backs, trying to compete with each other and win my better half over. nobody is fucking perfect, everyone makes mistakes and there was always conflict occuring over stupid shit which wasn't worth holding grudges over long periods of time about. i shouldn't have been stuck in the middle of that. it was nice i could have friends up in my bedroom without my dad pounding my door down and screaming at us for being too loud, even though we were just sitting up there talking with the stereo at a reasonable volume. i really lost all respect for my dad somewhere along the way...he always demanded respect. and respect isn't something that should be demanded, it has to be earned. i think he's regaining a lot of that now since i'm such a forgiving person, because i realize if i don't forgive people, i won't be forgiven either. i can tell he's a changed person, and a lot more enthusiastic about his responsibilities. i think what happened changed all of us in one way or another. i just missed having a dad, i missed spending time with him on the weekends and going places together. after all, the only man a girl can depend on is the daddy. and i'm lucky i have that dependence.
so halloween is in 6 days! i love halloween. i still need to find a costume, though. one i can wear to school without violating the school dress code...that will be difficult. i found one on hottopic.com, but the top was all sold out...:-(. that figures. i'd have to order rush delivery on it though anyways before friday, that would be an extra $25 on my mom's credit card. i'll probably give spencer's another look after school a day. i'm supposed to have a party here satuday, i hope. i still have to take it up with my dad. there would probably have to be really limited circumstances. i'll have to promise it won't be some big free-for-all keg party, it'll be by invitation only. also people will have to leave by a certain time with the exception of a few. one thing that makes my dad really angry is coming down in the morning to get ready for work and having to step over all these drunk passed out bodies, lol. i'll keep everyone posted but if you're interested in attending you'll have to let me know in advance. brooke and i are most likely going trick-or-treating unless i have to stay here and hand out candy. i see nothing wrong with that. older kids like candy too!